Eman’s Immigration Story – Kuwait City, Kuwait to NYC, New York

Childhood

Eman was born at the beginning of the 1980s to Palestinian parents living in Kuwait.

Most of Eman’s memories of Kuwait involve food. 

“We didn’t have McDonald’s when I grew up – we had Hardees. Pizza Hut is better there. It had an elaborate salad bar. The food was good in Kuwait because that is all we had. They have no other form of entertainment really.” (audio below)

Fleeing Kuwait

Eman was nine when they fled Kuwait in 1990 because of the Gulf War. Eman’s parents had already lived through war as Palestinians and they didn’t want their children experiencing the same trauma they had. The family drove overnight from Kuwait to Iraq. Eman remembers how her parents tried their best to pretend like everything was normal for her and her two younger siblings.

 We didn’t feel danger or that anything bad was happening. It’s a field trip – eat delicious food and listen to your favorite songs!

Oddly enough, the one thing Eman will never forget about Iraq is the milk. “It is the best milk I’ve ever had in my life.” Eman remembers how embarrassed her Mom was about the sheer amount of milk her daughter was drinking.  

“Everything in my life revolves around food. I find comfort in food.”

Canada

Eman’s father had already started the immigration process for the family to move to Canada. He managed an international fiberglass company and already had business in Montreal, Quebec, so they didn’t stay in Iraq for long. 

“I remember coming off the plane and everybody coming at us with covers to cover us up, since it was really cold, and we were from the desert.”

Above: Eman’s bookshelf

Eman found adjusting to Canadian life reasonably easy. The school she went to in Montreal had other recent immigrants, and many were Arabic speakers – people who spoke the same language and looked like her. Eman explains how even though, as Palestinians, they were second class citizens in Kuwait, their quality of life was better there than in Canada.

Her mother had been a kindergarten teacher in Kuwait, and her father a successful businessman. In Canada, they ran a little muffin and coffee shop franchise called “Treats” in the mall. It was hard work, long hours, with very little return.

The move west had the most profound effect on Eman’s mother, sending her into a depression that has never fully recovered from.

Eman will never forget the happy occasion of her family getting their Canadian citizenship in 1993. Eman’s happiness was overshadowed by one section of her citizenship document. For “country of origin, it read “stateless”. She says this still scars her today.

Comedy

From an early age, Eman had wanted to work in entertainment. She grew up watching American shows and felt like nobody on them looked like her.

“I wanted to dispel negative stereotypes. If I saw people who looked like me, they were always awful terrorists – evil people. I feel like when you entertain someone, they will listen to you a lot more than if you are preaching or teaching.” 

Eman started her work on the comedy circuit in 2006.

“Now when I look back, I wish I didn’t get into comedy. It is such a hard unstable career. If I could turn back time, I would be a professional tennis player [laughing].”  (audio below)

Above: Intruding on a stranger’s photoshoot by the Brooklyn Bridge

Identity

Eman finds that people often have trouble figuring out what exactly is her background. They know she is a woman of color, but not much more than that. Once, she encountered a man on the subway who was shouting out people’s ethnic backgrounds. When Eman walked by, he fell completely silent. (audio below)

Above: A necklace from her parents that reads “Eman” in Arabic

Eman doesn’t feel like she has had to deal with a lot of overt discrimination, which she attributes to not being “visibly gay or Muslim looking.” Although she does think her career would be further along if she had been a regular white guy. 

“I remember when I first started doing stand up in Canada, and I wanted to talk about my identity off the top. My boss would be like, ‘maybe you shouldn’t push that right away because it makes people uncomfortable. Make them laugh with light stuff, then get into who you are.’” 

Audio: Eman opening her set at New York Comedy Club
Above: Eman’s wardrobe with a small Palestinian flag

She has had some strange experiences because of her background. Eman remembers once being called “edgy” for mentioning on the radio that she was Palestinian. She also has been heckled because, as she says, “people don’t like what they don’t know.”

“I did get heckled once by a drunk American couple that voted for Trump and called me a terrorist. The audience was really nice to be like, ‘get the fuck out of here!’ [to the hecklers]” (audio below)

Meeting Jess

In 2009 Eman met Jess, who was born in Montreal, Canada to a Peruvian mother and a Canadian father. They became friends on the Canadian comedy circuit. Eman didn’t think of Jess in a sexual way; in fact, she had never really thought of any woman in a sexual way! 

“My curiosity spiked one night when she was at the club; I looked at her in a different light. She has a line in her stand up about being bisexual, and I was like ‘Oh, my God – I’m totally curious!’ It was always on my subconscious. I thought if I were to fool around with a girl it would be her. I didn’t know I would end up marrying her!” (audio below)

New York

Eman knew that New York City was the place to be for standup comedy. Once a year, she would head down to NYC to do a show. It was perfect when she met Jess because she had the same idea about the city. Both Eman and Jess, as comedians, agreed that New York was a place they could both grow as comedians. Besides, Eman had always dreamed of moving to the US. She grew up obsessed with Beverly Hills 90210 and often fantasized about going to an American college by the beach.

They arranged a trip to New York City for a five-month “trial period”, staying in a small studio apartment. This trip was an excellent test for their relationship, and they passed. As Jess remembers,

“It became clear that we were going to do this together, and we were going to do life together.” (audio below)

Marriage

It also became clear that they wanted to move to the US more permanently. They decided to try and get green cards. Their lawyer suggested that Eman apply, and Jess come as her spouse. This complicated Jess’s plan. She already had the ring, and the proposal all planned out! In the end, Jess still proposed but did end up going to New York as Eman’s spouse.

They married at City Hall in Toronto in 2015. Jess’s father had just passed away, so she was a “complete disaster” emotionally, but is thankful they did it for the sake of the green card. 

“In our wedding photos, it looks like Eman is taking me hostage.”

A year and a half later, they had a proper wedding in Montreal [see the above photo]. Jess’s mom helped throw a beautiful wedding party. It was a “real cultural mishmash,” with Jewish traditions, Arabic traditions, mixed in with Peruvian food and culture. They did the hora and the dabka. As Jess remembers,

“We had belly dancers come out at the end, and my mom got down with them. I may have proposed to Eman, but at the wedding, I was full bride.”

They made the official move to NYC in April of 2016. Eman describes New York City as tough, gross, filthy, but also unique, fashionable, and colorful. 

“Originality is so embraced in New York City. You meet such interesting people who probably left where they are from so they could come here and express themselves fully. It is a beautiful liberal bubble where we think Hillary Clinton is president of this town.” (audio below)

Future

Eman tries to perform every single night, sometimes even more than one show in a night. She gets rusty quickly, so being on stage regularly is her way of staying sharp. Eventually, she hopes to have a stable income from comedy (and fame and fortune of course).

Audio: Eman discussing her and Jess’s relationship on stage at the New York Comedy Club

In regards to America’s future, Eman isn’t too sure. She wants to be an idealist and think that liberal-minded people will win in the end.

I want to believe this is the last of ignorance, but I look at the future, and I am so worried. I don’t know if evil wins in the end, but I feel like that is what’s winning right now.”

Update: Since the interview, Eman and Jess have a new daughter (puppy) named Esther Honey, their Crave Comedy Special The El-Salomons: Marriage of Convenience launched and they have been creating awesome cartoons about their lives together over on Instagram.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes have been edited for clarity and brevity.

Cristiana’s Immigration Story – Slatina, Romania to NYC, New York

Childhood

“You hear all these stories of Roma – commonly but problematically called ‘gypsies’- moving, traveling, wearing colorful clothes, having long hair, and other romantic fantasies about the ‘gypsy’ lifestyle. Thinking about my childhood, it could not be farther from the truth.” (audio below)

Cristiana was born in Slatina, a small town where there wasn’t much for a child to do. There was one main factory in town that produced aluminum that employed her father his entire working life. This factory was their family’s financial security and stability. Whenever you drove into the town, you would see a dark cloud of smoke coming from the factory. Reflecting on the pollution, it doesn’t surprise Cristiana that as a child, she always had problems with her lungs.

Cristiana’s mom married her father when she was 16. They met riding the bus that went to the town’s only cinema. Mistakenly she thought she knew him, so she started talking to him. He played along. Eventually, she realized he wasn’t who she thought he was, but by that point, she actually was starting to like him. Cristiana’s mother still jokes with her husband – “You are not the man you said you were!”

Cristiana’s mother’s childhood was short. On her way home from her very first day of school, she was in a horrible car accident. After recovering from being in a coma, she returned to school at the insistence of a teacher who believed in her potential. The teacher had the best intentions – to get an intelligent and curious child back on track – but her classmates were already too far ahead. Then when she was a teenager, her mother (Cristiana’s grandmother) was sick with cancer, so there was no chance for her to fully focus on her education or career. After growing up with such complex challenges, she wanted Cristiana and her brother to have a playful and carefree childhood with access to the best education, something she dreamed of but never had.

Grandparents

Cristiana’s paternal grandparents’ village, Balteni, was two train stops away. Traditionally, the youngest son (Cristiana’s father) stays in the village and takes care of his parents. Cristiana’s mother challenged this norm and insisted her family live in Slatina so that Cristiana could go to school. Every weekend or holiday, they would visit her grandparents as a compromise.

Cristiana remembers one spring she went to pick flowers with her grandma. They found snowdrops growing, removed them with the roots, and replanted them in grandma’s garden. The following spring, the flowers emerged from under the snow and just kept growing. Cristiana’s parents live on the property now, and she always asks them how her snowdrops are doing. Recently, Cristiana’s mother pressed a few and sent them to her by mail [see the photo above]. (audio below)

Cristiana’s grandparents were very active in their community. Despite the “invisible wall” that existed between Roma and non-Roma in their village, they were at the highest place a Roma could be in the local societal hierarchy – somewhere between tolerated and respected. Her grandfather was a respected blacksmith. His non-Roma neighbors would happily work with him, but they wouldn’t want any of their children to marry any of his children. The land he owned and the houses he built made Cristiana’s grandfather proud- a pride she couldn’t understand as a child. He would always say, “I bought the corner of the village.” As a kid, Cristiana would roll her eyes and say, “oh, grandpa is talking again about all the things he’s accomplished.”

“When I came to terms with my Roma identity, I started to see how Roma live life and the instability they have and how transient some of their lives are. I started to understand why my grandfather was so proud. For him, space, land, and belonging were incredibly important. I took that for granted as a kid.” (audio below)

Priviledged & Roma

“On one hand, I had a story of being Roma – working-class on the edge of society – and yet my story is one of incredible privilege and support from family.” (audio below)

Cristiana feels like she grew up very privileged in an underprivileged family. Her parents worked so hard and had little money, yet they never asked Cristiana for any help – they only wanted her to focus on her studies. She didn’t even have to do many of the chores other kids her age were doing, like taking out the garbage or washing the dishes. In high school, her parents spent the majority of their incomes (and even took out a loan), so Cristiana could be privately tutored. They didn’t want the limitations of their class to affect their daughter’s chance for success. 

Cristiana’s mom worked as a cleaner near Cristiana’s school so she could be close to Cristiana and her younger brother – dropping them off, picking them up, cooking for them. She did this throughout Cristiana’s schooling. Cristiana remembers how that embarrassed her at the time – that her mother didn’t have a “profession,” her classmates’ mothers. When she looks back now, she feels so proud of her mother.

“She was this gorgeous young woman who didn’t care about how it looked on the outside. She found a pragmatic way to make sure we went to good schools and financially contributed to the family.” (audio below)

Her father has a darker complexion and looks more Roma. To protect her identity, only Cristiana’s mother picked her up from school. (audio below)

“I heard stories of her going to the hair salon, with me along, and the ladies there said, ‘Your daughter is so beautifully suntanned. How long did you spend at the seaside?’ They couldn’t imagine that we were Roma.”

Hidden Identity

Cristiana didn’t have many friends growing up, primarily because she didn’t want her classmates to know she was Roma. She never invited anyone home to play in her small apartment.

“You learn how to keep a family secret in order to fit in. I did fear that I would treated badly as a Roma, but I found coping mechanisms – never inviting kids home and separating my school life from my family life. As a kid, you want to fit in, and you do everything you can to be accepted by others. Looking back, it is just so heartbreaking.” (audio below)

Hiding her true identity was challenging, but it allowed Cristiana to go to school without facing daily discrimination. It was an isolated existence but she wasn’t the type of person to get bored. She had a great imagination and spent a lot of time reading stories and dreaming. 

She figures that by high school, her two best friends had figured it out. They saw how she never invited them over, and they had the wisdom not to ask questions. Instead, they would invite her to their homes.

I never saw Roma women on television who are considered smart and confident and beautiful – who are acknowledged for who they are and their skin color is not a problem, so I always hoped nobody would notice it.” (audio below)

Cristiana’s parents always made sure her hair was short [see the above photo], so society wouldn’t think she was Roma. Her mother dressed her in greys and browns, never anything colorful. Her mother wanted her to look as far as possible from “the stereotype of a flashy gypsy with shiny clothes and long hair.” Cristiana hated her hair being so short. She remembers a doctor joking with her once, how if she didn’t have earrings on, he would have thought she was a boy. 

“I was this dark skinny kid with very short hair. Being beautiful was the last thing that crossed my mind. I was just hoping nobody would hold it against me that I was ugly. Nothing about me was girlish. It was hard.” (audio below)

Discrimination

Despite doing her best to hide her true identity to avoid discrimination, it did happen. She only remembers a couple of instances. At the end of first grade, she received an award for having the best grades in the class. 

“After the celebration, one of my classmates’ parents went to my teacher and said, ‘how can you give the best award to a gypsy girl?’ The teacher said she deserved it – she had the best grades. It was the last time I had the best.” (audio below)

After this, Cristiana always made sure never to be the best. “It was a trade-off – a compromise between being accepted and excelling.” Now, these memories enrage her. 

Confidence

By the sixth grade, Cristiana started to grow her hair longer with bangs, and a few classmates commented that she looked like Cleopatra. 

“It was the first time that I felt powerful and beautiful.”

When she was 15, a photographer in her town approached her and asked if he could photograph her – telling her she would look beautiful in his photos. She looked at some of the other models he had shot and couldn’t understand why he wanted to photograph her. She thought it was a joke. 

“When I saw the first photos printed, I didn’t recognize myself. That was the beginning of me feeling more confident and seeing myself in a new light. “ 

In retrospect, Cristiana is happy she didn’t spend her youth worrying about clothes or hair. It allowed her to focus on other “more substantial profound things.” 

“I feel comfortable with this ugly duckling story.”

United States

Cristiana’s first trip to the US was in 2006 at the end of her third year of college as part of a summer student program. She was 22, it was her first time abroad, and she was going to work at a fancy country club in Maryland. She admits it sounds cheesy, but “it was like a script from a Hollywood movie. I had the right people at the right moments, who were open and receptive and kind. I was like Alice in Wonderland”. 

The country club decided they had too many summer students, and Cristiana needed another job. Luckily, Steve, this Italian American manager at a restaurant in Baltimore, came to her rescue. He found her a friend’s empty house to live in, two part-time jobs, and he even invited her to an Italian wedding. 

“It made me feel like I belong in a way I had never felt before. The support and care and kindness I met in the US gave me the energy and strength and inspiration to go through the process.

This overwhelmingly positive experience in Maryland gave her confidence to explore her identity as a Roma. 

“It was eye-opening, and at the end of that summer, forced by circumstances, I talked about my Roma identity for the first time. The beginning of this journey of trying to understand for me what it means to be Roma, understand the Roma people and see where I fit in. It’s hard redefining who you are and exploring a part of your life you avoided for so long.

Cristiana returned to Romania, opened her computer, and started researching – “who are the ‘gypsy’ people”?

Cristiana felt inspired like never before to make a difference in Romania and the world. While finishing her psychology degree, she started an organization to help youth employability and soft skills. Still, the focus wasn’t explicitly on the Roma; it was a mainstream initiative for Romania.

As she contemplated her next steps academically, she had to continually fight with her grandfather’s voice in her head – “Have you ever seen a gypsy who was a teacher or a lawyer or a professor?” (audio below)

Academia

Cristiana wasn’t going to let stereotypes stop her. In 2009, she received a Fulbright scholarship and went on to earn a Master of Education Policy at Vanderbilt University. It was a real immersive liberal arts experience – writing articles in the newspaper, taking electives in film studies, and she even started taking ballet.

“Ballet has been the most incredible discovery for me on a personal level. I used to say I hope my future children will not deal with the challenges I dealt with, and they will do ballet. There was a moment at 26 when I realized I was talking about myself. It permitted me to do the thing I only dreamed of as a child.” 

Above: Economist and Philosopher Amartya Sen, a mentor and inspiration, who has helped Cristiana greatly in her academic career

Her professors at Vanderbilt were encouraging when it came to her exploring her Roma identity.

“Being Roma went from being a complete secret to being a big part of my life. Once I take responsibility for something, I am a car without a brake.”

Cristiana wanted to add research to what she already knew through lived experience as a person from the Roma community. The more she researched, the more she realized there aren’t many books about her community. There also aren’t many Roma who have had the academic experiences she has had, and some Roma who are academics aren’t “public” about being Roma. Cristiana believes that “being vocal about being Roma is exceptional,” and she hopes this changes.

Roma Peoples Project

After graduating from Vanderbilt, Columbia University accepted Cristiana to continue her research on the Roma. She saw how researching the Roma could shed light on the experiences of other minority groups. 

“It is a time right now in the US and world where more and more minority groups are coming to terms with who they are and struggling to understand their place in the world.”

Columbia has had Roma students, but they’ve never had a project on Roma issues. In 2017, Cristiana launched the Roma Peoples Project, which operates under the Centre for Justice. The project aims to start a dialogue at Columbia and in society at large about the Roma people. 

“It was my personal search and desire to understand a complex identity that is not yet explored or understood. I want to do this work because I know how fortunate I have been.”

The project involves collecting materials on the Roma and creating a centralized digital archive, as well as highlighting the stories of people who are Roma.

“People are amazed that there are 12 million people who are Roma, and we know so little about them in academia. Then there are other people who know about the Roma but have never had a space to share these stories.” (audio below)

In her work, Cristiana discovered that a lecturer at Columbia, Dana Neacsu [see the photo above], created one of the first annotated bibliographies on the Roma people.

“I keep discovering people interested in the subject who already worked on this topic, but there hasn’t been a space to bring us all together.”

Cristiana still dreams of Romania. Every summer, her grandparents cultivated potatoes, and other vegetables. She loved it when they asked her to go out look for them – like a treasure hunt. In NYC, Cristiana lives close to the Metropolitan Museum of Art and regularly walks around the great lawn to look at the various objects. Once, she had a dream that brought these two very different places together.

“I was in their village in the potato garden, but instead of finding potatoes, I was finding art objects from the Metropolitan Museum of Art! What does this mean? The way I interpret it is that these two worlds have mixed. Maybe the next dream will be about finding potatoes instead of art objects here?” (audio below)

Hopes & Dreams

Cristiana hopes her project will create a space for Roma to express themselves that is not tied to geographical location, especially since the Roma people are so dispersed. 

“We are a global people by definition. We have a multicultural identity, and live in so many parts of the world – mobility and a more fluid relationship with cultures are at the core of how this identity has been shaped for centuries. I hope that we will understand that there is a diversity of ways that you experience this Roma identity. That’s the beauty of it. What it means for me to be Roma is different than what it means for others.”

She wants to inspire other Roma, who may be struggling with their identity, to become more vocal about it. Together, they can redefine what it means to be Roma.

“There are many incredibly successful and talented people who are Roma, and by speaking with their customers, students, and friends about being Roma, they could shatter stereotypes.”

Cristiana hopes that other universities will create projects and institutes associated with Roma Studies, not just for the sake of the Roma community, but as a way of understanding marginalization, displacement, and migration in general. 

“The Roma have been permanent refugees in Europe for over a thousand years. If we can understand the condition of Roma, and people who have survived without a country for so long, we can understand the modern condition. To deal better with a world that is faced with more displaced people and refugees. There is a richness of information that can be explored beyond ways in which it can contribute to Roma people.” (audio below)

Cristiana is working hard so a new generation of Roma will grow up confident, with a strong sense of who they are and with role models who have a variety of professions.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes have been edited for clarity and brevity.

Ximena’s Immigration Story – Lima, Peru to Miami Beach, Florida

Childhood

Ximena grew up in Lima, Peru’s capital, where family and friends surrounded her. Her best memories include camping on the beach and watching her grandpa make strawberry jam. The smell of cut grass always brings her back to Peru.

Tragedy

Ximena remembers an idyllic childhood until she was six. Her baby brother was supposed to be arriving but she sensed that something was wrong. When she asked her father, “Where is my brother?” – he pointed up to the sky.

“It was the first time I saw my dad cry.” (audio below)

After the loss of her brother, her parents’ marriage started to crumble. They were fighting a lot, and Ximena’s mom went into a deep depression. To make matters worse, in 2000, Ximena’s father was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

Florida

When she was eight, her parents separated, and Ximena and her mom left Peru for Miami. She hated having to go to a new school where people made fun of her for not speaking English. After six “miserable months,” her parents decided to try and make their marriage work. Ximena and her mother returned to Peru. When they returned Ximena and her parents lived in the same house as her maternal grandparents, and her cousin Malena, who Ximena has always thought of as a sister.

In 2006, Ximena’s dad was offered a position at a seafood distribution company in Florida. At the age of 14, Ximena and her parents moved to the US as a family. It was hard to leave because Ximena’s cousin had just had a daughter who was only four months old. Still, they packed three suitcases and their pet pug and headed to Miami.

After working for a seafood company in Florida for a couple of years, the business started failing, and so her father lost his job. They were his sponsor, and without this, he and his family wouldn’t be able to stay legally in the US. Ximena’s father looked everywhere for another job/sponsor. At the same time, in 2008, he was diagnosed with Leukemia – his second experience with cancer. 

The doctor treating her father felt bad about his situation and signed him up for a program through the American Cancer Association. He needed to take one pill four times a day, and just one of these pills cost 57 dollars! Luckily, because of the program, his treatments and medicines were free. This saved his life. Ximena’s father has been in remission since 2011.

“My father doesn’t look sick, but from what he used to be to what he is now is completely different. He used to have big muscles and was always showing them off.”

Undocumented

When her father lost his job, and couldn’t find another sponsor, Ximena, a senior in high school, became undocumented. Growing up, Ximena didn’t know what exactly she wanted to be but she always knew that she wanted to help people. When it came time to choose a career, she felt trapped by her undocumented status. Focusing on her studies during that last year of high school felt futile.

 “I would try to think about my future, and I could only think about the day after tomorrow.” (audio below)

After graduating high school in 2008, Ximena started working as a personal assistant for a lawyer who paid her under the table. What choice did she have? Ximena remembers people telling her to “just get married” so she could get papers, but she didn’t want to do that.

DACA

In 2012, a friend from high school was working at a private Montessori school and told Ximena they needed help. Ximena tried it out as a volunteer and loved it. She explained her situation regarding documentation to the school. They said they would have the position available for her once she had the proper documentation.

In June 2012, Obama announced DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals), and Ximena applied for it immediately. 

 “I don’t think I had ever felt that amount of hope before. It was like a bright light was turned on.”

Every day she would check her status online. On a rainy, miserable day in December, she checked, saw she was approved, and “fell on the ground with happiness.”  (audio below)

“Finally, I am able to do something with my life.” 

DACA allowed her to have a work permit, and start working at the Montessori school.

Becoming a Montessori teacher in 2012 changed Ximena’s life.

Above: Ximena keeps thank you cards from her students, as a reminder of the difference she has made in their lives. 

“The thing about working with children is it is tough, but it is also a reminder every single day that there is something to be happy about. Those children love you.” (audio below)

Ximena wanted to study, but she was going to have to pay out of state tuition, which is three times as much. In 2012 she decided to take one class at a time, which was all she could afford. 

Above: Graduation Cap from Miami Dade and yellow sash representing TheDream.US scholarship fund (audio below)

Finally, because of DACA, she could pay in-state tuition and she started taking more classes. She applied for TheDream.US National Scholarship in 2014 and this paid for her whole associate’s degree at Miami Dade College. She started working and going to school full-time. 

After this degree, and finishing her Montessori training, Ximena started her bachelor’s degree in Psychology at Florida International University.

Montessori Teacher

Ximena has become close to many of the students’ families at the Montessori school. When she graduated from university, they went above and beyond, giving her gift cards for books. It took Ximena a while to share her immigration story with some of the families whose children she teaches. Over time she started to feel more comfortable opening up.

“A lot of the parents have made it their mission to learn more about immigration and the immigration system.”

Support from these families has given Ximena confidence to put herself out there even though she is “not fully documented.” She knows not everyone in the US is as supportive. (audio below)

“When you put yourself out there, you get the nastiest out of people, but that doesn’t stop me. I need people to understand who we are and what we want. If you have DACA, it doesn’t mean you have it easy.”

Miami Beach

Ximena likes living in Miami Beach. She loves how you can find people from all over the world – different cultures mixing.  

You never have a boring day in Miami Beach.”

Ximena says she sounds Cuban when she speaks Spanish now, something her mom teases her about.

During Hurricane Irma in 2017, there was a mandatory evacuation of her neighborhood. After driving all over, trying to stock up on drinking water, Ximena, her pug, cat, and boyfriend went to his family’s place one hour away. They stayed there for five nights – 20 people, two babies, five dogs, and a cat – it was crowded, but they cooked a lot of delicious Cuban food. It was fun until the power went out, and they didn’t have air conditioning. Luckily after everything was over, she was able to return to her apartment safely.

Grandpa

One person Ximena really misses is her maternal grandfather, who lived in the same house as her growing up. 

 “He taught me how to use tools. After four daughters and six granddaughters, he was like, ‘I need to teach one of you to build stuff.’”

Ximena and her cousin would spend days with him, building birdhouses and completing school projects.

I had to do a little electricity circuit. My grandfather went all out, and we made this huge model with this little church in the middle, street lights, houses, and I got a really good grade. I remember it perfectly.” (audio below)

Ximena thinks her love for helping people comes from her grandpa. He was the type of person who would take the food from his own mouth to give it to you. He passed away in 2015, and Ximena never was able to see him or say goodbye to him in person. The most she could do was send him a video, and have her cousin show him. Her cousin says he smiled when he saw it. Losing him was devastating for Ximena – she was angry that she was never able to say goodbye. 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, and I couldn’t say goodbye. To me, it meant everything that I wasn’t there for him. I should have been there with him, but I wasn’t able to be.” 

Belief

Ximena’s maternal grandmother is a very religious woman, and Ximena has distinct memories of grandma, taking her to go to church with her when she was growing up.

“Even though I was forced, I still loved it because I spent time with grandma.”

After more than a decade of being apart, Ximena’s maternal grandmother came to the US in 2016. During that visit, her grandma tried her best to get Ximena to return to Catholicism. She was confused by all of the Buddhist items around their house. Ximena’s mother had become a Buddhist and started practicing yoga after learning about it when she cleaned a Buddhist’s home. Grandma didn’t know this.

Ximena appreciates religion but doesn’t follow any particular one.

 “I don’t belong to any religion. I take what’s best from different religions and apply it to my life.”

Ximena loves her parents. Her mom is her best friend, and she will always be her “dad’s little princess”. Ximena is incredibly grateful for all that they have sacrificed for her to be where she is today. 

 “My parents have given everything they have in order for me to have a better future.”

Her mom still works every day as a cleaner while suffering fibromyalgia. A typical day for her is working hard, coming home, and then going to bed.  

Future

It’s been more than a decade since Ximena has been back to Peru, and she misses her country of birth. She wants to go back and visit, but she knows she would never feel like she belongs there. Her time in the US has been tumultuous – full of “fear, anxiety, and sadness,” but she knows it isn’t the United States’ fault.

Luckily Ximena found Montessori teaching, something she loves. Crying with their parents when the students’ graduate continues to be a priceless experience for her.

*Update: Since the interview, Ximena became a lead teacher at the Montessori school, got married, and now has a green card. She is thinking about returning to university to do a Master’s Degree. Ximena is hoping to become a therapist for youth who have experienced trauma. 

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Bomi’s Immigration Story – Chungju, South Korea to St. Louis, Missouri

Childhood

Chungju, where Bomi grew up, is a small city surrounded by mountains. If you drive 15 minutes away, it is entirely rural. Bomi and her father spent a lot of time hiking in nature – memories she cherishes. Bomi’s extended family lived close by, and there were many family gatherings.

Above: Bomi (in green pants) with her cousins

She has good memories of karaoke with her friends and going out to eat street food. Mostly though, her memories are of school.

“A lot of my memories from being a student in Korea are of studying and after school mentoring. It is an intense competitive education. A hobby was something I never got to have in Korea because I was so focused on school. It’s kind of sad.” (audio below)

Bomi was a top student through middle school, but once she got to high school, she didn’t shine anymore. This realization affected her self-esteem, as she discovered for the first time that many people were smarter than she was. Her high school was “extreme” running from eight in the morning until ten at night with no weekends and no summer breaks. It was exhausting, but at the same time, it was normal – all the other students were in the same situation.

“I didn’t know American students get out of high school at three o’clock or that extracurricular activities even exist. You do what you are told to do and don’t know better. I didn’t think it was abnormal. Looking back, I think it is absolutely crazy.”

Above: Bomi’s mother was the breadwinner, so, growing up, she spent a lot of time with her father

Growing up, Bomi had an uncommon household situation in Korea, as her mother was the ‘breadwinner’ and she is older than her father. She showed Bomi that she could be whoever she wanted to be. 

For her time, my mom is a superwoman – a very strong character. “

Bomi’s parents are “outgoing, crazy, super fun, and like to dance.” Her father loves to play the chopstick drums. Bomi is an only child, so it was very hard on her parents when at 16, their daughter left to the US.

“I thought it would be super glamorous like Hollywood parties and people on the beach. You don’t have a movie showing central Illinois; you see San Francisco or New York City.” (audio below)

International Student

Bomi first came to the US in 2008. She wanted to learn English, so the first thing she did was go to California to study at a language school. She figured all of the US would be like California, but that wasn’t the case when she arrived in Illinois.

Bomi signed up for a one year exchange to attend Mater Dei High School in Breese, a town in rural Illinois. Her host family, who lived in nearby Trenton, hadn’t hosted before. They chose to host Bomi after reading in her application about how she could make delicious Korean food. They didn’t have children, and Bomi became their adopted Korean daughter.

 “I was terrified for the first time being away from family in a totally different country. I always enjoyed meeting people and telling them about Korea – being an ambassador for Korean culture. When you’re in Korea, you don’t think about being Korean.” (audio below)

It was the first time the high school in Breese had exchange students. Bomi was surprised and impressed with how friendly everyone was towards her and the other three exchange students. Breese isn’t a diverse community, but luckily the other students thought it was cool to hang out with someone different.

“I like that people know each other. It helped me feel welcome. Everybody was so friendly and helpful. I have never experienced any racism or discrimination that I was really afraid of before I came here. What if they make fun of me or are mean? I was afraid of being bullied, but people are just curious about my story – people ask questions to get to know me.” (audio below)

She tried a lot of things she would never have done in Korea, like: play Ski pong (beer pong but using the local soda, Ski), go fishing, ride four-wheelers, milk a cow, or eat at Dairy King (not Dairy Queen). The first restaurant she went to was Steak N Shake; she was expecting something fancy. (audio below)

Bomi returned to Korea after her exchange year was over, but she felt a huge sense of loss leaving her host family. Luckily, they reached out and told Bomi that if she wanted to come back to the US and continue going to high school and college, they would love to host her again. When Bomi returned to Illinois, she excelled and went on to be her high school’s Prom Queen.

“I was prom queen – so that’s crazy. I’m not used to that kind of attention. I think I just didn’t have enemies.” (audio below)

After high school, Bomi attended McKendree University, a small private school in Lebanon, Illinois, where she received a lot of attention as an international student.

Bomi followed in her mother’s footsteps and majored in Education, but had a change of heart and switched to Psychology.  She graduated in 2015 but didn’t want to leave the US. To remain in the country legally, Bomi needed to either start grad school right away or find a job. Grad school would be a lot of money, and she didn’t even know what she wanted to study next. She had a job lined up at the university for when she graduated as the international admission counselor and advisor. This would be her best opportunity to stay, so she took the job, thinking they would sponsor her visa. They didn’t. Bomi felt betrayed and knew that her time in America was running out.

Meeting Adam

Bomi and Adam met online in 2016, right before she was going to need to leave for Korea. Adam was born in Canada’s capital Ottawa and moved to the US in 2000. Adam remembers their first date. 

“I got out of the car to go up to the door to meet her, and I could immediately tell she was very uncomfortable. She was avoiding eye contact. I was trying to be as disarming as possible. I have a radar detector set up in my car, and I don’t think that helped her feel more comfortable.” (audio below)

Neither of them was ready for a serious relationship when they met. Bomi, primarily because she knew she was going to need to return to Korea soon. Still, they found themselves spending every weekend together hiking. She kept hoping some miracle would happen and she would be able to stay, but that never materialized. She was devastated to leave Adam, but they also weren’t at the stage of their relationship where they were ready for marriage. Bomi returned to Seoul and taught English, but she and Adam were always in touch. It didn’t take long for Adam to decide to fly to Korea to meet Bomi and her family. Adam had never been to Asia and knew little about the region, but he was ready to broaden his horizons.

For his first night in Korea, the family had prepared a six-course sashimi dinner. Adam was intimidated, nervous, but Bomi’s parents seemed to like him. Adam remembers the moment when he realized the seriousness of their relationship.

“The turning point was when we went to climb this mountain – it was brutal but incredibly beautiful. After that, I think I knew I was in love.” (audio below)

When Bomi and Adam discussed the idea of her returning to St Louis to live, Bomi was surprised that her parents seemed okay with that.

“I thought they were going to tell me I was crazy. They saw something in Adam and trusted him.” 

If her parents had been against their relationship, Bomi doesn’t think she would have returned to marry Adam.

Marriage

Bomi returned to the US on a three-month tourist visa, and she and Adam decided to get married. They had barely known each other for a year – and most of that year, they spent apart – so, in hindsight, they think it was “a pretty crazy decision.” 

Bomi’s father created an enormous banner [see the above photo] for their reception that reads, “This moment is more precious because it is shared with you.” They love that the only English words on it are “wedding, day and Adam.” (audio below)

It was a strange experience for Bomi, being in the US, and waiting for work authorization. She was used to being active and involved – working and making money. She spent her days stuck at home, cleaning, and cooking.

Midwest

Bomi likes the fact that St. Louis isn’t too big – it’s just big enough, affordable, and it has a small-town feel. She likes how it is a place where you can make your mark, and “everybody knows each other through somebody.”

“It is my second home. As long as I’ve been in the States, this is what I know. It is weird to say you like the Midwest, but I like the Midwest. I feel more at home here than I do in Korea now.” 

Bomi feels like it was in the US, where she started thinking for herself. 

“A lot of the things I have strong opinions about are from the influence of living here. Things I wouldn’t have been exposed to or thought about in Korea, I got to have an opinion about here. I’m not an American, but I feel like I’m not super Korean either.” (audio below)

Above: Bomi describes this as the “most Korean picture I could find.”

Identity

Sometimes Bomi feels guilty for not being more connected to her Korean roots.

“I feel like I’m a bad Korean. I’m not involved in the Korean community and I don’t go to the Korean church. I really don’t do Korean stuff, and don’t hang out with a lot of Korean people. I think I am very integrated with everybody else here.”

Looking at Korea from the outside, Bomi realizes the country’s issues around sexism, patriarchy, and lack of freedoms. Before coming to the US, for example, she had never thought about same-sex marriage.

“Same-sex marriage is not something we talk about in Korea. Growing up, I thought Korea didn’t have any gay people. We don’t talk about sex or sexuality. I know one gay person in the entire country, and he isn’t my personal friend – he’s a celebrity.”

Social justice issues that she wouldn’t have contemplated or cared about in Korea are now the things she cares about thanks to her exposure to them in the United States. 

Bomi loves her pet dog and cat. Jet is an old rescue from a greyhound race track in Tennessee that Adam adopted. Bomi describes Jet as a “super whiny, anxious, couch potato, very dumb, and loves going on W-A-L-K (can’t say that word).”

Lion, the cat, is high energy, curious, and always hungry for odd things like flour and white mushrooms. He loves sucking on fleece blankets to sleep. Lion, in line with his peculiar personality, started joining Bomi and Jet for walks. Neighbors with kids will come out to watch as Bomi, her dog, and her cat, walk by.

“Everyone knows I’m the one with a greyhound and a ginger cat following.” 

St. Louis Mosaic Project

Bomi works as the assistant project manager at the St. Louis Mosaic Project run out of the World Trade Center St. Louis. The Mosaic Project is a regional initiative to attract people born outside of the US to the area and retain them. As an immigrant herself, Bomi feels a personal connection to the project.

It is heartwarming to see people having a great experience in St. Louis, like I have.

Before they employed her, she had been volunteering for the project. She loves that her work is rewarding, and she gets to meet people from all sorts of different backgrounds.

I feel like I’m a small part of something big.

One project that Bomi is particularly proud of is the International Mentoring Program Meetup Group. Many families that move to St. Louis have one partner (usually the husband) who has the job/routine/friends. In this case, the spouse (most often the wife) feels left out and doesn’t know where to go or what to do. This meetup group matches the lost spouse with a local woman in St. Louis. This project grew to involve 60 local women and is advantageous for them, too; it connects them to a person from a different background.

This project is personal for Bomi since she has been in their shoes before. Bomi remembers how “unsuccessful, useless, isolated, defeated” she felt after she had first applied for her green card. Bomi, unlike most of these women, had the advantage of already having been in the US for a decade. When they have events and invite their husbands, Bomi can see these women glow as they introduce their partners to their network of friends.

The whole family has to be happy to stay in St. Louis, and this is what retains people.

Adam is keen on learning Korean. He finds it very hard, but fascinating how there are so many customs embedded in the language. “In Korean, there are four or five ways of saying everything, depending on who you are talking to.”

Bomi loves her life in Missouri and feels like she has many people to thank – like her host family and the people at Mater Dei High School and McKendree University who saw something in her.

“They gave me a sense of belonging – something people always struggle with.”

Future

She has felt valued and appreciated here. She would like to return to university eventually, and “be a master of something,” but she doesn’t know what yet. For now, she enjoys her job. Her dream is to have her family in St Louis with her.

“I’m an only child, so I think about what I am going to do. I don’t see myself living in Korea. The older I get, the more I think about how I want my parents to be around. When Adam and I have children of our own, I want my parents to be around.”

Adam and Bomi are in the process of deciding whether or not to put roots in St Louis – a place neither of them is from originally. It is the place both of them have lived the longest as adults. 

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Mike’s Immigration Story – London, the United Kingdom to Norman, Oklahoma

Childhood

Mike’s childhood in London wasn’t easy. He grew up in the northwest area of the city in a low-income family that lacked stability.

Above: Mike being held by his mother. Smoking, drinking and doing drugs were commonplace in his house.

Mike still thinks London is the most magnificent city in the world. Smells are a big trigger for childhood memories, like the smell of the tube (underground train) and wet concrete when it rains – earthy yet industrial.

“That, to me, is London – a big concrete and brick city, and it rains all the time.” (audio below)

Mike’s birth was unplanned. As a baby, his parents – who he never really remembers being a ‘couple’ – and his two much older half brothers were at the home. His oldest brother left home at age 16 when Mike was only one year old. “When he had the opportunity to get out, he did,” and in hindsight, Mike respects him for doing so.

Above: Mike with his brother and his brother’s son. “That was my brother being there for me when I needed him to be. The way he has his arm around me brings a tear to my eye. I always knew he would protect me.”

Instability

Mike grew up in a musical household – three or four guitars were always laying around. Mike’s grandfather, Alexis Korner, was a celebrated blues musician. He figures it was the musician’s lifestyle that got his parents into drugs.

“You can’t grow up and hang out with the Rolling Stones and not get into heroin.”

“Essentially, both of my parents spent their lives dealing drugs in one form or another. That’s probably how they met, and that’s why they split up. It dominated most of my young life, but I didn’t know it at the time. Looking back as an adult, I am like, ‘Oh, ya that’s why that happened!’”

When asked what his father did for work, Mike replied, “What hasn’t he done? He repaired trucks, managed tours for the band Motorhead, and most recently he drove a cab. His father was never in the best of health. 

When Mike was 12, his mom met her boyfriend John. Mike remembers John as “the only person who could ever handle her” and he really looked up to him.

“It was my birthday. I wanted to be Bob Dylan, so he bought me a harmonica and said I could play his guitar anytime I wanted. That’s when I learned that I loved the guy.”

Above: Mike, as a teenager, with two of his best friends.

Mike’s first connections to America were his godmother who lived in Los Angeles, and his best friend in London who was from New York. His first visit to see his godmother was when he was six.

“From the moment I came to the US, I loved it. Getting into my godmother’s late 80s Oldsmobile, hot leather seats, palm trees. I was like, ‘Wow, this is pretty awesome!’ I think I was always meant to come back.”

Loss

Mike’s mother died in 2006 when Mike was only 18 – the toughest thing he has ever gone through.

Mike needed to get out of the house after his mother’s death, but realistically he didn’t have anywhere to go. He had always lacked confidence and motivation and he didn’t expect to get into college. Mike thought it was a mistake when a journalism program in Falmouth, Cornwall, accepted him. After a couple of years of studying rarely, and socializing often, he decided to move back to London, where he got a job as a police community support officer. It was a position designed by the Metropolitan Police in London to bridge the gap between the community and the police.

Love Online

Mike wasn’t loving the job, he was dealing with depression, and looking for some to connect with. He turned to the internet. One night he was scrolling through “cam model” thumbnails and clicked on a redhead he found attractive.

Caelie, who is from Oklahoma, was living in Portland, Oregon when Mike came across her picture. She started working as a camgirl to put herself through massage school. She was “camming” with a lot of people every day, but as Caelie explains, Mike was different from the other guys.

“He didn’t come in and be like ‘show me your boobs.’ He was more like: What kind of music do you like? Do you have a college degree? Who’s your favorite artist? We started talking more and more in this casual way online. He was engaging, interesting, and kind. I felt like I was being seen and heard, and that was a really new experience for me.” (audio below)

Things between them moved fast – within the first few conversations; it was clear something was there. Mike kept coming back and spending more money to chat with her, and she knew that because of the time difference, he wasn’t sleeping. As Mike remembers,

“I was never looking for love, but it found me. I was just looking for someone to listen to me and make me feel special. The more I got to know, the more I liked her, and the fact that it was reciprocated was even more shocking to me. I was just paying to be there!”

Caelie and Mike started writing a lot of letters back and forth. Caelie has always liked to write, feeling like it is a very personal thing to do. 

“That was my way of sharing a part of myself with him and being vulnerable with him. Sometimes the internet feels very impersonal. To have something that someone has touched is special. We had to grasp at straws to create intimacy because of the distance, and writing for me, was a way.”

Mike really wanted to meet Caelie in person. He felt like his job working as a community support officer for the Police in London, was a “dead-end,”  and he was ready for a change.

Above: A selfie they took on Mike’s first visit to Oregon.

Together

When Mike arrived in Portland in 2011, he never had any intention actually to move to the US. They had been talking every day for months, so it was exciting to finally meet Caelie in person. 

That first time when we first got to share the same space. It was incredible. We already knew, but it confirmed it for us. Everything else is there; now we just need to occupy the same physical space. From that moment there was no question. There were lots of questions from people around us, but we never doubted it.”

Caelie remembers waiting for Mike at the airport in Portland and how intense that first meeting was. She remembers their first hug – it was overwhelming.

We got out to my car in the parking garage and just sat there and stared at each other for a little while. That was a really good two weeks. We didn’t leave the house as we were just enjoying each other. We both cried when he had to go.” (audio below)

 Above: Tickets from the top of Space Needle in Seattle, where they made the decision to get married.

Mike and Caelie visited each other in person every three months for a while, then Mike came to the US on a fiancé visa in 2012. They tried to do the application without an immigration lawyer, but they hadn’t provided enough evidence of their relationship. After five months of waiting, they got the rejection. The second time they applied, they sent in “more than enough evidence.” 

“Even with Mike being from a western country, white, speaking English- it was hard and expensive. I really feel for people who have more obstacles. We had all the cards stacked for us, and it was still really difficult.”

Molly

Caelie was pregnant within two weeks of Mike’s arrival. Neither of them planned on having kids before, but oddly enough, if they ever had a daughter, they both agreed that they wanted to name her Molly. (audio below)

They had a “shotgun wedding” and got “some looks about it” but they were so in love nothing else mattered. Molly was born in August 2013.

“Molly is smart, sassy, and strong. She is so independent, and it is a huge pain in both of our asses. We wouldn’t want it any other way. She’s a tiny person and reminds me of both my wife and me every day. It’s an honor, and it’s absolutely terrifying, and I don’t want to mess it up. (audio below)

Despite coming from different backgrounds, Mike says he and Caelie want the same thing for their daughter – to provide her with unconditional love. 

“We want her to have that safety and security of knowing no matter what happens and who you are or the decisions you make, you will be loved. We are your people until the moment that we don’t exist. That was something my mom actually taught me. Her love was never conditional, despite the plethora of crap that was my childhood – I never questioned her love. She made sure I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes, and that I went to school. That’s always been the baseline of what a parent owes a child.” (audio below)

Mike also knows many of the things he experienced growing up – he never wants Molly to encounter. He doesn’t want her to be around drugs or irresponsible adults.

There is nothing that quite compares to being a kid and realizing that the person you are relying on is not reliable. It shakes things. Despite knowing that my mom loved me there were times when she was screwed up – whether it was drinking, drugs, or bad relationships. Realizing that I didn’t necessarily come first at those times was kind of scary, and I don’t want that for my kid.” 

Oklahoma

When Mike arrived in 2012, they lived at Caelie’s parents’ house. Mike needed to find work to support his pregnant wife. His first job in Oklahoma was as a laborer, laying mortar for a masonry company. After that, he got into selling insurance over the phone. He figures his British accent got him that job. After the call center, he became an associate agent for All-State Insurance. Still, he wanted to try something else.

In 2018, Mike started working as the volunteer coordinator at the Cleveland County ReStore for Habitat for Humanity. This ReStore focuses on taking care of the local community and getting people out of poverty. Volunteers do most of the labor at the store. 

Mike describes Oklahoma as “quintessential midwest,” barely any hills, big plains, buffalo, and waving wheat. They have scorching summers and short cold winters, and dealing with tornadoes is normal. Politically it is a “a very red state, the buckle of the bible belt”, but Norman is a university town, so it is a “very blue bubble in a red state”.

It bothers Mike how the community is polarized as a result of the region’s history.

 “If you are rich and your family’s rich, then you live on that side of town; if not, you are over there.”

In East Norman, where they live, it is more diverse. Mike wants Molly to grow up, “knowing that there are people different than her, and that’s a good thing.”

For a while, Mike and Caelie were thinking about moving. They decided to stay.

We want to make this place better and take care of what we do have here – a budding and caring community.”

Above: Mike wearing a scarf Caelie knitted and mailed to Mike after they started talking online

Modern Love

Caelie feels like she and Mike have a truly modern love story. Their courting seems unique, but she thinks it may become less unusual as time goes on. Caelie says ‘cam work’ is amazing because it is something that is usually done willingly as a choice. It allowed her to be financially independent and to find love across an ocean.

“I chose to be in it, and I enjoyed the work while I was in it. When I didn’t enjoy it I stopped. It taught me a lot about my fellow humans and what’s normal. It set me up to be open to something.” (audio below)

It is still something Caelie believes should be done carefully- especially the idea of meeting in person with someone you met online.

“Everybody should be cautious online, but you can’t live in complete fear. You have to put yourself out there in order to find love and a life that you want.”

Future

Mike wants to grow old with Caelie in Norman, Oklahoma. 

“Caelie is the glue to who I am as a person. I love her with all my heart.”

He hopes in the future he can look back and say that he had a part in making Norman a better place – “a little more loving, a little more caring”.

“Through my work in the community and also through raising a child that is going to live those ideals, teach other people, and maybe have her own children someday. The best I can do is try and raise a kid who is going to make the world a better place. It’s not a big fancy dream – it’s pretty straight forward.” (audio below)

*Update: Since the interview, Mike became a US citizen and returned to working as an associate agent for All-State. He says his experiences in the non-profit sector have helped him be more focused on improving the local community with the work he does with insurance. Mike’s father passed away in February of 2020.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh & Janice May. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Phanat’s Immigration Story – Phanat Nikhom Refugee Camp, Thailand to New Iberia, Louisiana

Phanat’s parents met in Laos during the 1970s. They were both working for a French colonial family – Phanat’s mother was their servant, and his father was their security guard. After the Vietnam War, they fled from Laos to Thailand, out of fear of political persecution. His father left first, crossing the Mekong river at night, and his mother followed weeks later. 

Phanat Nikhom Refugee Camp

They had Phanat’s brother, sister, and then in 1981, Phanat was born in the Phanat Nikhom Refugee Camp. Six months before his birth, his parents’ resettlement to the US was approved. The family would be going to Louisiana, where Catholic organizations were helping resettle refugees, and the state had an abundance of available low-wage jobs. 

Louisiana

The family arrived in New Iberia in 1983, the largest city in Louisiana’s Iberia Parish. They lived in a three-bedroom trailer with a total of 11 people from three different families.

“We didn’t have a bed to sleep on. My mom found a mattress on the side of the road and pulled it into the trailer.” (audio below)

Survival for Phanat’s parents in this new country with three children and no money was hard. Their first job was sorting potatoes into cans and making $1.80 per hour. They also peeled crawfish and shucked oysters. He remembers his family members always smelling like seafood.

Everyone in their family had an economic function.

“If you existed and you were eating, you needed to do something.” 

Most of Phanat’s life has been within a three-block radius of New Iberia. Growing up, Phanat felt like he was living simultaneously in two different worlds; no one at home would be able to explain the “American” things he was learning at school, and no one at school understood his culture at home. 

“I had to figure a lot out on my own, since I spoke a different language, had different food, and different music. I grew up having to be very adaptable to every situation.” (audio below)

Above: Wat Thammarattanaram Buddhist Temple in Iberia Parish

Lao Community

Many families from Iberia Parish’s Lao community that arrived in the 1970s and 1980s have had similar experiences to Phanat’s. The region had federal training programs that targeted immigrant men to work in the oil fields and women in the textile industry. Because many of these immigrant families had dual-income households, they quickly elevated to a higher socioeconomic position within the community. This success, in turn, led to a lot of xenophobia and resentment from locals.

“Americans were used to a certain way of going about work. These immigrants came in, worked hard, did not take breaks, and that was threatening.” 

The Lao community has been somewhat insular and isolated in Iberia Parish – forming their own community ties to sustain their customs and traditions. Phanat believes the downside is that they have missed out on participation in local government and culture. As Phanat grew older he started to see himself as a connector between the Laos community and the other Louisianans.

Asia Market

Phanat’s mother always had an entrepreneurial spirit. She quit school after second grade in Laos to grow and sell vegetables at the market. After arriving in Louisiana and working in factories, she longed for a job where she could work for herself. She saw how many other Asian people were coming in Iberia Parish and looking for commodities they missed from Asia. Phanat’s mother opened her market in 1985, and offered many things from Asian movies to staple foods like rice, to small loans to help others start their own small businesses. She also started an urban garden in their backyard, growing Asian produce to sell at the store.

“The store became a mecca of Southeast Asian culture. There was an economy that was independent of the mainstream economy that was built in the Asian community.” (audio below)

Phanat has always had a lot of creative energy, and being the youngest child allowed him some space to explore this side. His brother, as the oldest boy, had obligations to provide for the family, whereas Phanat had the “freedom to dream wildly.” (audio below)

When it came time for university, Phanat decided to become an architect. He thought it was a career that would “balance the pragmatic side of his Asian roots and his creative side.” He went on to study at the University of Louisiana and then went to Columbia University in New York City to study Urban Design. Phanat knows he could have gone anywhere in the world with his degrees, but he wanted to move back to New Iberia and help return the city to its vibrant past.

Above: A painting of Bunk Johnson, Louisiana’s prominent jazz trumpeter, on the side of Phanat’s Da Berry Fresh Market.

“I was learning all these great things, but my mind always went back to New Iberia. Why couldn’t this happen in New Iberia – wonderful architecture or a beautiful park?”

Audio: Phanat discussing New Iberia’s vibrant past and his decision to return to help revitalize the area

Returning Home

After a decade of being away, Phanat returned to New Iberia in 2010. Within a year, he started Envision da Berry, an organization focused on local creative and artistic activities that open dialogue on how best to improve the cultural and economic development within Iberia Parish. He targeted five core areas to improve – art, culture, economy, transportation, and health and wellness. 

“I knew I had minimal resources, but I could get paint and do something impactful and get people to have conversations.”

His first local art installation in 2011 was a temporary public space piece – ‘tactical urbanism.’ He collected a group of residents, picked a street, put up planters, and installed street furniture [see his plan in the above photo].

“Let’s imagine our neighborhood the way we want to see it in a few years, but do it in a temporary low budget way. My art is ephemeral, very in the moment. It takes into consideration where the community is at. It pulls from the community in the way that it manifests itself – whether through PVC pipes, or me singing in a pop-up gay show tunes bar.”

Community Garden

Phanat could see the need for fresh produce in the community – a community that lacked healthy food options. In 2013 he expanded on the garden his mother had started when he was a little boy, and the Iberia Community Garden Co-Op was born. It is a community-supported urban food farm focused on pesticide-free, bio-dynamic, and space-intensive food growing practices.

The garden has been this amazing thing in this community. It has become an obsession of mine and from it have found such peace and serenity.”

Above: A small community garden Phanat built in the middle of public housing

Aside from the community garden, Phanat has his personal garden, where he retreats for meditation and hopes to spend more time there in the future. He found himself involved in too many projects, stressed, and unable to express himself creatively. This garden is a place where he has complete control. 

I think gardening is communion with nature. When you plant a seed in the ground you can’t rush that. You can’t rush a pepper plant growing. What I do with my meditation is to get my mind to move at the same pace as nature. At harmony, at peace with everything in the universe.” (audio below)

Brother

Phanat and his older brother Saysane live together in the old family house. A year before Phanat moved back to New Iberia, his brother’s kidneys were failing, so he had to go on dialysis. He is on a waitlist for a new kidney. If he doesn’t get an organ soon, Phanat plans on giving him his. 

Growing up, his brother played all kinds of sports, and he always looked very healthy. However, his brother, like many people in the community, never ate healthily. He would eat the same things that so many people in this community eat that cause high blood pressure, heart disease, and diabetes. Phanat mentions how Louisiana is ranked 49th in terms of the health of the state’s population.

“It is the poor eating habits of poor people. – a box of fried chicken and a gallon of soda. When I drop him off at dialysis treatment, the majority of people there are poor black people. This is why I see the importance of the garden and our effort to bring fresh produce to the community.”

Building Bridges

When Phanat moved back to New Iberia, he knew that he was going to be true to himself as a socially liberal, progressive, gay, Lao Buddhist immigrant. He also expected himself to be at odds with the greater community, which is predominantly African American and either Catholic or Baptist. 

As time went on, Phanat built up trust with the community. In 2018 he got a call from the minister at the Star Pilgrim Baptist Church, a 149-year-old African American church. He told Phanat that the church would like to honor him with the “Pacesetter’s Award” as part of their black history program. Phanat responded, ‘You do know I’m gay, Asian and Buddhist, right?’

 “I never would have thought that an African American Baptist church would honor me with anything!” (audio below)

Receiving this award was one of Phanat’s proudest moments. He saw it as representative of a paradigm shift happening in the community, celebrating people no matter where they are from, how they pray or who they love.

Fresh Market

Phanat’s most recent project in New Iberia is Da Berry Fresh Market, which opened in 2017. It’s a combination of a fresh produce market and a job training program for the local community. At the market, you can find fresh produce from the community gardens. 

Phanat has passed the torch of managing the market to Carl, a young man from Mississippi. Carl used to work full-time in the oil fields while attending college at night. His diet was horrible. One day an elder mentioned to Carl that he wasn’t taking care of himself, and that planted a seed. Since then, Carl stopped drinking soda, eating candy, and getting fast food. He’s fully invested in being healthy – growing his own plants, buying organic, and exercising regularly.  

“I never would have imagined that my life would have changed that much from my diet.”

Carl feels more spiritually connected – like Da Berry Fresh Market is part of his calling. He respects Phanat for starting it and sharing his knowledge. Carl thinks the local African American community is kept in a “condition of disease” from the unhealthy food they eat. He hopes the market can help change this by creating, “a community, surrounded by people of African American descent who all learn and heal together.” (audio below)

Most of the work Phanat has been doing since moving back to New Iberia in 2010 has been for free. He has been widely recognized for all of his accomplishments, but as he says, “all these awards don’t come with a check!”

Above: Phanat after a meal at Brenda’s Diner, a favorite local restaurant.

Future

When Phanat returned to New Iberia, he committed to a “ten-year plan” to improve the community. It’s incredible how much Phanat has done since returning. As the decade comes to a close, Phanat wants to take more time for himself and spend more time on his personal garden. It is clear that no matter what Phanat does in the future, it will be creative and have a positive effect on New Iberia’s community.

*Update: Phanat’s brother Saysane passed away on April 7th, 2020 after a long fight with kidney disease, and complications from a very rare blood cell condition.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Priscilla’s Immigration Story – São Paulo, Brazil to Bedford, New Hampshire

Childhood

Priscilla was born in São Paulo, Brazil, the country’s most populous city, to a Brazilian mother and an Australian father.

“One of my greatest memories is going to a feira (outdoor market) with my mom and eating pastel and drinking sugar cane juice.”

The first time the family traveled outside of Brazil was to move to the United States – it was for her father’s job. Her baby brother, the youngest of her three siblings, was born in Boston. Priscilla will never forget the day the family learned that he had Leukemia.

“We all had to grow up fast.”

After that, most of the traveling the family did was for her brother’s health care. They moved between Brazil, Mexico, Singapore, and a few American cities. All this moving left Priscilla feeling as though she didn’t have a “home.” She learned to avoid close relationships with people, as she knew she was going to be saying goodbye soon enough. The family was in Singapore when her brother’s health took a turn for the worse. He passed away at six years of age when Priscilla was 14. It was then that, “everything just fell apart” for her family. 

She remembers her little brother, fondly.

“When times are tough, I look at his photo, and it reminds me to always be strong. He was strong even in his last breaths.  He had this very old soul that shined happiness.” (audio below)

United States

Priscilla moved to the United States permanently in 1996 to study travel/tourism, and hotel administration at a Lasell College in Boston, Massachusetts. Shortly after getting her degree, at age 22, she had her first child.

“I was not excited about being a homemaker, so I decided to put my degree to use and open up a home-based travel agency. This job allowed me to be with my child and use my degree to assist others with my passion for traveling.”

Family

Priscilla’s religious mother gave her these prayer beads. Although Priscilla doesn’t consider herself to be religious and lives by the motto “you do what’s best for you,” she keeps these beads with her at all times as a sort of protector. These beads symbolize her family’s religion, Catholicism, and all of the history connected to this. Priscilla emphasizes that, according to superstition, it is crucial never to break these, and if you do, you must make sure to collect all of the beads swiftly.

Audio: Priscilla remembers breaking the beads as a child

New Hampshire

After living in Massachusetts, Priscilla and her family moved to Bedford, New Hampshire. Bedford is a suburb of Manchester, the state’s largest city. Priscilla has always found it hard to fit in.  

“I can adapt anywhere, but fitting in is different. I feel that when I look around, I can’t find someone like me.”

Most people never guess that she is a mother of three, or that she’s in her early forties. She has found it difficult to make friends with the local women. When she has conversations with the other moms, they generally want to discuss their children. Priscilla wants to discuss other things. (audio below)

Priscilla has also noticed that when she walks around New Hampshire, she gets a lot of strange looks, which she attributes to her having darker skin. (audio below)

She recognizes that nobody’s life is easy. Still, she thinks life is harder in New Hampshire when you are a “foreigner” – especially around Bedford, which is not a very diverse place.

“When you see somebody else who is foreign, you automatically cling on.” (audio below)

Priscilla’s closest friends are still back in Brazil – and she tries to go back to see them most summers. 

Identity

Being the daughter of an Australian father and Brazilian mother, Priscilla sees herself as a blend of the two – “the in-between” or “the best of both worlds.”

“I’m not your loud and welcoming Brazilian, and I’m also not your close-minded Australian.” (audio below)

Priscilla has always had a knack for picking up languages and speaking them without a detectable accent. When she was in Brazil, people would ask her if she was American, and when she speaks Spanish to customers at work, they think she is from Mexico. 

Priscilla wants her children to have the opportunity to travel and learn about other cultures. Still, most importantly, Priscilla wants them to have a “home”. She wants her children to feel like they belong where they live. 

“New Hampshire is the place that my kids know the most. I don’t want them to feel the way I felt traveling all over.” (audio below)

Home

Soccer is Priscilla’s passion. She doesn’t play it as much as she used to, due to a couple of injuries, but it is still a big part of her life in New Hampshire. It’s one way she stays connected to her Brazillian roots, and it keeps her feeling young.

Priscilla works in customer service. She finds it strange that people don’t socialize after work like they do in Brazil. In Bedford, people go straight home after work, especially in the winter. The United States may be where she lives, but Brazil will always be her home. She misses the warmth of the people. 

 “The people in Brazil seem to be happier than here. You see a lot of poverty, but you also see a lot of happy faces, even when life is rough.”

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Jonathan’s Immigration Story – Kitchener, Canada to Las Vegas, Nevada

Childhood

Jonathan was born in Kitchener, a city he describes as not the nicest place, but also not the worst. Jonathan’s mom ran a flower shop, and his father sold parts for transport trucks.

“My childhood was great. We were poor, but I didn’t know it. I was given a lot of free time to create. Since I wasn’t able to get all the fancy toys, I would make them. I was content with that because I didn’t know better.”

Dreams

“When I was very young, one of my dreams was to fly. I have vivid memories of me walking, and I would be stepping on air. I wanted to fly, and I wanted to do something amazing. I’ve continued trying to be part of something amazing.” (audio below)

When Jonathan was just three, he became a fan of Michael Jackson, and by six, he taught himself how to moonwalk.

“Down by my house, there was a video rental store with one copy of ‘Moonwalker’ and one copy of ‘Thriller.’ Every week I would rent them, and it was a seven-day rental. I would bring them back, and that same day I would rent them again. They let me do that for a year and a half, then finally they said, ‘just keep them.’ I ended up burning through Moonwalker, though. I played it so many times it melted and got stuck in the VCR. Those movies I would watch and rewind and watch and rewind to teach myself. I only started dancing when I was 14, so I had a lot of years of just watching and copying.” (audio below)

Dance

Every year Jonathan would ask his mother if he could take dance lessons, and each year the answer was “maybe next year.” He didn’t know it at the time, but his mother was afraid of the teasing her son would likely endure if he took up dancing – and she didn’t know if he could take it. Finally, when he was 14, his mother gave in. Two years later, Jonathan went to study under the choreographer Sheila Barker, who took him under her wing, and to whom Jonathan refers to her as his “dance mom.” She was the biggest influence in his dance life and pushed him hard. “If Sheila made you cry, that meant you were something special.”

Dance came easily to Jonathan. When it comes to learning movement, Jonathan says his brain is like a sponge. It was everything outside of dance that was a challenge.

“I gave up hockey and baseball to dance. My uncles teased the crap out of me. I was known in my family as ‘fairy boy.’ The joy I get from dancing always outweighs whatever I was getting outside of it.” (audio below)

Assumptions

From Jonathan’s experience, the assumption for any male who pursues dance is that they are gay. Canadian society, when Jonathan was young, wasn’t as progressive and accepting as he likes to believe that it is now.

“As soon as I started dancing, they would push me around – they’d beat me up. For my grade eight graduation, my mom came to pick me up, and my friends spit on our car because I was dancing, and I was gay, a fairy boy. They spit on our car – my friends I had grown up with!” (audio below)

Jonathan had been dancing for one year when he decided to go to Eastwood, an art-focused high school in his hometown. Being around other artistic kids fed his drive, but still, he wanted more.

“It was whipped cream topping, but I wanted the whole cake.”

Immediately after high school, Jonathan got a job at an amusement park called Canada’s Wonderland, performing as Michael Jackson. When he looks back on it, he realizes how they were taking advantage of him. He did thirty shows a week and was receiving meager pay. Still, he loved it. He was so busy he forgot to eat. When his mom came to visit, she was furious. He remembers her taking him straight to the grocery to buy frozen meals. Despite the intensity, he still loved it – the freedom of being away from home. “It was one of the best jobs I’ve had, period.”

Ship Life

After that summer of dancing, he got a job on a world cruise. Jonathan had no idea what he was getting into. He had never been on a cruise ship, and the work schedule was intense. Jonathan was 18, very eager, and much younger than everyone else. He felt disliked right away and found himself in a toxic, bitter cast. It was his first experience of the ugliness of the performing world. He remembers how on his birthday, a fellow cast member stepped on his head on purpose and knocked him out during a show. He spent his birthday night alone, getting phone calls every hour from the doctor to make sure he was awake.

“Ship life is not for everyone. You are in confined quarters, surrounded by the people you work with. You can’t get away. ”

Still, there were positives to the experience – he moonwalked at age 19 on the Great Wall of China!

After the experience on the ship, Jonathan returned to Canada and started dancing in Toronto. He secured a part in the pantomime Aladdin starring the famous wrestler Bret “The Hitman” Hart – someone he was a huge fan of as a kid. In 2005, after living in Toronto for three years, he moved to New York. His best friend’s father, who had recently passed away, left Jonathan money in his will to be used for dance training. Jonathan’s agent didn’t like the idea, and looking back, Jonathan realizes how harmful this decision was to his Canadian dance career.

“I was a face in the Toronto dance scene, and I fell off the map.” 

Jonathan believed that a year studying in New York at the Broadway Dance Centre would turn him into a “different dancer”. When he arrived, he realized many of the classes were beginner level, and some of his classmates had never taken dance before. Jonathan started skipping class because of how useless it felt. He liked being in New York, but this wasn’t what he was looking for.

A Close Call

In 2006 he went on a cross-Canada tour with the Aladdin show. During this tour, Jonathan collapsed during the show and woke up with concerned people surrounding him. Jonathan tried to brush it off, but that night he couldn’t see, his head was pounding, and he couldn’t sleep from the pain. Jonathan tried to pretend to be feeling better. He went to the doctor, who told him not to worry about it.

Jonathan returned to New York to train and received a call from his mother. She said the stroke clinic had been calling the house, wondering why he hadn’t been to his appointment. The malformation in his brain looked like damage from a stroke. Although the tests came back negative, Jonathan had a severe migraine six days a week and was throwing up regularly. He has a malformation of blood vessels, and if he has surgery, there is a 60% risk of losing some of his motor skills. 

“You know I’m a dancer, right? That’s not an option.”

The focus became treating his migraines rather than surgery. Still, the doctor warned that by the age of 50, Jonathan could have severe issues with day to day functioning if the condition worsened. After this scare, Jonathan got serious about his health. Luckily the malformation hasn’t grown, but Jonathan knows that it could at any point. (audio below)

Above: That shock I had at 25 and being told I had lived half my life. I need to remind myself that time is fleeting. The only guarantee in life is that you are going to pass away.”

After his medical scare and suffering from severe migraines, he had his first experience at “a regular-person job.” Jonathan worked at his hometown grocery store, stocking shelves on the night shift. He lasted three months. 

“As a performer, you perform on stage and can hopefully bring joy and a moment of escape for the people watching. Stocking shelves, you work so hard and come in the next day, and it is like you weren’t ever there! ” 

Las Vegas

Jonathan received medical clearance to return to dance. After once again working on a cruise ship, he decided to try his luck in the USA. In 2009 Jonathan drove down to Las Vegas to work in a Cirque du Soleil show. Upon arrival, they told him he was no longer needed, as the person he was replacing was staying in the show. Jonathan had moved his whole life to Vegas for a job that didn’t exist.

“It’s always a series of unfortunate events it seems for me, but I always try to make the best of it.”

While Jonathan was trying to find any job to pay the rent, he went to an audition his friend suggested. He was surprised when they asked him if he was willing to trim his leg hair as a requirement to get the part, and although Jonathan still didn’t know anything about the show, he agreed. Soon after another person walked in, introducing himself as “Cher”, and informed Jonathan, he had auditioned for Divas Las Vegas, a drag show. Jonathan became one of six male backup dancers to the performers. (audio below)

So You Think You Can Dance

In 2009 he auditioned for So You Think You Can Dance Canada. He hadn’t prepared anything and made up a solo right there on the spot. It was great, but then they asked him to do the routine a second time. How could he replicate something he had improvised? Still, he managed to get on the show. (audio below)

In 2011, the producers of the show reached out to his agent, asking if Jonathan intended to audition for season three of the show. Although he hadn’t planned to do so as he was busy in Las Vegas, the phone call encouraged him to try again. He did well that season and made it to the top 12, but the show wasn’t the big break he was hoping for.

“I thought it was going to be that moment when I was like, ‘yes, I’ve done it.’ It wasn’t.” 

After returning to the drag show, Jonathan was in a 50 Shades of Gray-themed topless show. The producer started trying to put nudity into the numbers of the show that didn’t involve nudity. Any numbers that they couldn’t do topless he cut. This show that Jonathan initially thought was creative became a “generic topless show.”

“Grandma taught me if something is wrong to speak up.”

Jonathan told the producer that he thought his choices were demeaning and disrespectful to the women in the show. He’s glad he did because the producer listened, and changed the show for the betterment of the cast. Jonathan next performed in a show called Donny and Marie, for almost three years. During this time, he was having difficulty with his visa and was engaged to a Canadian woman. Jonathan moved to Vancouver to see if his relationship with his fiancée would work, but it didn’t. 

The directors at Donny and Marie wanted him to come back to the show, so he started the process of getting a new visa. On the day he was driving down to Vegas, Jonathan found out that the job he thought was available wasn’t. It was like deja-vu – driving to Vegas without a job lined up. Jonathan had spent $9000 on a work visa, so he figured he should try to make use of it. Once again, for the third time, Jonathan was back in the drag show.  

“Las Vegas is something everyone should experience once in their life. A completely different world than anything else that exists. After living here, going anywhere else is a huge culture shock. You get used to things never closing here.”

Grandma

Losing his grandmother in 2012, was an incredibly difficult time in Jonathan’s life. When the family was sorting through her belongings, they found plaques of newspaper articles about Jonathan that she hadn’t even unwrapped yet. Jonathan can’t bring himself to take the plastic wrap off. She was his biggest fan. Jonathan got a feather tattoo as a symbol of her.

“She was so close to me. She pretty much raised me. I was either at the flower shop or at grandma’s. She was Scottish and blunt and I learned so much for her. She always danced and she taught me about Tom Jones and Rod Stewart – all these ladykillers. My grandma always motivated my dancing. I was her superstar.” (audio below)

Future

Jonathan emphasizes how hard it was for him to get work visas (he has had two). 

“They go through your stuff with a fine-tooth comb. Freelancers aren’t established enough to get a work visa. I’ve been seriously considering moving back to Canada.”  

Jonathan doesn’t want to stop dancing and is looking for his next job. He is trying to focus on his priorities now, like taking care of his dog Dexter, and to take things slower.

“If I couldn’t dance anymore, it would be rough. This time while freelancing, I’ve come to learn that I am okay with not dancing. I’m not super content and happy, but I’m okay.”

Jonathan has advice the next generation of dancers.

“Believe in yourself because no one else will. Always stick to your gut. No matter what gets thrown at you, keep moving forward. It is one of the hardest industries to be in. Take every moment that you are dancing and just enjoy it. If you enjoy that experience of dancing, you are going to get something out of it. You lose jobs on stupid things: on eye color, hair color, or height. These things are outside of your control, so let go of them. Things inside your control – work your ass off for them.”  (audio below)  

*Update: Jonathan decided to move back to Canada. He is currently teaching dance, spending time caring for his mother, and in the process of trying to find his path.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh & Janice May. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Tano’s Immigration Story – Mexico City, Mexico to Liberal, Kansas

Childhood

Tano (Estanislao) was born in Mexico City. His father was a civil engineer, and the family lived in many different parts of Mexico for his work. When Tano was six, the family moved to Venezuela, where they lived for a few years. This new home allowed Tano to meet people from many different parts of the world. Without other relatives closeby, Tano’s bond with his brother grew very strong. Today Tano considers his brother his best friend. 

Their father, Estanislao Sr., was a hard worker and instilled a strong work ethic in Tano and his brother.

“My dad was everything. He was my role model. He always showed me the right thing.”

Every summer Estanislao Sr. had his sons work long days on the family farm. At five in the morning, they would be out watering trees, cutting alfalfa, and feeding the animals. Tano also spent a significant amount of his childhood living with his grandmother in Mexico City. When Tano was eight, he was sent to live with grandma to finish elementary school, and then again when he was accepted to the same all-boys Catholic high school his father attended.

American Football

The first time Tano saw American football was when a game was televised following his cartoons. He remembers thinking he would like to play the sport someday. From an early age, Tano was large compared to most Mexicans, so football seemed like a good sport to try. He started playing defensive end at age 17. 

Tano knew that his father wouldn’t approve, fearing it would interfere with his studies, so for the first two years he didn’t tell him. If his father asked where a particular bruise came from, Tano would say to him that it was from one of the cows. 

When Tano received the rookie of the year award, a local radio station wanted to do an interview. Tano didn’t want his father to find out, so he told him he was going out to study with a friend. Still, his dad found out about the interview and recorded it on a cassette. When Tano came home, he handed him the recording. Tano will never forget the first game his father came to watch, and how he tried to play his best. He remembers his dad telling him after the game, “If all of these players had a real job, Mexico would be different.’  

His father’s second wife revealed to Tano recently that when a sports magazine featured Tano, his father actually carried that article around and showed it to everybody. It meant a lot to Tano to know that his father was proud, even if he hid it. (audio below)

Meeting Paty

Tano went to a friend’s wedding in Cuernavaca, Mexico. The wedding started at noon, and by midnight he had met his future wife, Paty. The following day the two of them went out and Paty told him that she has multiple sclerosis. He didn’t know what that was, but he said he didn’t have a problem with it.

“When we started dating, she said, ‘you need to go with me to see a specialist, so you know what you are dealing with.’ The specialist was really clear. I was in shock and like, ‘I don’t know if I want to do this.’ We left the doctor’s office and she said ‘let’s go drink coffee’. I said, ‘no, I want to go home,’ and she said, ‘you owe me this.’ I’m glad she said that, or else we wouldn’t be here. We went to drink coffee, started talking about it, and I thought about how if I was sick, I would love someone to give me the opportunity. I cannot picture my life without her.” (audio below)

When Tano proposed to Paty, he was working as a prefect at school. Paty said the answer was “no” unless he got a better job. He started looking, and he found one in the swine business, which was the animal he promised his dad he would never work with. 

Tano spent a lot of time growing up on his grandpa’s farm, about five hours from Mexico City. He had lots of animals, and it was there where Tano first started dreaming of becoming a veterinarian and taking care of animals. Pigs, in particular, were important to the family. Trucks would drive up to the farm to pick up the pigs, and Tano had to help load them. But he will never forget the time a pig bit him – 45 stitches – and the doctor said he would be lucky if he walks again. Luckily he recovered, but he told his dad, “I’m not going to work with pigs ever in my life.”

Tano didn’t know at the time that he would end up studying to become a veterinarian, and his career would involve pigs.

Adoption

After marrying, Tano and Paty decided to adopt. The process in Mexico requires a lot of time, paperwork, and waiting for a phone call. Tano will never forget when Paty called and said, “You are going to be a dad!” Tano loves how his daughter sleeps the same way as Paty. People are often afraid to ask about adoption, but Tano and Paty aren’t shy about it. Their kids have always known they were adopted. (audio below)

Tano and Paty are both very proud of their children. His advice to other couples thinking of adopting:

“They are your own kids, and you need to feel that way. It is not about who is the biological father; it is about who raises the kid. Don’t care about what your relatives will say. It is about what you and your partner feel.”

One thing he has tried hard to teach his children is to finish what you start no matter what. 

“We live in a culture of quitters. If you start, you finish.” (audio below)

United States

Tano grew up thinking the United States is where candies come from and a place where everyone is successful. Paty, who is of French ancestry but born in Mexico City, was familiar with the United States as her parents always vacationed in the US and owned a house in Texas. Paty had spent one year at a boarding school in Texas to learn English. 

After one year of marriage, Paty went to visit her sister in Texas. When she returned to Mexico, she told Tano they needed to move to the United States. Paty felt like Mexico was getting more and more dangerous, and she was increasingly concerned about kidnappings. She wanted to raise her children in a place where they could feel safe.

The company Tano was working for, the world’s second-largest pork producer had a central office in the USA, and he found out they were hiring. In 2002, the whole family moved to Kansas. He started as a manager, but his goal was to be in upper management. He heard those jobs were only for Americans, but Tano became upper management four years later. Tano is used to defying the odds.

“People have told me my whole life, ‘don’t do it, it is not going to happen.’ I guess I don’t listen.”

While there, he created the company’s international recruitment program, figuring out ways to bring employees from Mexico to work in the US on the NAFTA trade visa. In his last year at the company, Tano facilitated the hiring of 480 Mexicans.

Kansas

Moving to the USA felt like a vacation at first for Tano and Paty. After the first two weeks, when he started working, he thought, “Oh, we aren’t in Kansas anymore – but we are!” Paty was used to having a housekeeper in Mexico.

“I missed having a maid! I didn’t know how to clean, so I learned how to clean here. This is the American dream, I guess?”

Paty was a private school teacher in Mexico, but couldn’t work legally in the US when they first arrived, so she looked after their son, who was four and their daughter, who was two. Tano’s salary wasn’t enough to live on, so Paty started babysitting other children in those first years. 

Paty thinks it is essential for immigrants to adapt quickly to the new culture.

“We moved to a new country, so we have to adapt to the culture. Don’t expect the country you moved to, to adapt to you. Even if you love your culture, don’t get rid of it, but you are in a new country.”

Work

Paty moved from babysitting to being a teacher’s aid and then went back to university. Eventually, in 2017 at the age of 49, she received her US teaching degree. She now has her own fourth-grade class at the local public school.

“The moment I put my foot down in the school, I knew I was back in my element.”

Paty thinks the Hispanic students in her class benefit from having a teacher who is bilingual and bicultural. In the beginning, the white children in her class were difficult – making fun of her accent. Cleverly, she came up with a creative way to prove to them that everyone has an accent, and there is nothing wrong with that. (audio below)

Paty describes Kansas as windy, mountainless, treeless, and weather that is either really cold or really hot. The demographic of the population is different than what Paty expected with many Spanish speakers. The county in which they live is approximately 75% Hispanic, with many being second or third-generation Americans. Most of the people living around them work in the nearby meat processing plants. 

Tano is aware of the difficulties of working in the meat processing industry. When he started his recruitment job, he made a point to go into the plant and see how it all works.

“I don’t know how these people do it. I gained a lot of respect for people doing these kinds of jobs. Ninety percent of the people at the plants are Hispanic.”

Currently, Tano works for a small family-owned pork company with 150 employees. They are antibiotic-free, hormone-free, and targeting the organic market, instead of trying to compete with the big companies. Tano’s job is to develop their business and find producers to raise pigs. He visits farms all over the country, flying over one hundred times a year. Tano has grown to love pigs, emphasizing how smart and clean pigs are. He feels satisfied working for a company that cares about these animals.

“To be honest, working for this company was my opportunity to give back to the pigs. Without these animals, I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t have this house. Now it is more humane, they can move, and are antibiotic, hormone-free. It’s better for the animal.” (audio below)

8

Paty’s health has benefited from being in the United States. There is a familiarity with multiple sclerosis in the US that doesn’t exist in Mexico. She has had access to knowledgeable doctors and a culture that understands her particular situation. 

Still, Paty wishes her children could grow up going to their grandparents every weekend as she did. Not having extended family around them is hard. Ultimately Tano says they are “living the dream” at the moment.

Dreams

They have a beautiful house with a pool and a golf cart outside. His wife, his kids, and he are all healthy. 

“I love what I’m doing, and they pay me for that! I’m like a professional athlete!”

One of Tano’s dreams is to see his kids graduate from college. Their son studies neurological science and is on a running scholarship. Their daughter is going to university on a golf scholarship. Tano predicts that his son is going to be a lawyer and his daughter, a chef. Their dog Rita, who they got at the shelter, continues to be “the princess of the house”.

Tano’s dream for the future is to one day spoil his grandkids, retire, and play lots of golf.  He misses playing football but is happy being a golfer now. He loves the challenge and how it releases stress.

“Everybody plays golf here, and I just love it.”

When asked if he has any advice for young couples, Tano said: 

“Patience and lots of communication. Do not expect any changes. When we get older our defects will be more pronounced. Learn to love the things you don’t like about your partner.” (audio below)

In 2018 after living in the United States for 15 years, they became American citizens, but Tano will always be Mexican.

“I was born Mexican, raised Mexican, and I will die Mexican.”

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh & Janice May. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Luisa’s Immigration Story – Bogotá, Colombia to Miami, Florida

Childhood

Luisa lived in Bogotá until she was eight years old. Her early life consisted of playing outside with the kids from the block and spending time with family. Luisa’s mother taught technical drawing at the university, and her father worked for Coca Cola, opening new plants all around Colombia.

Trip to Disney World

At the time of her parent’s marital separation, her maternal grandmother, as well as aunts and uncles, were already in the US.  In 1998 Luisa’s mom took Luisa, age eight and her younger sister, on a trip to Disney World. They never returned to Colombia.

“My mom was convinced by her family to stay. We came to Florida with one suitcase and stayed after our vacation.”

Luisa has a clear memory of getting off the plane in Orlando, and everything is bigger, fancier, and more luxurious than she had previously experienced.

“My aunt came to pick us up in an old minivan, and in my head, I was like ‘wow she is so rich, and this car is so big and beautiful.’”

Adjusting

Immediately after they arrived, Luisa’s mom, the former university professor, started cleaning homes – just like her aunt and grandmother did when they came to the US. They brought Luisa’s mom along with them to introduce her to the people whose houses they were cleaning, and she started cleaning three homes a day. Luisa’s father wanted to reconcile with his wife, so he came to the US on a tourist visa and ended up staying with them. He learned the basics of being a handyman and starting working as a handyman in America.

Adjusting to life in the US wasn’t easy for Luisa. Other children made fun of Luisa for not speaking English, so she learned fast. Luisa remembers sitting in class doing math equations. While she knew the answer to the problem on the blackboard, she didn’t raise her hand as she didn’t know how to say the answer in English. Trying to communicate with her limited English was not worth the risk of her peers making fun of her. She did, however, feel “so important” when her class wrote letters to Bill Clinton, the president of the United States. (audio below)

Luisa has had many ambitions, like ballet, but her first career ambition was unique.

“On third grade career day, I told my mom that I wanted to go to school as a tourist. She didn’t break it down to me that that’s not a career. She played along with it and dressed me up with a hat and a camera around my neck.” (audio below)

In fifth grade arts and crafts class, Luisa wrote down a collection of adjectives that she wanted to embody, and today it still hangs in her home.

“At the time what I chose to be the big center word was ‘wise’. For a lot of years, I had it taped on my ceiling above my bed. It is actually now so much more meaningful. Now it is a reminder when I come in every day – this is what I want to be, whether I am a business owner, an educator, a sister or a mother. That’s who I am, and I’ve known it since fifth grade without really realizing it.” (audio below)

Undocumented

Before high school, Luisa had never considered that she might be undocumented. When she tried to volunteer, the application asked for her Social Security Number so she asked her parents for it. They told her she didn’t have one.

“My initial reaction was like: ‘Great! Where do I go to get my social security number? Let’s fill that application out!’”

Luisa found out that there was no application or quick solution, and this prevented her from volunteering and from getting an afterschool job. To get to work required that she drives, but because she was undocumented, she couldn’t apply for a driver’s license.

“I felt like I am trying to do all the right things that I’m told I should be doing, and there is this thing keeping me from it that is completely out of my control. It took away my agency, and I felt like my hands were tied. I could no longer control my destiny.” (audio below)

College

Throughout high school, Luisa maintained a 4.0 GPA and was class president. She was the type of student who would typically be going to an Ivy League college. That’s what Luisa intended to do; however, when she found out she would have to apply as an international student due to her status, she was devastated and scared. Luisa feared the colleges reporting her to the authorities (which she realizes was unfounded).

“I felt like I was doing something wrong – living in the shadows – not knowing what to tell who and when.”

If she applied as an international student, she would need to show bank statements proving that her family could pay full tuition – which her family could not demonstrate. She explains how her senior year was particularly tough because she was working towards a life that was not an option. Some schools have gotten better at procedures for undocumented students, but at the time, there was no clear answer. (audio below)

Luisa ended up at Miami Dade Community College, where she had to pay out of state tuition. At least she was going to college and one she could afford. “It took me a while to be proud of the fact that I was starting somewhere.” She didn’t let her status stop her from becoming student body president.  

Luisa’s grandmother – a US citizen – petitioned for Luisa’s mother’s citizenship. She waited 15 years for that petition to be processed. In Luisa’s second year of college, her mother’s file was open for review, and Luisa was finally able to become a permanent resident. She went on to attend Georgetown, where she completed a degree in Political Economy, Education & Justice, and in 2015 she became a citizen.

Ice Cream

Ice cream has always been a part of Luisa’s life. She remembers her father picking her up after dance class and taking her to get a frozen treat. In her senior year in college, Luisa’s sister told her about people using liquid nitrogen to make ice cream. Luisa started exploring YouTube on how to do it, and she eventually convinced a liquid nitrogen company to sell to her. The company may have believed that they were selling to the university and not to Luisa for her personal use. Luisa served her first batch to 150 students out of her dorm room. From this experience, she saw how this endeavor could become a business.

At the time, Luisa had been applying to banking and consulting positions.  When she finally landed a job, they withdrew the offer because she couldn’t get a security clearance as she wasn’t a citizen. Stuck, the idea of creating her own business seemed more appropriate than ever. In 2015, Luisa opened Lulu’s Nitrogen Ice Cream.

Audio: The sounds of Luisa making Nitrogen Ice Cream

Luisa’s mom now works in the kitchen, and together they have developed some unique flavors like Guava Goat Cheese. Growing up in the desert, Luisa loved cheese and guava paste bocadillos. She brought this memory to life by sourcing local guavas and boiling them for nine hours into the topping for the goat cheese ice cream.

Businesswoman

In highschool, Luisa was in the business academy, as well as developing an interest in international relations and non-profit work. Luisa says she didn’t know what she was getting into when opening Lulu’s. Starting a business was an extremely challenging financial decision. Even though Lulu’s is a successful business, there are many months she can’t pay herself.

Luisa grew up to believe that business people are not the nicest. She is trying to be a different kind of business person – putting ethics before profit.

“There has got to be a way to run a business, make money, and be a nice kind person that also cares about other things.” (audio below)

Luisa is intentional in the way she gives her team feedback. She wanted this business to have a positive impact on the surrounding community – and they do sponsor and donate ice cream to causes Luisa believes in.

One of her favorite professors at Georgetown was Mike Ryan, who taught personal finance. He taught her how money is an opportunity, and what matters is how you use that opportunity. This memory sparked in Luisa the desire to start a program at Lulu’s, which teaches her young employees, most of whom are high school students, financial literacy.

“I know in our current education system, we don’t have financial literacy as a staple, and if you don’t get it at home, you are screwed. This is one thing I can do that could change their lives. We have financial experts come in and teach them the basics. The way you manage can help set you up for future success.” (audio below)

Luisa wants to inspire young women to dream about one day opening their own businesses. A lot of young women visit her shop because they read about her story. Luisa always makes sure that they leave knowing that they can do it, whatever it is that they dream of creating. (audio below)

The Colombian community is strong in Miami, but Luisa isn’t particularly involved in it. She’s been back several times to Colombia, but still, she identifies primarily as American.

“I truly identify as American. I love a lot of things about the United States – it’s my identity now.”

Future

In the long-run, Luisa wants to effect positive change in Florida’s education system. In regards to Lulu’s, she’s not sure she wants it to grow anymore saying, “I am really happy with the way it is today and what it does for the team members and our community.” Luisa is personally invested in Miami and thinks it is an exciting place to be right now. She sees so much potential. Even though she may split her time between other locations in the future, she says, 

“I will forever call Miami home.”

*Update: Since the interview, Luisa joined the board of a parent advocacy organization. After attending school board meetings for two years, she decided to run to represent her home district on the school board. Luisa reflects, “Our schools opened many doors for me, and I’m running to ensure that our 350,000 students have the same opportunity to realize their full potential.” You can visit Luisa’s website here.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.