love

Ruth’s Immigration Story – Murehwa, Zimbabwe to Bellevue, Nebraska

by

Childhood

Ruth was born in Murehwa, a small rural town 50 miles northeast of Zimbabwe’s capital Harare.

When Ruth came into this world, her mother was still in high school. Nobody knew her biological mother had been pregnant, so from the start, “Gogo” (Ruth’s grandmother), acted as her mom. 

Gogo loved telling folk tales. A lot of her stories, common in Ruth’s culture, were about animals with superpowers. Gogo’s usual tales revolved around a baboon and a rabbit, and in every story, the rabbit outsmarts the baboon. Each time the story was recounted, the details would change a little bit, and she always took forever to get to the point. 

“In America, kids have fairytale books, but for me, it was through storytelling. They forced you to imagine.” (audio below)

When Ruth thinks back to those early days when her grandmother told stories, she recalls the intensity of the stars in the sky. They didn’t have electricity, but there was fire. She would walk barefoot over the red soil to get water from the stream. It was a life of little routines.

Above: Ruth’s late mother holding her late baby sister, Chido.

Tragedies

Despite the positive memories of her grandmother, Ruth’s life had a tragic beginning. When Ruth was five, her mother died by suicide, and one month after that, Ruth’s only sister died from measles. After these tragedies, Ruth moved around between her mother’s siblings. Gogo tried her best to make sure everyone was friendly to Ruth, as she was often treated more like “the help” than a part of the family.

“I knew that I was so loved by this woman. I’ve had so many twists and turns in my life, but the grounding in my grandmother’s love is why I seem to be able to get through whatever.” (audio below)


Above: Ruth (on the right in red) at her cousin’s birthday. “I was serving them food – often treated like the help – exactly like Cinderella.”

Different

Ruth grew up in a culture with clearly defined gender roles, but she didn’t fit the mold. She remembers hearing from relatives that she must be cursed. 

“I was aware from a very early age that I was different in how I liked to dress. I was such a tomboy. They would try to buy me dresses and skirts – but they would be left untouched. I would wear the same pair of shorts for weeks at a time. Family would visit from the rural areas. They would be there for a week without any idea that I was a girl.” (audio below)

Ruth remembers the deep high school crushes she had on women, but it wasn’t something she would ever admit. There was no representation of the LGBTIQ community in Zimbabwe at the time, so being a lesbian wasn’t something she even knew existed. Her aunt had a gay hairdresser, but nobody labeled him as “gay” – he just “existed.” 

United Kingdom

In the late 1990s, Zimbabwe’s economy was collapsing, and many people were leaving. Ruth wanted to get out too, so two days after writing her high school exams in 1998, she was on a flight to England. Ruth thought it was a great opportunity, but when she arrived, the situation wasn’t as expected. She was essentially going to be doing housework for almost zero pay- they were exploiting her.

At 18, Ruth was young and vulnerable. She didn’t know she could have enrolled in Nursing School since Zimbabwe is a former British colony.

“When people lack information, they struggle when they shouldn’t.”

She managed to leave her “job” and went to work at a furniture shop. Eventually, she started doing “care work” – the common form of employment for Zimbabweans in England. Ruth began to send money back to Zimbabwe. She felt rich, but she didn’t feel accepted. 

Nebraska

Ruth’s aunt connected her to a friend, who had a friend, and this is what brought her to South Omaha, Nebraska in July 1999 – on a visitor’s visa, but she didn’t plan on leaving.

Again things weren’t as she expected. This friend of a friend was a “troubled soul,” with a six-month-old baby that she expected Ruth to look after. Ruth felt stuck. Luckily this woman’s sister came by one day, noticed that Ruth wasn’t in a good place, and took Ruth to enroll in classes to become a Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA).  

If Ruth had known, she would have applied to school right away and switched to an F1 Student Visa, or she could have even applied for asylum. Still, instead, her visitor visa expired, and she became undocumented. 

Ruth explains how living in the shadows wasn’t too complicated back then. She recognizes her privilege, explaining how she believes it would have been a lot harder to live “under the radar” if she was from Central or South America, or couldn’t speak English well. (audio below)

After graduating, Ruth started working as a CNA at a nursing home.

Abuse

At 21, Ruth met the father of her two children. It should have been easy for Ruth to have her status adjusted since she married a US citizen, but he didn’t have a birth certificate, which complicated things. Early on in their relationship, there were signs of emotional and physical abuse, and she regrets staying in the relationship as long as she did. “I was young and naive.” 

Audio: Ruth reading from her memoir about the day her daughter Chido was born – “the happiest day of my life”.

At nursing school, Ruth also developed a crush on a woman in her program, and she told her husband about her attraction to women. It was also the first time she had admitted this to herself. In 2007 Ruth graduated as a registered nurse. Ruth wanted to take her children ages one and three, and leave her marriage, but her husband wasn’t going to let this happen.

“I had no idea it would get as horrible as it did. There is nothing he didn’t try to do. When I look back now, it’s very possible he could have killed me because he wasn’t in his right mind.”

Ruth explains how, since all of this happened, her ex-husband was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder while in prison. She believes he is a different, better, person now.

Deportation

Ruth had a restraining order on her husband, forcing him out of the house. In an attempt to have her deported, he reported Ruth to ICE (The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement). She ended up spending a month in jail away from her children.

“ICE agents showed up with guns and bulletproof vests at six in the morning. Luckily my aunt who had raised me from 10-18 was granted asylum. She was able to take my kids, so they weren’t thrown in foster care.” (audio below)

For the next three years, Ruth was in a different divorce or immigration court every few weeks. They finalized their divorce in 2010, and Ruth was granted sole custody. Because of what went through, Ruth was able to file for VAWA (Violence Against Women Act). The Vermont office approved her case, but the local office denied it. She is still in the process of challenging this denial and will be back in court in 2021. For now, she gets a yearly work permit. 

Her “Plan B” is to file for asylum based on the fact she came out after she left her country and homosexuality is illegal and punishable by jail in Zimbabwe.

“I have an amazing team of lawyers who have followed my story. I try not to worry about it because what will that do? In the meantime, I worry about raising happy kids.”

Ruth had been working in health care for a decade. After being arrested and detained, she no longer had a nursing license or a work permit. 

Cleaner

Ruth’s first girlfriend after her marriage had a family cleaning business. Ruth realized it was something she could do on her own after learning the trade from her girlfriend.

In 2011, Ruth bought a cleaning business starter kit for 20 dollars that helped her advertise online and listed the products she needed. Calls started coming in. Today Ruth’s business cleans for commercial buildings and big art galleries in the city. She also has had up to eight employees working for her.

“What’s most rewarding for me about the cleaning business is the ability to provide an income for other women, especially immigrant women.” 

She loves how the business is flexible, and she makes her hours. She also loves how it keeps her in shape. 

“It’s my gym. I love it. That’s how I get to look how I look, and I’m almost 40 – vacuuming those stairs!” (audio below)

Parenting

The divorce and Ruth’s detention were extremely traumatic for the children. She has taken them to therapy and tries her best to give them consistency and stability at home.

“That’s the thing about being a single parent. I have to be the affectionate one, but I also have to be the one who gives structure. My kids started doing their own laundry in second grade and cooking at ages three and four. I read about other people’s teenagers, and I’m like ‘oh, my God!’ – that’s just not my experience. I think all parents are biased, but Chido and Simba are such amazing kids.” (audio below)

“Not having parents gave me a different perspective. It’s almost as if I parent from the standpoint of if I had had a mother, what would I want my mother to be like for me.”

Ruth is starting to work on a parenting book since what she is doing as a single mom seems to be working.

Chido is named after Ruth’s late sister. She dreams of going to Yale, studying medicine, and becoming a “bilingual neurosurgeon.” She is already working on the bilingual part by studying Spanish at school. Chido never thought of herself as particularly athletic, then she medalled in cross-country. Ruth found out that her biological father was a cross-country champion, so maybe it is in Chido’s genes? Someday Chido would love to set up a foundation to help kids in Zimbabwe and buy a house for her mom. 

“I think my mom is really brave. She inspires me to do a lot of things I wouldn’t have otherwise done.”  (audio below)

Simba’s dream is to go to Duke on a basketball scholarship and play in the NBA.

“I like how you get to work with the team. There is no ‘I’ in ‘Team.’” (audio below)

Ruth says he is just as smart as his sister; he just puts in a little less effort. At home, Simba is the “domestic” one, making coffee or vacuuming. One of his favorite things about his mom is that she takes them traveling. 

Ruth’s other child is Hillary Clinton.

“I come from a culture where pets stay outside – cats are evil. If you have a cat, you are a witch. My kids have always wanted a pet because they don’t come from that culture. One client has a farm and the cats had babies. We fostered some cats, and then we decided to get a permanent cat. That’s how Hillary Clinton became a part of our family.”

Above: Thanksgiving Dinner with Ruth’s extended family at her aunt’s house in Nebraska

Racism

According to Ruth, Omaha, which includes smaller surrounding cities like Bellevue, is racially and socio-economically segregated – the north is black, south is Latino, the west is white, and the white liberals live in Dundee. Ruth explains how this segregation relates directly to how well-funded the school districts are.

“One advantage of being an immigrant is that because things have gone wrong in our country and we want the best for our kids, we don’t ask where the black people are, we just move to where the best schools are. Most black and brown people around here [in Bellevue] are immigrants.”

Because she grew up in a country with a black majority, she feels like sometimes she may experience racism in the US and not even notice it. To Ruth, “the system is invisible.”

“When I get pulled over, I am really nice to the cop, and would never think I am being targeted. I know if I were born here, my thinking would be different. In the end, it is a huge advantage. It is almost like I have blinders on.” (audio below)

Activist

Since she was a young girl, Ruth has had a love of writing – an art that seemed to give birth to her activism.

In 2012 she released her memoir: Freedom of an Illegal Immigrant. Her second book, OUTsider: Crossing Borders. Breaking Rules. Gaining Pride (2014) is a celebration of sexuality. Her most recent book is Indelicate Things: A Collection of Narratives About the Female Body Giving and Receiving Pleasure (2015). Today Ruth’s writing focuses primarily on memoir and erotica. 

Ruth has been using her writing skills to help LGBTIQ people who are living in countries where their safety is at risk. In at least six instances, Ruth helped write the testimonials, for individuals granted asylum.

“I try to be really visible as an LGBTQ African.”

Future

Her children recently got their passports, and Ruth is incredibly excited. They have big travel plans – Canada, South Africa, and beyond. They hope to visit a different place every summer. 

“My future dreams are making sure I am supporting and guiding my kids to be best at whatever it is they want to do – to accomplish their goals. Compared to my life, they have no excuses. They have every privilege I never had. I never want them to see themselves as victims in life. They have to take advantage of the opportunities they have. That’s how you help the world.” (audio below)

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Mike’s Immigration Story – London, the United Kingdom to Norman, Oklahoma

by

Childhood

Mike’s childhood in London wasn’t easy. He grew up in the northwest area of the city in a low-income family that lacked stability.

Above: Mike being held by his mother. Smoking, drinking and doing drugs were commonplace in his house.

Mike still thinks London is the most magnificent city in the world. Smells are a big trigger for childhood memories, like the smell of the tube (underground train) and wet concrete when it rains – earthy yet industrial.

“That, to me, is London – a big concrete and brick city, and it rains all the time.” (audio below)

Mike’s birth was unplanned. As a baby, his parents – who he never really remembers being a ‘couple’ – and his two much older half brothers were at the home. His oldest brother left home at age 16 when Mike was only one year old. “When he had the opportunity to get out, he did,” and in hindsight, Mike respects him for doing so.

Above: Mike with his brother and his brother’s son. “That was my brother being there for me when I needed him to be. The way he has his arm around me brings a tear to my eye. I always knew he would protect me.”

Instability

Mike grew up in a musical household – three or four guitars were always laying around. Mike’s grandfather, Alexis Korner, was a celebrated blues musician. He figures it was the musician’s lifestyle that got his parents into drugs.

“You can’t grow up and hang out with the Rolling Stones and not get into heroin.”

Above: Mike’s mother singing at a show the Rolling Stones headlined in Hyde Park [left] & Mike’s grandfather Alexis Korner [right]

“Essentially, both of my parents spent their lives dealing drugs in one form or another. That’s probably how they met, and that’s why they split up. It dominated most of my young life, but I didn’t know it at the time. Looking back as an adult, I am like, ‘Oh, ya that’s why that happened!’”

When asked what his father did for work, Mike replied, “What hasn’t he done? He repaired trucks, managed tours for the band Motorhead, and most recently he drove a cab.” His father was never in the best of health. 

Above: Mike’s father at a party [left]. The postcard Mike received for his 23rd birthday – “sometimes you want more than a postcard from your dad”.[right]

When Mike was 12, his mom met her boyfriend John. Mike remembers John as “the only person who could ever handle her” and he really looked up to him.

“It was my birthday. I wanted to be Bob Dylan, so he bought me a harmonica and said I could play his guitar anytime I wanted. That’s when I learned that I loved the guy.”

Above: Mike, as a teenager, with two of his best friends.

Mike’s first connections to America were his godmother who lived in Los Angeles, and his best friend in London who was from New York. His first visit to see his godmother was when he was six.

“From the moment I came to the US, I loved it. Getting into my godmother’s late 80s Oldsmobile, hot leather seats, palm trees. I was like, ‘Wow, this is pretty awesome!’ I think I was always meant to come back.”

Above: His mother’s little black book [right], where she kept all of her contacts and news clippings. He cherishes it not because of what is in it, but because it is the only possession he has that was his mother’s.

Loss

Mike’s mother died in 2006 when Mike was only 18 – the toughest thing he has ever gone through.

Mike needed to get out of the house after his mother’s death, but realistically he didn’t have anywhere to go. He had always lacked confidence and motivation and he didn’t expect to get into college. Mike thought it was a mistake when a journalism program in Falmouth, Cornwall, accepted him. After a couple of years of studying rarely, and socializing often, he decided to move back to London, where he got a job as a police community support officer. It was a position designed by the Metropolitan Police in London to bridge the gap between the community and the police.

Above: The thumbnail photo of Caelie Mike saw and clicked on when scrolling through camgirls [right]

Love Online

Mike wasn’t loving the job, he was dealing with depression, and looking for some to connect with. He turned to the internet. One night he was scrolling through “cam model” thumbnails and clicked on a redhead he found attractive.

Caelie, who is from Oklahoma, was living in Portland, Oregon when Mike came across her picture. She started working as a camgirl to put herself through massage school. She was “camming” with a lot of people every day, but as Caelie explains, Mike was different from the other guys.

“He didn’t come in and be like ‘show me your boobs.’ He was more like: What kind of music do you like? Do you have a college degree? Who’s your favorite artist? We started talking more and more in this casual way online. He was engaging, interesting, and kind. I felt like I was being seen and heard, and that was a really new experience for me.” (audio below)

Things between them moved fast – within the first few conversations; it was clear something was there. Mike kept coming back and spending more money to chat with her, and she knew that because of the time difference, he wasn’t sleeping. As Mike remembers,

“I was never looking for love, but it found me. I was just looking for someone to listen to me and make me feel special. The more I got to know, the more I liked her, and the fact that it was reciprocated was even more shocking to me. I was just paying to be there!”

 

Caelie and Mike started writing a lot of letters back and forth. Caelie has always liked to write, feeling like it is a very personal thing to do. 

“That was my way of sharing a part of myself with him and being vulnerable with him. Sometimes the internet feels very impersonal. To have something that someone has touched is special. We had to grasp at straws to create intimacy because of the distance, and writing for me, was a way.”

Mike really wanted to meet Caelie in person. He felt like his job working as a community support officer for the Police in London, was a “dead-end,”  and he was ready for a change.

Above: A selfie they took on Mike’s first visit to Oregon.

Together

When Mike arrived in Portland in 2011, he never had any intention actually to move to the US. They had been talking every day for months, so it was exciting to finally meet Caelie in person. 

“That first time when we first got to share the same space. It was incredible. We already knew, but it confirmed it for us. Everything else is there; now we just need to occupy the same physical space. From that moment there was no question. There were lots of questions from people around us, but we never doubted it.”

Caelie remembers waiting for Mike at the airport in Portland and how intense that first meeting was. She remembers their first hug – it was overwhelming.

“We got out to my car in the parking garage and just sat there and stared at each other for a little while. That was a really good two weeks. We didn’t leave the house as we were just enjoying each other. We both cried when he had to go.” (audio below)

 Above: Tickets from the top of Space Needle in Seattle, where they made the decision to get married.

Mike and Caelie visited each other in person every three months for a while, then Mike came to the US on a fiancé visa in 2012. They tried to do the application without an immigration lawyer, but they hadn’t provided enough evidence of their relationship. After five months of waiting, they got the rejection. The second time they applied, they sent in “more than enough evidence.” 

“Even with Mike being from a western country, white, speaking English- it was hard and expensive. I really feel for people who have more obstacles. We had all the cards stacked for us, and it was still really difficult.”

Molly

Caelie was pregnant within two weeks of Mike’s arrival. Neither of them planned on having kids before, but oddly enough, if they ever had a daughter, they both agreed that they wanted to name her Molly. (audio below)

They had a “shotgun wedding” and got “some looks about it” but they were so in love nothing else mattered. Molly was born in August 2013.

“Molly is smart, sassy, and strong. She is so independent, and it is a huge pain in both of our asses. We wouldn’t want it any other way. She’s a tiny person and reminds me of both my wife and me every day. It’s an honor, and it’s absolutely terrifying, and I don’t want to mess it up.” (audio below)

Despite coming from different backgrounds, Mike says he and Caelie want the same thing for their daughter – to provide her with unconditional love. 

“We want her to have that safety and security of knowing no matter what happens and who you are or the decisions you make, you will be loved. We are your people until the moment that we don’t exist. That was something my mom actually taught me. Her love was never conditional, despite the plethora of crap that was my childhood – I never questioned her love. She made sure I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes, and that I went to school. That’s always been the baseline of what a parent owes a child.” (audio below)

Mike also knows many of the things he experienced growing up – he never wants Molly to encounter. He doesn’t want her to be around drugs or irresponsible adults.

“There is nothing that quite compares to being a kid and realizing that the person you are relying on is not reliable. It shakes things. Despite knowing that my mom loved me there were times when she was screwed up – whether it was drinking, drugs, or bad relationships. Realizing that I didn’t necessarily come first at those times was kind of scary, and I don’t want that for my kid.” 

Oklahoma

When Mike arrived in 2012, they lived at Caelie’s parents’ house. Mike needed to find work to support his pregnant wife. His first job in Oklahoma was as a laborer, laying mortar for a masonry company. After that, he got into selling insurance over the phone. He figures his British accent got him that job. After the call center, he became an associate agent for All-State Insurance. Still, he wanted to try something else.

In 2018, Mike started working as the volunteer coordinator at the Cleveland County ReStore for Habitat for Humanity. This ReStore focuses on taking care of the local community and getting people out of poverty. Volunteers do most of the labor at the store. 

Mike describes Oklahoma as “quintessential midwest,” barely any hills, big plains, buffalo, and waving wheat. They have scorching summers and short cold winters, and dealing with tornadoes is normal. Politically it is a “a very red state, the buckle of the bible belt”, but Norman is a university town, so it is a “very blue bubble in a red state”.

It bothers Mike how the community is polarized as a result of the region’s history.

 “If you are rich and your family’s rich, then you live on that side of town; if not, you are over there.”

In East Norman, where they live, it is more diverse. Mike wants Molly to grow up, “knowing that there are people different than her, and that’s a good thing.”

For a while, Mike and Caelie were thinking about moving. They decided to stay.

“We want to make this place better and take care of what we do have here – a budding and caring community.”

Above: Mike wearing a scarf Caelie knitted and mailed to Mike after they started talking online

Modern Love

Caelie feels like she and Mike have a truly modern love story. Their courting seems unique, but she thinks it may become less unusual as time goes on. Caelie says ‘cam work’ is amazing because it is something that is usually done willingly as a choice. It allowed her to be financially independent and to find love across an ocean.

“I chose to be in it, and I enjoyed the work while I was in it. When I didn’t enjoy it I stopped. It taught me a lot about my fellow humans and what’s normal. It set me up to be open to something.” (audio below)

It is still something Caelie believes should be done carefully- especially the idea of meeting in person with someone you met online.

“Everybody should be cautious online, but you can’t live in complete fear. You have to put yourself out there in order to find love and a life that you want.”

Future

Mike wants to grow old with Caelie in Norman, Oklahoma. 

“Caelie is the glue to who I am as a person. I love her with all my heart.”

He hopes in the future he can look back and say that he had a part in making Norman a better place – “a little more loving, a little more caring”.

“Through my work in the community and also through raising a child that is going to live those ideals, teach other people, and maybe have her own children someday. The best I can do is try and raise a kid who is going to make the world a better place. It’s not a big fancy dream – it’s pretty straight forward.” (audio below)

*Update: Since the interview, Mike became a US citizen and returned to working as an associate agent for All-State. He says his experiences in the non-profit sector have helped him be more focused on improving the local community with the work he does with insurance. Mike’s father passed away in February of 2020.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh & Janice May. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Tano’s Immigration Story – Mexico City, Mexico to Liberal, Kansas

by

Childhood

Tano (Estanislao) was born in Mexico City. His father was a civil engineer, and the family lived in many different parts of Mexico for his work. When Tano was six, the family moved to Venezuela, where they lived for a few years. This new home allowed Tano to meet people from many different parts of the world. Without other relatives closeby, Tano’s bond with his brother grew very strong. Today Tano considers his brother his best friend. 

Their father, Estanislao Sr., was a hard worker and instilled a strong work ethic in Tano and his brother.

“My dad was everything. He was my role model. He always showed me the right thing.”

Every summer Estanislao Sr. had his sons work long days on the family farm. At five in the morning, they would be out watering trees, cutting alfalfa, and feeding the animals. Tano also spent a significant amount of his childhood living with his grandmother in Mexico City. When Tano was eight, he was sent to live with grandma to finish elementary school, and then again when he was accepted to the same all-boys Catholic high school his father attended.

American Football

The first time Tano saw American football was when a game was televised following his cartoons. He remembers thinking he would like to play the sport someday. From an early age, Tano was large compared to most Mexicans, so football seemed like a good sport to try. He started playing defensive end at age 17. 

Tano knew that his father wouldn’t approve, fearing it would interfere with his studies, so for the first two years he didn’t tell him. If his father asked where a particular bruise came from, Tano would say to him that it was from one of the cows. 

When Tano received the rookie of the year award, a local radio station wanted to do an interview. Tano didn’t want his father to find out, so he told him he was going out to study with a friend. Still, his dad found out about the interview and recorded it on a cassette. When Tano came home, he handed him the recording. Tano will never forget the first game his father came to watch, and how he tried to play his best. He remembers his dad telling him after the game, “If all of these players had a real job, Mexico would be different.”’  

His father’s second wife revealed to Tano recently that when a sports magazine featured Tano, his father actually carried that article around and showed it to everybody. It meant a lot to Tano to know that his father was proud, even if he hid it. (audio below)

Meeting Paty

Tano went to a friend’s wedding in Cuernavaca, Mexico. The wedding started at noon, and by midnight he had met his future wife, Paty. The following day the two of them went out and Paty told him that she has multiple sclerosis. He didn’t know what that was, but he said he didn’t have a problem with it.

“When we started dating, she said, ‘you need to go with me to see a specialist, so you know what you are dealing with.’ The specialist was really clear. I was in shock and like, ‘I don’t know if I want to do this.’ We left the doctor’s office and she said ‘let’s go drink coffee’. I said, ‘no, I want to go home,’ and she said, ‘you owe me this.’ I’m glad she said that, or else we wouldn’t be here. We went to drink coffee, started talking about it, and I thought about how if I was sick, I would love someone to give me the opportunity. I cannot picture my life without her.” (audio below)

When Tano proposed to Paty, he was working as a prefect at school. Paty said the answer was “no” unless he got a better job. He started looking, and he found one in the swine business, which was the animal he promised his dad he would never work with. 

Tano spent a lot of time growing up on his grandpa’s farm, about five hours from Mexico City. He had lots of animals, and it was there where Tano first started dreaming of becoming a veterinarian and taking care of animals. Pigs, in particular, were important to the family. Trucks would drive up to the farm to pick up the pigs, and Tano had to help load them. But he will never forget the time a pig bit him – 45 stitches – and the doctor said he would be lucky if he walks again. Luckily he recovered, but he told his dad, “I’m not going to work with pigs ever in my life.”

Tano didn’t know at the time that he would end up studying to become a veterinarian, and his career would involve pigs.

Adoption

After marrying, Tano and Paty decided to adopt. The process in Mexico requires a lot of time, paperwork, and waiting for a phone call. Tano will never forget when Paty called and said, “You are going to be a dad!” Tano loves how his daughter sleeps the same way as Paty. People are often afraid to ask about adoption, but Tano and Paty aren’t shy about it. Their kids have always known they were adopted. (audio below)

Tano and Paty are both very proud of their children. His advice to other couples thinking of adopting:

“They are your own kids, and you need to feel that way. It is not about who is the biological father; it is about who raises the kid. Don’t care about what your relatives will say. It is about what you and your partner feel.”

One thing he has tried hard to teach his children is to finish what you start no matter what. 

“We live in a culture of quitters. If you start, you finish.” (audio below)

United States

Tano grew up thinking the United States is where candies come from and a place where everyone is successful. Paty, who is of French ancestry but born in Mexico City, was familiar with the United States as her parents always vacationed in the US and owned a house in Texas. Paty had spent one year at a boarding school in Texas to learn English. 

After one year of marriage, Paty went to visit her sister in Texas. When she returned to Mexico, she told Tano they needed to move to the United States. Paty felt like Mexico was getting more and more dangerous, and she was increasingly concerned about kidnappings. She wanted to raise her children in a place where they could feel safe.

The company Tano was working for, the world’s second-largest pork producer had a central office in the USA, and he found out they were hiring. In 2002, the whole family moved to Kansas. He started as a manager, but his goal was to be in upper management. He heard those jobs were only for Americans, but Tano became upper management four years later. Tano is used to defying the odds.

“People have told me my whole life, ‘don’t do it, it is not going to happen.’ I guess I don’t listen.”

While there, he created the company’s international recruitment program, figuring out ways to bring employees from Mexico to work in the US on the NAFTA trade visa. In his last year at the company, Tano facilitated the hiring of 480 Mexicans.

Kansas

Moving to the USA felt like a vacation at first for Tano and Paty. After the first two weeks, when he started working, he thought, “Oh, we aren’t in Kansas anymore – but we are!” Paty was used to having a housekeeper in Mexico.

“I missed having a maid! I didn’t know how to clean, so I learned how to clean here. This is the American dream, I guess?”

Paty was a private school teacher in Mexico, but couldn’t work legally in the US when they first arrived, so she looked after their son, who was four and their daughter, who was two. Tano’s salary wasn’t enough to live on, so Paty started babysitting other children in those first years. 

Paty thinks it is essential for immigrants to adapt quickly to the new culture.

“We moved to a new country, so we have to adapt to the culture. Don’t expect the country you moved to, to adapt to you. Even if you love your culture, don’t get rid of it, but you are in a new country.”

Work

Paty moved from babysitting to being a teacher’s aid and then went back to university. Eventually, in 2017 at the age of 49, she received her US teaching degree. She now has her own fourth-grade class at the local public school.

“The moment I put my foot down in the school, I knew I was back in my element.”

Paty thinks the Hispanic students in her class benefit from having a teacher who is bilingual and bicultural. In the beginning, the white children in her class were difficult – making fun of her accent. Cleverly, she came up with a creative way to prove to them that everyone has an accent, and there is nothing wrong with that. (audio below)

Paty describes Kansas as windy, mountainless, treeless, and weather that is either really cold or really hot. The demographic of the population is different than what Paty expected with many Spanish speakers. The county in which they live is approximately 75% Hispanic, with many being second or third-generation Americans. Most of the people living around them work in the nearby meat processing plants. 

Tano is aware of the difficulties of working in the meat processing industry. When he started his recruitment job, he made a point to go into the plant and see how it all works.

“I don’t know how these people do it. I gained a lot of respect for people doing these kinds of jobs. Ninety percent of the people at the plants are Hispanic.”

Currently, Tano works for a small family-owned pork company with 150 employees. They are antibiotic-free, hormone-free, and targeting the organic market, instead of trying to compete with the big companies. Tano’s job is to develop their business and find producers to raise pigs. He visits farms all over the country, flying over one hundred times a year. Tano has grown to love pigs, emphasizing how smart and clean pigs are. He feels satisfied working for a company that cares about these animals.

“To be honest, working for this company was my opportunity to give back to the pigs. Without these animals, I wouldn’t be here and I wouldn’t have this house. Now it is more humane, they can move, and are antibiotic, hormone-free. It’s better for the animal.” (audio below)

8

Paty’s health has benefited from being in the United States. There is a familiarity with multiple sclerosis in the US that doesn’t exist in Mexico. She has had access to knowledgeable doctors and a culture that understands her particular situation. 

Still, Paty wishes her children could grow up going to their grandparents every weekend as she did. Not having extended family around them is hard. Ultimately Tano says they are “living the dream” at the moment.

Dreams

They have a beautiful house with a pool and a golf cart outside. His wife, his kids, and he are all healthy. 

“I love what I’m doing, and they pay me for that! I’m like a professional athlete!”

One of Tano’s dreams is to see his kids graduate from college. Their son studies neurological science and is on a running scholarship. Their daughter is going to university on a golf scholarship. Tano predicts that his son is going to be a lawyer and his daughter, a chef. Their dog Rita, who they got at the shelter, continues to be “the princess of the house”.

Tano’s dream for the future is to one day spoil his grandkids, retire, and play lots of golf.  He misses playing football but is happy being a golfer now. He loves the challenge and how it releases stress.

“Everybody plays golf here, and I just love it.”

When asked if he has any advice for young couples, Tano said: 

“Patience and lots of communication. Do not expect any changes. When we get older our defects will be more pronounced. Learn to love the things you don’t like about your partner.” (audio below)

In 2018 after living in the United States for 15 years, they became American citizens, but Tano will always be Mexican.

“I was born Mexican, raised Mexican, and I will die Mexican.”

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh & Janice May. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Riho’s Immigration Story – Tokyo, Japan to Elk Point, South Dakota

by

Childhood

Riho grew up in a quieter part of Tokyo, riding bicycles, running, hiking, and doesn’t consider herself a “city girl.” 

When Riho was ten years old, her parents divorced. Her mother, who works in landscaping, raised Riho and her two siblings. Before the divorce, she thought her mother was weak, but afterward, she realized how strong her mother is.

“I respect her so much. She is the best mom ever.”

Riho went to university in Japan to study childcare. She had been volunteering at a nursery since she was ten years old, so it made sense to study something with which she was familiar. After graduating from university, instead of working in childcare, she accepted an office job, which she quickly realized she wasn’t going to enjoy. 

English

When her sister went to the United States to study English, Riho’s mom encouraged her to do the same. Riho wanted a change so this seemed like a great opportunity. In 2017 she came to Hawaii to study English at an international language school. She loved how her fellow students were from so many different countries. Riho also loved Hawaii’s warmth, the beaches, shopping malls, and art. She couldn’t believe how many Japanese tourists there were in Hawaii.

Meeting Steven

It was in Hawaii where Riho unexpectedly met her future husband, Steven, who had only been out of the Marines for a couple of years. Steven had returned to Hawaii for a vacation, a place where he was stationed as a Marine. He was looking for people to hang out with while his friends were working and connected with Riho online. Riho was looking for a friend with whom to practice her English skills.

Steven was worried that Riho might hate that he had been in the military and had served in Okinawa, Japan. That wasn’t the case. When they met, Riho felt that there was something special about Steven. Even though she was still struggling with English, she was impressed that he understood her. (audio below)

After that first meeting, they hung out every day until Steven had to return to South Dakota. 

Before Steven left, he told Riho that if she wanted to, he would like to make this relationship work. From that day on, they texted and called each other every day. Two months later, he asked Riho to come to live with him in Elk Point. He told her how there was a University where she could continue her studies in English. Riho asked her mom if she could go.

“My mom was surprised but said, ‘if you want to go, you should go.’ I don’t have regrets. I came here for him.”

South Dakota

Steven tried to warn Riho about how cold it can be in South Dakota compared to Hawaii. But when she arrived on Christmas day 2017, it was snowing, and much colder than she was prepared for. (audio below)

“The first week we just spent inside as I adjusted to the cold. I missed Japanese food so much. Steven only has pizza, chicken, and super American food. I need rice! The first month was super hard for me regarding food. We worked out how to get Japanese food. Now almost every day, I cook Japanese food for him. I get it online.” (audio below)

The closest sushi restaurant is in Sioux Falls, which is about an hour’s drive from Elk Point and the nearest store to buy Asian groceries is two hours away.

Riho continues to study English at a nearby university. There are only two other students in her class: one from Korea and one from China. Elk Point is in South Dakota, but only five minutes from the border of Iowa. Riho describes it as having a big sky, lots of farms, a few houses, lots of cornfields, and is a place where everyone knows each other.

“If a car drives by, everyone says hi.”

Steven describes the area as rolling plains where you can experience four seasons in one day.

“Just about everyone is nice and respectful. Lots of outdoor partying, four wheeling, and fishing. That basically sums it up.”

Steven’s family home is on a corn farm, and he works on another corn farm. 

Marriage

After arriving in South Dakota, they were trying to figure out how Riho could stay in the United States. She thought about going back to Japan, and maybe they could see each other a few times a year. But they didn’t want to be physically apart. The options seemed to be either she finds a job, gets into a school, or they get married. They chose to get married. Steven is a quiet person, and Riho says a lot of his friends didn’t even know they got married. 

Overall she has found the people in South Dakota she has met to be friendly.

“People look at me – ‘oh, she’s Asian! She’s Japanese; it’s so cool!’ Everyone asks me where I am from and how I find South Dakota? It’s not difficult to fit in here.” (audio below)

Steven was worried about what his mother would think of their relationship, but when he told her they were getting married, she was happy for him. His mom picks up Riho in the morning and drives her to the university for her classes.

It is hard for Steven to communicate with Riho’s family. He doesn’t speak Japanese, and they don’t speak English.

“I’m teaching him Japanese, but he only remembers crazy words!”

Typical Day

On a typical day, when Riho isn’t in school, she wakes up Steven at 5:45 in the morning so he can leave for work. She then goes back to sleep and wakes up around ten. She spends much of the day outside in the garden, and feeding and walking the animals. (audio below)

Because she doesn’t have a car, Riho cannot go anywhere, so she spends the rest of her day listening to music, playing with the cats, or playing the piano.

Steven says it feels like they have been together for longer than they have. He’s been a lot busier with her around, which he says isn’t a bad thing. There are many things Steven loves about Riho.

“Her smile, laugh, she doesn’t think about it, but every time I see her makeup on or off, she looks like a princess or queen to me. More beautiful than anyone I’ve seen. She makes my life a lot easier. She keeps me a lot more calm than I used to be.” (audio below)

Future

They haven’t had an actual wedding yet, but are hoping to have one soon. Steven plans on going to university so that he can be a better provider in the future. He is paying off debt and wants to get a new, more reliable car. He jokes how his current car usually has three different parts break every single day. 

They are currently renting a home from Steven’s brother and dream of owning their own home in South Dakota. They are looking forward to getting the “immigration thing” over with, as it has been a strain. After Riho receives her green card, she will be able to get a job. She knows her childcare qualifications won’t be recognized here, and she doesn’t want to study for another degree, so she isn’t sure what she will do. Someday Steven would like to visit Riho’s family in Japan.

“I like being here. Since moving to Hawaii, I haven’t wanted to go back to Japan. Here everyone doesn’t care about time. In Japan, everyone cares about the time. I can’t be in Japan anymore because time is so fast”. (audio below)

*Update: Since the interview, Riho and Steven did have a wedding at the farm, and they moved to Missouri so Steven can study Engineering. Riho is still waiting on her green card.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.