Asian

Dam’s Immigration Story – Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam to Seneca, South Carolina

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Vietnam

One of Dam’s most distinct memories from Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) is riding on a motorbike with his dad to go and get a chocolate treat. Dam’s father was a farmer, and they lived on a plantation, where they had tropical fruits like durians, mangosteens, and pomelos. (audio below)

Dam’s mother was a housewife but worked as a nurse informally in the community. When Dam was only a few years old, his mom and dad divorced.

Dam’s maternal grandfather studied Political Science in Washington DC in the late 1960s. He returned to Vietnam to work for the Vietnamese government. After the Vietnam War, because of his previous political involvement, he was put in jail for five years by the communist government. When Dam’s grandfather finally escaped, he made his way to the United States through Thailand and the Philippines. Once in the US and settled, he sponsored his wife, his daughter (Dam’s mother) and her two boys (Dam and his brother) to come to Maryland in 1992.

Maryland

Dam was five years old when he arrived in the United States. He remembers that first plane ride and saying goodbye to his grandmother. 

“I knew that once we boarded that plane, something would be different.”

It was fall in Montgomery County, Maryland, and extremely cold.

“On the first day of school, I didn’t know an ounce of English, and I wanted to use the restroom. I was looking around, and I didn’t know how to ask. I was trying to tell them in Vietnamese, and no one understood, so I just peed myself right there on the first day. It was embarrassing.” (audio below)

Dam’s first friends in Maryland were the five other students in his ESL (English as a Second Language) class. After arriving in America, his mom did different odd jobs. She was a server at a Vietnamese Pho restaurant for a while; then, she got her nail technician license, a skill she already had learned in Vietnam. With her new husband, whom she had met in the US, she bought a nail salon. Dam’s mother missed Vietnam, but she knew the opportunities were better in America.

“In Vietnam we have a poor country. You work hard, but you cannot make enough money to survive [crying].” (audio below)

Broken

Dam’s mom has a lot of regrets about how things went after moving to the United States. It was her second marriage that she thinks broke her family apart. Dam suffered physical abuse at the hands of his stepfather, and that’s why Dam had to enter the foster care system. Remembering this breaks his mother’s heart.

“He told me every day he cried because he missed me.” (audio below)

From the age of 14 to 21, Dam was in foster care. He attended four different high schools and lived in many group homes and foster homes. After being emancipated at 21, he returned to live with his mom, and they are still working out their issues.

“It was hard. I limited my mom’s visits, ’cause I was upset with her for a while. I’ve been going to therapy.”

Heading South

Dam’s mom never fully adjusted to Maryland’s winters, remarking that “the wind goes through your bones.” She had some friends in South Carolina who kept encouraging her to move south. Dam’s mom couldn’t move though because she needed to be in Maryland to care for her parents. After they passed, she decided to give South Carolina a try. Dam’s mom moved her life to Seneca in 2016.

When she headed south, Dam remained in Maryland, where he was working and studying. Then he had a car accident, which resulted in a herniated disc, and he was dealing with some mental health issues. Dam had no support in Maryland, so he decided to pack everything up and move down to South Carolina to be with his mom. 

Since moving to Seneca, Dam started doing an online university degree, he is helping his mom with her all of the paperwork for her nail salon, and he is working as a sales associate at the Dollar General. He likes working there because he gets to talk to people from all walks of life.

Dam has always found it difficult making friends and has only made a couple so far in South Carolina.

“I have a hard time making friends due to the walls that I put up. It’s hard trusting people for me because of my time in foster care.”

Volunteering

Shortly after moving to Seneca, Dam started volunteering at the local retirement residence.

“I volunteer here because the residents remind me of my grandparents. I like helping the elderly. It’s sad sometimes, how their kids leave them here, but that is why I have come here to cheer them up.”

Dam has developed a special friendship with many of the residents as well as with the volunteer coordinator Jenna, who appreciates Dam’s help and feels like she has known him for years. (audio below)

Jenna says the residents appreciate how spunky and personable Dam is, and his “very caring heart.” Dam decorated the mantle in the common room, and he has gained a reputation for his Gangnam Style dance moves. The home’s morale is elevated by the presence of people like Dam and Jenna. One of the residents remarked:

“We like where we live. If we didn’t, we’d get the hell out of here!” (audio below)

The South

Dam has noticed how things are different than in Maryland. The people in the South are more direct, life moves at a slower pace, and things are cheaper.

“People are nicer here and want to help you out. They have a nice fakeness. People say hi to you here, while in the northern states, they don’t care.”

He has also noticed the different role religion plays in the “bible belt”. Dam grew up Catholic, has tried being a Methodist, and a Baptist, and now he is a part of a non-denominational church.

“A friend downstairs invited me to his church. I went there, and all of a sudden, I felt the holy spirit and got baptized again. I actually felt it, the first time I got baptized I did it for my family, but this time it was for me.” (audio below)

Most people Dam encounters in Seneca – a town of a little over 8000 people – assume he is Spanish-speaking.

“I’ve had people come up to me and speak Spanish. They just assume. ‘Are you Guatemalan or Honduran?’ They think I am everything but Asian.”

Still, Dam stays connected to his Vietnamese roots. For the holidays, he wears this ozai [see the above photo], and he and his mother make Vietnamese food all the time. His specialties are sweet/sour fish soup, and pho, but the ingredients are hard to find since there aren’t any Asian markets nearby.

Nails

Dam’s mom bought a nail salon inside Seneca’s Walmart and Dam does all of her paperwork and taxes since she still struggles with the language.

 “I have been doing nails since I came here to the United States. I learned first in my country. My dad told me to learn how to do nails as it was the fastest way to make money, survive, and be independent.”

Dam’s mom has three sons, and she is proud that her youngest is in the Navy. She was excited to have him home for Thanksgiving.

Mom’s Boyfriend

Dam’s mom has found a new boyfriend named Jerry. Dam says he is her “sugar daddy” because he pays for everything. He also says Jerry looks like Colonel Custer from the Civil War but he would never tell him that.

Jerry is a retired Vietnam Vet and a South Carolina local. He has always felt connected to Vietnam and the Vietnamese people.

“I left Vietnam, but it never left me.”

Jerry would walk over to Walmart every morning just for something to do. He noticed Dam’s mom in her nail salon and pursued her.

 “I was married when I went to Vietnam. When I came back, my wife had three or four boyfriends. I stayed single all these years. I had a massive heart attack, retired and the veteran’s administration takes care of me now. I’m sure grateful for everything. You can see what the attraction was – big big hugs! How can I not come to visit her every day? Looking at her – that’s easy!” (audio below)

Dam’s mom works so hard most days from nine in the morning to nine at night, so it is impossible for her to meet anyone to date. Luckily she met Jerry, who she calls “honey” because he is so sweet

“Dam says he is a ‘sugar daddy’; I said he is a miracle. God sent somebody to help me. ”

Although they have only known each other for months, Jerry says he was looking for her for 50 years. (audio below)

Future

Dam’s mom is still worried about her son’s physical and mental health, knowing that he has been through a lot. Dam found this place up in the mountains in Westminster called Chatuga Bell Farm with a beautiful view that he likes to go to clear his mind and relax.

“As a kid, you have your castle or your treehouse. This is my treehouse – my solitude.” (audio below)

Dam plans to finish his bachelor’s degree online and maybe pursue postgraduate education. Whatever he does, or wherever he is, he wants to help students. Meanwhile, he is helping his mom with the bills and the paperwork for her nail salon.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love (and passion). If you would like to support the project’s continuation it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Riho’s Immigration Story – Tokyo, Japan to Elk Point, South Dakota

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Childhood

Riho grew up in a quieter part of Tokyo, riding bicycles, running, hiking, and doesn’t consider herself a “city girl.” 

When Riho was ten years old, her parents divorced. Her mother, who works in landscaping, raised Riho and her two siblings. Before the divorce, she thought her mother was weak, but afterward, she realized how strong her mother is.

“I respect her so much. She is the best mom ever.”

Riho went to university in Japan to study childcare. She had been volunteering at a nursery since she was ten years old, so it made sense to study something with which she was familiar. After graduating from university, instead of working in childcare, she accepted an office job, which she quickly realized she wasn’t going to enjoy. 

English

When her sister went to the United States to study English, Riho’s mom encouraged her to do the same. Riho wanted a change so this seemed like a great opportunity. In 2017 she came to Hawaii to study English at an international language school. She loved how her fellow students were from so many different countries. Riho also loved Hawaii’s warmth, the beaches, shopping malls, and art. She couldn’t believe how many Japanese tourists there were in Hawaii.

Meeting Steven

It was in Hawaii where Riho unexpectedly met her future husband, Steven, who had only been out of the Marines for a couple of years. Steven had returned to Hawaii for a vacation, a place where he was stationed as a Marine. He was looking for people to hang out with while his friends were working and connected with Riho online. Riho was looking for a friend with whom to practice her English skills.

Steven was worried that Riho might hate that he had been in the military and had served in Okinawa, Japan. That wasn’t the case. When they met, Riho felt that there was something special about Steven. Even though she was still struggling with English, she was impressed that he understood her. (audio below)

After that first meeting, they hung out every day until Steven had to return to South Dakota. 

Before Steven left, he told Riho that if she wanted to, he would like to make this relationship work. From that day on, they texted and called each other every day. Two months later, he asked Riho to come to live with him in Elk Point. He told her how there was a University where she could continue her studies in English. Riho asked her mom if she could go.

“My mom was surprised but said, ‘if you want to go, you should go.’ I don’t have regrets. I came here for him.”

South Dakota

Steven tried to warn Riho about how cold it can be in South Dakota compared to Hawaii. But when she arrived on Christmas day 2017, it was snowing, and much colder than she was prepared for. (audio below)

“The first week we just spent inside as I adjusted to the cold. I missed Japanese food so much. Steven only has pizza, chicken, and super American food. I need rice! The first month was super hard for me regarding food. We worked out how to get Japanese food. Now almost every day, I cook Japanese food for him. I get it online.” (audio below)

The closest sushi restaurant is in Sioux Falls, which is about an hour’s drive from Elk Point and the nearest store to buy Asian groceries is two hours away.

Riho continues to study English at a nearby university. There are only two other students in her class: one from Korea and one from China. Elk Point is in South Dakota, but only five minutes from the border of Iowa. Riho describes it as having a big sky, lots of farms, a few houses, lots of cornfields, and is a place where everyone knows each other.

“If a car drives by, everyone says hi.”

Steven describes the area as rolling plains where you can experience four seasons in one day.

“Just about everyone is nice and respectful. Lots of outdoor partying, four wheeling, and fishing. That basically sums it up.”

Steven’s family home is on a corn farm, and he works on another corn farm. 

Marriage

After arriving in South Dakota, they were trying to figure out how Riho could stay in the United States. She thought about going back to Japan, and maybe they could see each other a few times a year. But they didn’t want to be physically apart. The options seemed to be either she finds a job, gets into a school, or they get married. They chose to get married. Steven is a quiet person, and Riho says a lot of his friends didn’t even know they got married. 

Overall she has found the people in South Dakota she has met to be friendly.

“People look at me – ‘oh, she’s Asian! She’s Japanese; it’s so cool!’ Everyone asks me where I am from and how I find South Dakota? It’s not difficult to fit in here.” (audio below)

Steven was worried about what his mother would think of their relationship, but when he told her they were getting married, she was happy for him. His mom picks up Riho in the morning and drives her to the university for her classes.

It is hard for Steven to communicate with Riho’s family. He doesn’t speak Japanese, and they don’t speak English.

“I’m teaching him Japanese, but he only remembers crazy words!”

Typical Day

On a typical day, when Riho isn’t in school, she wakes up Steven at 5:45 in the morning so he can leave for work. She then goes back to sleep and wakes up around ten. She spends much of the day outside in the garden, and feeding and walking the animals. (audio below)

Because she doesn’t have a car, Riho cannot go anywhere, so she spends the rest of her day listening to music, playing with the cats, or playing the piano.

Steven says it feels like they have been together for longer than they have. He’s been a lot busier with her around, which he says isn’t a bad thing. There are many things Steven loves about Riho.

“Her smile, laugh, she doesn’t think about it, but every time I see her makeup on or off, she looks like a princess or queen to me. More beautiful than anyone I’ve seen. She makes my life a lot easier. She keeps me a lot more calm than I used to be.” (audio below)

Future

They haven’t had an actual wedding yet, but are hoping to have one soon. Steven plans on going to university so that he can be a better provider in the future. He is paying off debt and wants to get a new, more reliable car. He jokes how his current car usually has three different parts break every single day. 

They are currently renting a home from Steven’s brother and dream of owning their own home in South Dakota. They are looking forward to getting the “immigration thing” over with, as it has been a strain. After Riho receives her green card, she will be able to get a job. She knows her childcare qualifications won’t be recognized here, and she doesn’t want to study for another degree, so she isn’t sure what she will do. Someday Steven would like to visit Riho’s family in Japan.

“I like being here. Since moving to Hawaii, I haven’t wanted to go back to Japan. Here everyone doesn’t care about time. In Japan, everyone cares about the time. I can’t be in Japan anymore because time is so fast”. (audio below)

*Update: Since the interview, Riho and Steven did have a wedding at the farm, and they moved to Missouri so Steven can study Engineering. Riho is still waiting on her green card.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.