Maryland

Dam’s Immigration Story – Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam to Seneca, South Carolina

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Vietnam

One of Dam’s most distinct memories from Saigon (Ho Chi Minh City) is riding on a motorbike with his dad to go and get a chocolate treat. Dam’s father was a farmer, and they lived on a plantation, where they had tropical fruits like durians, mangosteens, and pomelos. (audio below)

Dam’s mother was a housewife but worked as a nurse informally in the community. When Dam was only a few years old, his mom and dad divorced.

Dam’s maternal grandfather studied Political Science in Washington DC in the late 1960s. He returned to Vietnam to work for the Vietnamese government. After the Vietnam War, because of his previous political involvement, he was put in jail for five years by the communist government. When Dam’s grandfather finally escaped, he made his way to the United States through Thailand and the Philippines. Once in the US and settled, he sponsored his wife, his daughter (Dam’s mother) and her two boys (Dam and his brother) to come to Maryland in 1992.

Maryland

Dam was five years old when he arrived in the United States. He remembers that first plane ride and saying goodbye to his grandmother. 

“I knew that once we boarded that plane, something would be different.”

It was fall in Montgomery County, Maryland, and extremely cold.

“On the first day of school, I didn’t know an ounce of English, and I wanted to use the restroom. I was looking around, and I didn’t know how to ask. I was trying to tell them in Vietnamese, and no one understood, so I just peed myself right there on the first day. It was embarrassing.” (audio below)

Dam’s first friends in Maryland were the five other students in his ESL (English as a Second Language) class. After arriving in America, his mom did different odd jobs. She was a server at a Vietnamese Pho restaurant for a while; then, she got her nail technician license, a skill she already had learned in Vietnam. With her new husband, whom she had met in the US, she bought a nail salon. Dam’s mother missed Vietnam, but she knew the opportunities were better in America.

“In Vietnam we have a poor country. You work hard, but you cannot make enough money to survive [crying].” (audio below)

Broken

Dam’s mom has a lot of regrets about how things went after moving to the United States. It was her second marriage that she thinks broke her family apart. Dam suffered physical abuse at the hands of his stepfather, and that’s why Dam had to enter the foster care system. Remembering this breaks his mother’s heart.

“He told me every day he cried because he missed me.” (audio below)

From the age of 14 to 21, Dam was in foster care. He attended four different high schools and lived in many group homes and foster homes. After being emancipated at 21, he returned to live with his mom, and they are still working out their issues.

“It was hard. I limited my mom’s visits, ’cause I was upset with her for a while. I’ve been going to therapy.”

Heading South

Dam’s mom never fully adjusted to Maryland’s winters, remarking that “the wind goes through your bones.” She had some friends in South Carolina who kept encouraging her to move south. Dam’s mom couldn’t move though because she needed to be in Maryland to care for her parents. After they passed, she decided to give South Carolina a try. Dam’s mom moved her life to Seneca in 2016.

When she headed south, Dam remained in Maryland, where he was working and studying. Then he had a car accident, which resulted in a herniated disc, and he was dealing with some mental health issues. Dam had no support in Maryland, so he decided to pack everything up and move down to South Carolina to be with his mom. 

Since moving to Seneca, Dam started doing an online university degree, he is helping his mom with her all of the paperwork for her nail salon, and he is working as a sales associate at the Dollar General. He likes working there because he gets to talk to people from all walks of life.

Dam has always found it difficult making friends and has only made a couple so far in South Carolina.

“I have a hard time making friends due to the walls that I put up. It’s hard trusting people for me because of my time in foster care.”

Volunteering

Shortly after moving to Seneca, Dam started volunteering at the local retirement residence.

“I volunteer here because the residents remind me of my grandparents. I like helping the elderly. It’s sad sometimes, how their kids leave them here, but that is why I have come here to cheer them up.”

Dam has developed a special friendship with many of the residents as well as with the volunteer coordinator Jenna, who appreciates Dam’s help and feels like she has known him for years. (audio below)

Jenna says the residents appreciate how spunky and personable Dam is, and his “very caring heart.” Dam decorated the mantle in the common room, and he has gained a reputation for his Gangnam Style dance moves. The home’s morale is elevated by the presence of people like Dam and Jenna. One of the residents remarked:

“We like where we live. If we didn’t, we’d get the hell out of here!” (audio below)

The South

Dam has noticed how things are different than in Maryland. The people in the South are more direct, life moves at a slower pace, and things are cheaper.

“People are nicer here and want to help you out. They have a nice fakeness. People say hi to you here, while in the northern states, they don’t care.”

He has also noticed the different role religion plays in the “bible belt”. Dam grew up Catholic, has tried being a Methodist, and a Baptist, and now he is a part of a non-denominational church.

“A friend downstairs invited me to his church. I went there, and all of a sudden, I felt the holy spirit and got baptized again. I actually felt it, the first time I got baptized I did it for my family, but this time it was for me.” (audio below)

Most people Dam encounters in Seneca – a town of a little over 8000 people – assume he is Spanish-speaking.

“I’ve had people come up to me and speak Spanish. They just assume. ‘Are you Guatemalan or Honduran?’ They think I am everything but Asian.”

Still, Dam stays connected to his Vietnamese roots. For the holidays, he wears this ozai [see the above photo], and he and his mother make Vietnamese food all the time. His specialties are sweet/sour fish soup, and pho, but the ingredients are hard to find since there aren’t any Asian markets nearby.

Nails

Dam’s mom bought a nail salon inside Seneca’s Walmart and Dam does all of her paperwork and taxes since she still struggles with the language.

 “I have been doing nails since I came here to the United States. I learned first in my country. My dad told me to learn how to do nails as it was the fastest way to make money, survive, and be independent.”

Dam’s mom has three sons, and she is proud that her youngest is in the Navy. She was excited to have him home for Thanksgiving.

Mom’s Boyfriend

Dam’s mom has found a new boyfriend named Jerry. Dam says he is her “sugar daddy” because he pays for everything. He also says Jerry looks like Colonel Custer from the Civil War but he would never tell him that.

Jerry is a retired Vietnam Vet and a South Carolina local. He has always felt connected to Vietnam and the Vietnamese people.

“I left Vietnam, but it never left me.”

Jerry would walk over to Walmart every morning just for something to do. He noticed Dam’s mom in her nail salon and pursued her.

 “I was married when I went to Vietnam. When I came back, my wife had three or four boyfriends. I stayed single all these years. I had a massive heart attack, retired and the veteran’s administration takes care of me now. I’m sure grateful for everything. You can see what the attraction was – big big hugs! How can I not come to visit her every day? Looking at her – that’s easy!” (audio below)

Dam’s mom works so hard most days from nine in the morning to nine at night, so it is impossible for her to meet anyone to date. Luckily she met Jerry, who she calls “honey” because he is so sweet

“Dam says he is a ‘sugar daddy’; I said he is a miracle. God sent somebody to help me. ”

Although they have only known each other for months, Jerry says he was looking for her for 50 years. (audio below)

Future

Dam’s mom is still worried about her son’s physical and mental health, knowing that he has been through a lot. Dam found this place up in the mountains in Westminster called Chatuga Bell Farm with a beautiful view that he likes to go to clear his mind and relax.

“As a kid, you have your castle or your treehouse. This is my treehouse – my solitude.” (audio below)

Dam plans to finish his bachelor’s degree online and maybe pursue postgraduate education. Whatever he does, or wherever he is, he wants to help students. Meanwhile, he is helping his mom with the bills and the paperwork for her nail salon.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love (and passion). If you would like to support the project’s continuation it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Nusrat’s Immigration Story – Karbala, Iraq to Silver Spring, Maryland

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Family History

Nusrat’s parents were cousins with roots in Iran, her father born in India and her mother in Iraq. After they met, Nusrat’s father wanted her mother to return with him to India, where he was working, but she didn’t want to go. He left for India without her, and she remained in Iraq, pregnant with Nusrat. Nusrat’s parents decided to see each other again when she was five. This reunion required a sea journey of ten days and nights, from the small city of Karbala, Iraq to the big city of Bombay (now Mumbai), India. 

Nusrat never forgot her father’s graceful manner.

“Everybody loved him. Father always used to take my advice. It was me he used to consult. I was 16 years old when he bought a new house, and he asked me if it was a good idea. My mother didn’t like that.”

India

Nusrat lived for four years in Bombay, which was very different than life in Iraq, but she liked it. She especially loved the delicious Indian food their cook made.

“India has unbelievable art and food. It’s very rich. I don’t know why some people would call it the poorest country in the world?”

While Nusrat liked living in India, her mother did not. They visited Iran every summer, and every time it was harder and harder for her mother to return to India. She couldn’t adjust to the structured lifestyle full of expectations from relatives in India. Eventually, when Nusrat was nine, they moved to Tehran, Iran, and lived there for two decades.

Education

Nusrat’s ambition was always to go to college. In Iran at this time, 100,000 students took this intense exam, and only 4000 would be accepted. Luckily, Nusrat was one of the chosen few, and she started studying to be a history teacher. After graduation, the government would assign where you would teach, and this was a problem for her parents. They didn’t want their daughter going alone somewhere to teach. Her father gave her two choices: either work at the National Iran Oil company as he did or go to London, in the United Kingdom to further her studies.

 “I went to London to study computers. That was my first time being separated from my mother and father.”

In 1974, Nusrat completed her degree in computers. Upon her return, she began working as an advanced computer consultant for the Iranian military in Tehran, digitizing their payroll. There weren’t many people in Iran who understood IBM computers as she did.

Meeting her Husband

While working in Tehran, the government paired her with a contractor from the US Marines. They chose Nusrat to train the American as she could speak English. 

Her American counterpart, from Takoma Park, Maryland, invited her to go with him to the Caspian Sea on holiday. Nusrat needed her parents’ permission, so he had to ask her father first. When her parents met this American man, they “fell in love with him,” something Nusrat didn’t expect from her conservative Muslim family. He tried to learn Farsi to speak with them, and he converted to Islam. However, for Nusrat, the relationship was becoming toxic. Still, they married and continued living in Tehran for a few years. 

Yvonne

Her first trip to the US was to give birth to her daughter Yvonne. Nusrat’s husband wanted his children to be born in America.

“It was Dec 26th, 1976 – snow was everywhere. The airplane landed at Ronald Reagan Airport, and it was beautiful. I was anxious to see his mother. As soon as she saw me, she said, ‘she’s colored. Send her back’! From that point on, it was an odd situation.” (audio below)

Nusrat’s daughter Yvonne [on left in the above photo] was born with twelve toes. Nusrat’s husband blamed her for this abnormality, saying it was because her parents were cousins. As Yvonne remembers,

“Father beat the hell out of my mother. He wasn’t even there when I was born, but when he saw her for the first time after I was born, he beat her up. He believed that she had given birth to a retarded child.”

Revolution

Nusrat returned to Iran after giving birth to her daughter. It was clear that things were changing in the country – the Iranian Revolution was brewing. In 1979 they fled to the US as part of a mass exodus of Americans.

“We were the last American people working over there. They took us with a Pan-American company airplane. Rushed us with military honor from a military station to the airport for protection. We got to Switzerland, turned on the TV, and saw that the government of the Shah had been disposed of, and the Ayatollah restored.” (audio below)

Maryland

Nusrat and her husband bought a house in Takoma Park, Maryland, where they would live for a decade.

“Takoma Park was a safe haven for interracial couples to live. It has always been a place that welcomes diversity.”

However, the emotional and physical violence from Nusrat’s husband didn’t stop once they were living in the US.

Yvonne remembers,

“It wasn’t easy for her being an immigrant here, and navigating the court system. My father would beat my mother up, the police would come, they would tell my father, ‘I’m sorry for bothering you.’ She called – they could see bruises on her face! That’s why she turned to religion for support. It was very hard to be a child and watch my mother done very wrong by my father trying to navigate a system that was not made for her. It was created for her to fail.” (audio below)

Furthermore, Nusrat’s mother-in-law would call her “nigger” at every opportunity and would feed her pork on purpose.

Above: “A History of Civilization” by William Duran translated from English to Farsi. Nusrat’s father mailed the set to her – three books at a time.

Despite the abuse, Nusrat never told her parents back in Iran that things were anything but perfect.

 “I never said a word to my mother or father. I never told anybody.” (audio below)

Homeless

When Nusrat finally got divorced, it left her and her three children homeless for nine months. They bounced from hotel, to motel, to the homes of people from the mosque.

All of this trauma made it very hard for Nusrat to be there for her children. When Yvonne was in tenth grade, her highschool English teacher adopted her.

Faith

After her divorce, Nusrat started getting more involved with the other Muslim women in her community. She met a woman from Guyana who asked her to teach the Quran. More and more people wanted her to teach them about Islam. For two decades, Nusrat taught at and hosted religious gatherings in her home. She would set up the prayer rug and have a Qur’anic study circle where they would pray and eat.

Audio: Nusrat reading a Sura regarding the five pillars of Islam

“When my mother got this house in Silver Spring, she wanted to devote it to God. I didn’t appreciate it when I was younger, but now I appreciate her commitment to something constructive.”

Community Leader

People from different Muslim communities around Maryland started asking Nusrat to perform marriage ceremonies and the Janazah funeral prayer. She would go through her grandfather’s books, trying to learn the best ways to perform these ceremonies. (audio below)

The first wedding Nusrat conducted was for the daughter of a friend. The bride’s father was Muslim, and her mother was Catholic. The father wanted the ceremony to have an Islamic component, so Nusrat performed the rituals in the church after the priest performed the Catholic tradition.

“I read this Ayah when I read verses of the Quran for marriage. ‘God created man and woman and put mercy and love between their hearts.’” (audio below)

Imam?

Nusrat never thought she would do all of the things she has done, specifically within Islam. While Nusrat didn’t call herself an Imam, Yvonne says that is essentially what she became.

“There have been some female Imams who have wanted to lead the Friday prayer and take on roles men have in Islam. My mother never wanted to be in that role. She has laid very low. I think that her story is compelling and there is a lot to learn from it in this day and age – politically, and culturally. It can open up a lot of people’s eyes about women in Islam. My mother would not be able to be an Imam in Iran. That happened here in this country and that’s pretty cool.” (audio below)

The Future

Nusrat lives with her daughter Yvonne and her two granddaughters who love to joke around and fill their home with youthful energy.

Audio: Nusrat’s granddaughters having fun with the recording equipment

“My hopes and my dreams – I have nothing left. I hope to help raise my grandchildren to become good people. I tried very hard for the Muslim community’s children.” (audio below)

Above: Photos (left to right) of Nusrat’s graduation, her son who served in Afghanistan, and her grandchildren

“I did a lot for Islam, but my intention was never to become anybody – I just went through whatever it was that was in my way. I intend to help raise my grandchildren with what I was taught, but also prepare them for how they need to be over here in America today, not 100 years ago.”

As Yvonne says,

“I was thinking about the American dream. What does that mean to me and my mother? People come here to America for a better life. Is it unpatriotic if you come here and you don’t have a better life? That your life is shittier? Does that mean you are ungrateful?” (audio below)

Sacrifice

Nusrat was happier in Iran than she has been in the United States. Yvonne understands the sacrifices her mother made.

“She was fine in her country and she didn’t have dreams or aspirations to come to America. She left what she knew to face beatings and discrimination. I hope that before she leaves the earth, she does feel that coming here for me was worth it.” (audio below)

*Update: Nusrat died on January 4th, 2019. On May 11th, 2019, after more than a decade of work, Yvonne finally finished writing her novel “Crying Girl”,  which chronicles her mother’s incredible life.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.