nurse

Dhamarys’s Immigration Story – Luperon, the Dominican Republic to Providence, Rhode Island

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Dhamarys’s father came to the United States in 1981. He had been married before, and his daughter from his previous marriage helped him get a green card. He didn’t like the United States and ended up returning to the Dominican Republic in 1983. Dhamarys’s father has a total of 11 children, and four of them were with his second wife, Dhamarys’s mother.

Childhood

Dhamarys was born in Luperon, and when she was three months old, they moved to the capital, Santo Domingo. She had a happy childhood – one where “everybody in the neighborhood was like family.” She remembers how at Christmas time, they would cut the leaves off palm trees to make walls and close the street down to have a giant dance party. 

Above: Dhamarys [on the left] in the DR with her mother, three siblings and three cousins

United States

Dhamarys grew up dreaming of going to the United States, specifically New York. 

“Everybody wanted to go to New York. It was called New York, not the United States!” 

Dhamarys’s father always said he would never return to the US, but eventually, her mom convinced him otherwise and he left for New York City in 1984. He worked nonstop and it took three years before he completed the immigration process for Dhamarys’s mother and their four children. In 1987, when she was 19, Dhamarys, her mother, and her three younger siblings, all moved to the US. It wasn’t an ideal time. She was leaving her dog and a fiancé behind in the Dominican Republic. She was supposed to return for her marriage after three months, but that never happened. (audio below)

Above: Dhamarys’s Dominican voter ID photo, age 18

When her father was in the US without the rest of the family, he was working at New York City’s Four Seasons Hotel, working as a dishwasher. Before they joined him in the US, he decided that he didn’t want his children to grow up in NYC. Another dishwasher told Dhamarys’s father of a cousin in Rhode Island who could help the family get set up there. Her father trusted this man, so he rented a U-haul, bought a map, and the family headed for Providence, Rhode Island. The dishwasher’s connection had left keys in the apartment mailbox. They arrived and unpacked everything into the one-bedroom apartment. Dhamarys remembers it being so cold. 

“We knew we had to stick together to survive.”

Survival

The next day at eight in the morning, someone knocked on their door. It was a tall man who was speaking English rapidly, and the family couldn’t understand what he was saying. He left and came back two hours later with a police officer who spoke Spanish. 

“You have 24 hours to leave this apartment.” 

Their connection, who said they could stay there, was himself a renter, and the lease was only for a single occupant. The tall man at the door who spoke English was the actual owner. Desperate, they found another apartment in “the worst part of Providence.” The tenants in the first-floor apartments were drug dealers, and their third-floor apartment was undergoing renovations. There was no furniture, no kitchen, and no heat – they had a mattress on the floor, and they managed to get a little space heater. After a few weeks, the renovations finished, and they started getting settled.

Within two weeks of arriving in Rhode Island, Dhamarys, her parents, and 14-year-old brother Raul started working. They would walk three miles every day to work in the same electronics factory assembling computer parts. Dhamarys’s younger siblings: Luisa, ten, and Nathalie, eight, started school. She was amazed at how quickly they picked up English. 

“I was jealous as I couldn’t go to school. I just had to work to help my family.”

She will never forget the day her mother asked her to leave the factory at lunch to buy eggs. She tried to ask the man at the supermarket for “huevos”, but he didn’t understand her. Next, she tried making chicken sounds, but he thought she wanted to buy a whole chicken! One of her coworkers happened to have been at the supermarket and overheard everything. Dhamarys finally got the eggs, and by the time she got back, her coworkers at the factory were all laughing and clucking like chickens. (audio below)

Nursing

Her father never stopped reminding Dhamarys that she needed to go back to school. Eventually, she left the factory, started working at a gas station, and enrolled in classes to become a nursing assistant.

There was one woman who always came to the gas station to buy cigarettes. Dhamarys kept noticing her badge and eventually found out she worked at the Women & Infants Hospital. She told the woman that one day she is going to be a nurse there too. Dhamarys signed up for CNA (certified nurses assistant) classes, passed, and got her license in 1992. She worked first at a nursing home, then applied, and just like she told that woman in the gas station, Dhamarys started working at the hospital in 1994. She felt so proud walking into that same gas station wearing her badge. (audio below)

In 2008 Dhmarys graduated from nursing school with an associate’s degree, and in 2014 she went back to get her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at the University of Rhode Island. Dhamarys couldn’t have done it without the Women & Infants Hospital financially supporting her degree. Dhamarys only took one class at a time because she was working forty-hour weeks, but in 2017 she graduated as a Registered Nurse.

While earning her nursing degree, Dhamarys had the opportunity to substitute a class for a trip to help people in Haiti [see the photo above]. As a nursing student in 2015, she went to remote places to provide free healthcare to communities in need. Dhamarys has continued going to volunteer in the Dominican Republic. Even though now it costs her money to volunteer, she thinks it’s worth it. 

“They take you to the poor, poor places, and it is so rewarding. They appreciate it so much. Every year I put signs in the Women & Infants Hospital and collect stuff like medicine. I love to go. It’s very rewarding to give back to your country.”

Not only is Dhamarys working as a nurse at the hospital, but in 2017 she picked up a part-time job at the airport. She has always loved to travel, but could never afford it. Now she can fly for free. When she went for the interview, they asked her why she would want a job inspecting food carts, when she is already working as a nurse. Her response was, “Because I want to fly. I’m not gonna lie to you!”

Above: Dhamarys standing on Broad Street with the street lines painted like the flag of the Dominican Republic

Rhode Island

Dhamarys loves Rhode Island. She loves the people, the beautiful Atlantic Ocean, and the superb seafood. 

“It may be the smallest state, but there is a lot to do here. Any culture you can think of, we have it here. I don’t think I will ever move out of Rhode Island.” (audio below)

Most of Dhamarys’s friends in the US are Dominicans. There is a street in Providence called Broad Street that is like a “little Dominican Republic”. According to Dhamarys, it’s where you can find some of the best Dominican food in the United States. She doesn’t follow politics in the DR, but says, “culture-wise I follow the Dominicans.”

Above: Dhamarys at the Juan Pablo Duarte (Founding Father of the Dominican Republic) memorial in Roger Williams Park, Providence

Language

Dhamarys’s language ability and her accent is something she is very conscious of all the time. Studying in English has always been extremely hard for her. 

“Something that you can read one time and understand, I have to read five times.”

Dhamarys finds it hard to pronounce many English words and says she appreciates it when people correct her pronunciation. She has never experienced discrimination because of her accent, but it still makes her self-conscious. 

“I have a very strong accent. I worry about it all the time. That’s why I don’t like to speak. I always feel very uncomfortable.”

In order to complete her Nursing degree, Dhamarys had to take a communication class and give a presentation. Nothing makes her more nervous than public speaking. 

“One of the girls in class says, ‘take an Ativan.’ I said, ‘oh, would that make me calm down?’, and she said ‘yes’ and gave it to me. Let me tell you; my accent wasn’t the problem; the problem was I couldn’t speak!” (audio below)

Above: Dhamarys’s daughter at her first communion [left] and Dhamary’s son at work as a sheriff patrol officer in Florida [right]

Parenting

Dhamarys’s entire family lives in the United States now. She has two children. Her son is a sheriff patrol officer in Florida and her daughter just started high school in Rhode Island and hopes to be a nurse anesthesiologist.

When Dhamarys’s son comes home to visit, they go out to the club together with all of his friends.

“My son always says, ‘my friends are asking for you,’ and I say, ‘That’s because I’m young, baby!’” (audio below)

Dhamarys has her daughter every other week. When she does, her parents pick her up from school each day, then Dhamarys joins them after work for dinner. Dhamarys jokes that the kitchen in her house “is just for decoration.” Dhamarys tries to include her parents in everything she does. She recently took them on a surprise cruise and they all had a blast. 

“My parents are so good to me. I am the oldest, and I feel like I am the favorite.”

When she has free time on the weekends, Dhamarys loves to dance the Bachata. (audio below)

Future

Dhamarys’ dream is to retire at 59 and travel. The only problem with this plan is that she loves her job at the hospital, so she’s not sure how she could give it up. No matter what happens in the future, Dhamarys continues to have a joy for life that is infectious. 

“I try to be positive. Everything is difficult in life, but if you have a negative mind, it is more difficult. I feel that people are more willing to help you if you don’t complain about things. It has worked for me.” (audio below)

*Update: Since the interview, Dhamarys started selling real estate, and in 2019 she was awarded the “Hospital Hero” at Women and Infants Hospital.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes have been edited for clarity and brevity.

Ruth’s Immigration Story – Murehwa, Zimbabwe to Bellevue, Nebraska

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Childhood

Ruth was born in Murehwa, a small rural town 50 miles northeast of Zimbabwe’s capital Harare.

When Ruth came into this world, her mother was still in high school. Nobody knew her biological mother had been pregnant, so from the start, “Gogo” (Ruth’s grandmother), acted as her mom. 

Gogo loved telling folk tales. A lot of her stories, common in Ruth’s culture, were about animals with superpowers. Gogo’s usual tales revolved around a baboon and a rabbit, and in every story, the rabbit outsmarts the baboon. Each time the story was recounted, the details would change a little bit, and she always took forever to get to the point. 

“In America, kids have fairytale books, but for me, it was through storytelling. They forced you to imagine.” (audio below)

When Ruth thinks back to those early days when her grandmother told stories, she recalls the intensity of the stars in the sky. They didn’t have electricity, but there was fire. She would walk barefoot over the red soil to get water from the stream. It was a life of little routines.

Above: Ruth’s late mother holding her late baby sister, Chido.

Tragedies

Despite the positive memories of her grandmother, Ruth’s life had a tragic beginning. When Ruth was five, her mother died by suicide, and one month after that, Ruth’s only sister died from measles. After these tragedies, Ruth moved around between her mother’s siblings. Gogo tried her best to make sure everyone was friendly to Ruth, as she was often treated more like “the help” than a part of the family.

“I knew that I was so loved by this woman. I’ve had so many twists and turns in my life, but the grounding in my grandmother’s love is why I seem to be able to get through whatever.” (audio below)


Above: Ruth (on the right in red) at her cousin’s birthday. “I was serving them food – often treated like the help – exactly like Cinderella.”

Different

Ruth grew up in a culture with clearly defined gender roles, but she didn’t fit the mold. She remembers hearing from relatives that she must be cursed. 

“I was aware from a very early age that I was different in how I liked to dress. I was such a tomboy. They would try to buy me dresses and skirts – but they would be left untouched. I would wear the same pair of shorts for weeks at a time. Family would visit from the rural areas. They would be there for a week without any idea that I was a girl.” (audio below)

Ruth remembers the deep high school crushes she had on women, but it wasn’t something she would ever admit. There was no representation of the LGBTIQ community in Zimbabwe at the time, so being a lesbian wasn’t something she even knew existed. Her aunt had a gay hairdresser, but nobody labeled him as “gay” – he just “existed.” 

United Kingdom

In the late 1990s, Zimbabwe’s economy was collapsing, and many people were leaving. Ruth wanted to get out too, so two days after writing her high school exams in 1998, she was on a flight to England. Ruth thought it was a great opportunity, but when she arrived, the situation wasn’t as expected. She was essentially going to be doing housework for almost zero pay- they were exploiting her.

At 18, Ruth was young and vulnerable. She didn’t know she could have enrolled in Nursing School since Zimbabwe is a former British colony.

“When people lack information, they struggle when they shouldn’t.”

She managed to leave her “job” and went to work at a furniture shop. Eventually, she started doing “care work” – the common form of employment for Zimbabweans in England. Ruth began to send money back to Zimbabwe. She felt rich, but she didn’t feel accepted. 

Nebraska

Ruth’s aunt connected her to a friend, who had a friend, and this is what brought her to South Omaha, Nebraska in July 1999 – on a visitor’s visa, but she didn’t plan on leaving.

Again things weren’t as she expected. This friend of a friend was a “troubled soul,” with a six-month-old baby that she expected Ruth to look after. Ruth felt stuck. Luckily this woman’s sister came by one day, noticed that Ruth wasn’t in a good place, and took Ruth to enroll in classes to become a Certified Nurse Assistant (CNA).  

If Ruth had known, she would have applied to school right away and switched to an F1 Student Visa, or she could have even applied for asylum. Still, instead, her visitor visa expired, and she became undocumented. 

Ruth explains how living in the shadows wasn’t too complicated back then. She recognizes her privilege, explaining how she believes it would have been a lot harder to live “under the radar” if she was from Central or South America, or couldn’t speak English well. (audio below)

After graduating, Ruth started working as a CNA at a nursing home.

Abuse

At 21, Ruth met the father of her two children. It should have been easy for Ruth to have her status adjusted since she married a US citizen, but he didn’t have a birth certificate, which complicated things. Early on in their relationship, there were signs of emotional and physical abuse, and she regrets staying in the relationship as long as she did. “I was young and naive.” 

Audio: Ruth reading from her memoir about the day her daughter Chido was born – “the happiest day of my life”.

At nursing school, Ruth also developed a crush on a woman in her program, and she told her husband about her attraction to women. It was also the first time she had admitted this to herself. In 2007 Ruth graduated as a registered nurse. Ruth wanted to take her children ages one and three, and leave her marriage, but her husband wasn’t going to let this happen.

“I had no idea it would get as horrible as it did. There is nothing he didn’t try to do. When I look back now, it’s very possible he could have killed me because he wasn’t in his right mind.”

Ruth explains how, since all of this happened, her ex-husband was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder while in prison. She believes he is a different, better, person now.

Deportation

Ruth had a restraining order on her husband, forcing him out of the house. In an attempt to have her deported, he reported Ruth to ICE (The U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement). She ended up spending a month in jail away from her children.

“ICE agents showed up with guns and bulletproof vests at six in the morning. Luckily my aunt who had raised me from 10-18 was granted asylum. She was able to take my kids, so they weren’t thrown in foster care.” (audio below)

For the next three years, Ruth was in a different divorce or immigration court every few weeks. They finalized their divorce in 2010, and Ruth was granted sole custody. Because of what went through, Ruth was able to file for VAWA (Violence Against Women Act). The Vermont office approved her case, but the local office denied it. She is still in the process of challenging this denial and will be back in court in 2021. For now, she gets a yearly work permit. 

Her “Plan B” is to file for asylum based on the fact she came out after she left her country and homosexuality is illegal and punishable by jail in Zimbabwe.

“I have an amazing team of lawyers who have followed my story. I try not to worry about it because what will that do? In the meantime, I worry about raising happy kids.”

Ruth had been working in health care for a decade. After being arrested and detained, she no longer had a nursing license or a work permit. 

Cleaner

Ruth’s first girlfriend after her marriage had a family cleaning business. Ruth realized it was something she could do on her own after learning the trade from her girlfriend.

In 2011, Ruth bought a cleaning business starter kit for 20 dollars that helped her advertise online and listed the products she needed. Calls started coming in. Today Ruth’s business cleans for commercial buildings and big art galleries in the city. She also has had up to eight employees working for her.

“What’s most rewarding for me about the cleaning business is the ability to provide an income for other women, especially immigrant women.” 

She loves how the business is flexible, and she makes her hours. She also loves how it keeps her in shape. 

“It’s my gym. I love it. That’s how I get to look how I look, and I’m almost 40 – vacuuming those stairs!” (audio below)

Parenting

The divorce and Ruth’s detention were extremely traumatic for the children. She has taken them to therapy and tries her best to give them consistency and stability at home.

“That’s the thing about being a single parent. I have to be the affectionate one, but I also have to be the one who gives structure. My kids started doing their own laundry in second grade and cooking at ages three and four. I read about other people’s teenagers, and I’m like ‘oh, my God!’ – that’s just not my experience. I think all parents are biased, but Chido and Simba are such amazing kids.” (audio below)

“Not having parents gave me a different perspective. It’s almost as if I parent from the standpoint of if I had had a mother, what would I want my mother to be like for me.”

Ruth is starting to work on a parenting book since what she is doing as a single mom seems to be working.

Chido is named after Ruth’s late sister. She dreams of going to Yale, studying medicine, and becoming a “bilingual neurosurgeon.” She is already working on the bilingual part by studying Spanish at school. Chido never thought of herself as particularly athletic, then she medalled in cross-country. Ruth found out that her biological father was a cross-country champion, so maybe it is in Chido’s genes? Someday Chido would love to set up a foundation to help kids in Zimbabwe and buy a house for her mom. 

“I think my mom is really brave. She inspires me to do a lot of things I wouldn’t have otherwise done.”  (audio below)

Simba’s dream is to go to Duke on a basketball scholarship and play in the NBA.

“I like how you get to work with the team. There is no ‘I’ in ‘Team.’” (audio below)

Ruth says he is just as smart as his sister; he just puts in a little less effort. At home, Simba is the “domestic” one, making coffee or vacuuming. One of his favorite things about his mom is that she takes them traveling. 

Ruth’s other child is Hillary Clinton.

“I come from a culture where pets stay outside – cats are evil. If you have a cat, you are a witch. My kids have always wanted a pet because they don’t come from that culture. One client has a farm and the cats had babies. We fostered some cats, and then we decided to get a permanent cat. That’s how Hillary Clinton became a part of our family.”

Above: Thanksgiving Dinner with Ruth’s extended family at her aunt’s house in Nebraska

Racism

According to Ruth, Omaha, which includes smaller surrounding cities like Bellevue, is racially and socio-economically segregated – the north is black, south is Latino, the west is white, and the white liberals live in Dundee. Ruth explains how this segregation relates directly to how well-funded the school districts are.

“One advantage of being an immigrant is that because things have gone wrong in our country and we want the best for our kids, we don’t ask where the black people are, we just move to where the best schools are. Most black and brown people around here [in Bellevue] are immigrants.”

Because she grew up in a country with a black majority, she feels like sometimes she may experience racism in the US and not even notice it. To Ruth, “the system is invisible.”

“When I get pulled over, I am really nice to the cop, and would never think I am being targeted. I know if I were born here, my thinking would be different. In the end, it is a huge advantage. It is almost like I have blinders on.” (audio below)

Activist

Since she was a young girl, Ruth has had a love of writing – an art that seemed to give birth to her activism.

In 2012 she released her memoir: Freedom of an Illegal Immigrant. Her second book, OUTsider: Crossing Borders. Breaking Rules. Gaining Pride (2014) is a celebration of sexuality. Her most recent book is Indelicate Things: A Collection of Narratives About the Female Body Giving and Receiving Pleasure (2015). Today Ruth’s writing focuses primarily on memoir and erotica. 

Ruth has been using her writing skills to help LGBTIQ people who are living in countries where their safety is at risk. In at least six instances, Ruth helped write the testimonials, for individuals granted asylum.

“I try to be really visible as an LGBTQ African.”

Future

Her children recently got their passports, and Ruth is incredibly excited. They have big travel plans – Canada, South Africa, and beyond. They hope to visit a different place every summer. 

“My future dreams are making sure I am supporting and guiding my kids to be best at whatever it is they want to do – to accomplish their goals. Compared to my life, they have no excuses. They have every privilege I never had. I never want them to see themselves as victims in life. They have to take advantage of the opportunities they have. That’s how you help the world.” (audio below)

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Anna’s Immigration Story – Labartoov, Poland to Lakeland, Florida

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Childhood

Anna was born in Labartoov, Poland, in the late 1970s and lived there until she was 16 years old. It was a small town, established in the 15th century and not particularly well now or famous for anything. It has three churches and “is one of those towns in Poland where everybody knows each other.”

As a child in Poland, Anna played outside a lot, but she thinks kids then grew up faster. Drinking and smoking at a young age was part of the culture. Her first drink of alcohol was at the age of 12. 

Anna was a Polish Girl Guide [see the photo above], which she describes as “military-ish.” They had squads, platoons, and ranks, and, like Scouts in America, they learned how to survive in the woods, build shelters and tie knots.

Father Leaves

Anna’s dad fled to the United States when she was six. The Iron Curtain was still up, so there was no chance that he would be returning. He received political asylum, and Anna wouldn’t see him again for seven years.

“I remember my first communion, and my dad wasn’t there. It is a big deal since almost everybody is Catholic in Poland. It is a right of passage – you get the dress, a whole ceremony – he wasn’t part of that.” (audio below)

She was used to receiving a lot of positive attention from her dad, so when he left, Anna took it very hard. His departure was even more difficult as her mother, who was an English teacher, was not very loving or patient, and her much older brothers were very hard on Anna. 

“I remember the first time we were able to call him; we had to go to a cousin’s house who had a phone. We set up a time to talk, and I couldn’t talk to him because I was so upset that he had left us. I refused to get on the phone.” (audio below)

Before he left, her father had been working in a communist factory, where everybody was getting the same minimal pay. He was a mechanical engineer, and there was no potential for advancement in Poland. Her mother told Anna that her father had left for the United States to find a way to make more money to provide a better life for the family. During this whole time apart, her parents stayed married, which Anna isn’t sure whether or not it was the best idea. Anna didn’t understand all that was going on between her parents.

Lacking Support

In Poland, you have to pick a major when you go to high school. All that Anna cared about was getting away from her mom, who was continually telling Anna she wasn’t good enough. She remembers her mom telling her, “become a hairdresser because that’s all you are good for”.

“I always tell people that I didn’t have dreams growing up. My mom always used to put me down. It didn’t matter what I wanted; my mom would bring me down. I never had anybody motivate me or encourage me in any way. I didn’t have any talent; at least I didn’t think I did.” (audio below)

By then, both of her brothers had already moved away to the US, so it was just Anna and her mom. The high school Anna wanted to go to was in a town 20 miles away, so she filled out the paperwork and her mom said she submitted it.  She didn’t.

“She didn’t tell me until the day of the entry exams. I was so heartbroken, betrayed, and angry at her, and life in general. I didn’t care and I didn’t want to go to school. All my friends were doing what they wanted to do, and I didn’t have that chance.”

Anna gave her father an ultimatum – he was going to bring her to the United States, or she wasn’t going to high school at all. She knew he was cheating on her mother.

“The reason he didn’t want me and my mom there was because it would interfere with his extracurricular activities.”

United States

Anna’s father submitted the paperwork for her to immigrate and in February 1994, in the middle of her high school sophomore year, Anna and her mom arrived in New York. Her parents were constantly fighting, so it wasn’t long before Anna decided to move out and head to California to live with her brothers.

“It was the best decision I’ve made. It was beautiful. The high school I went to was awesome and diverse and close to the ocean. It was the United States that I imagined.”

She went from taking ESL classes in sophomore year, to being in the English honors class her junior year. Anna was starting to see that she did have talents despite her mother’s misgivings.

“This gave me the confidence I was always lacking. I’m not stupid. I can do it. I proved myself.”

She was happy to finish high school, but she didn’t know what to do next.

Recruitment

Anna went to a junior college in Southern California, thinking more about Malibu Beach and hot guys, than academics. One day she got an unexpected call from a military recruiter: “Have you ever thought about joining the military?”

The recruiter was giving her his best pitch. Anna was sold when he started talking about all the travel she could do as part of the military. Her mom never let her travel when she lived in Poland.

“I only told my two best friends I had joined the army. I thought I would fail and not make it through basic training since I had no faith in myself. You don’t know how much you can do until you have a drill sergeant yelling at you! I excelled and I was also a very good shot.” (audio below)

Military

After completing basic training in South Carolina, she became an administrative specialist – “a secretary basically”. She ended up in Fort Zil, Oklahoma, which was a culture shock. 

“Oklahoma – where everybody has accents, wears tight wranglers, cowboy hats, and drives trucks. I cried when I first got there; this is not California!”

The military stationed Anna with a field artillery unit, which was almost all men. During this time, she started taking college classes, which the military paid for, and she became an American citizen. After four years in Oklahoma and at 24 years of age, she still didn’t know what she wanted to do as a career.

Anna decided to extend her contract, and in 2001 she was stationed in Germany where she stayed for almost three years. Germany is where she met her now-former husband, who was also in the military. 

In 2003, Anna arrived in Fort Huachuca, Arizona, six months pregnant. Although she was only in Arizona for a year, she loved it.  

“I loved Arizona. I didn’t think I would love being in the middle of the desert. It’s beautiful, and the people were super nice. Nobody is as nice as they are in Arizona. Even at the DMV, when you go to register your car, they are nice!” 

Anna and her husband decided to settle in Lakeland, Florida, where he grew up.

Nursing

Anna had been studying business administration while in the military, but she didn’t want to work in that field. She met a Polish woman who was working as a nurse and realized she could do that too. A few months before she finished her college degree, she took the necessary sciences and got into nursing school.

“I didn’t know what kind of nurse I wanted to be. One day I floated to ICU, this guy who was 40 years old and coded. All the nurses started doing CPR, and I just stood there and said, ‘I want to be that when I grow up’! Nurses handle everything and that’s what I do now.” (audio below)

Above: “This light comes from Florence Nightingale, the first real nurse. During the Crimean War, she was taking care of sick soldiers and would make rounds with the lamp. All nurses were required to carry a lamp. Ever since then, it has become a symbol of hope that nurses carry. We give that hope to the hopeless.” 

“In the ICU, it is always something. You have to be knocking on death’s door, whether it is your heart or multisystem organ failure. Our eyes are on you all the time – two patients per nurse. That’s why I like the ICU; it is always something, not just an earache.”

Audio: Anna explaining how it is hardest dealing with the younger patients who experience trauma

Divorce

It was during nursing school that she realized that her marriage wasn’t going to last. When she and her husband split up, her children were two and four years old, and she was still in nursing school. “It was hell! Harder than basic training!”

“When I was going through everything with my ex-husband, I noticed I would get very frustrated with them, and that was not who I wanted to be. I did not want to be my mom. I’ve got to be better than that.”

Audio: Anna reflecting on becoming a parent

Now her children are teenagers, and both are involved in competitive cheerleading. Anna clarifies that cheerleading was their idea, not hers. While it is both time-consuming and money-consuming, her girls really wanted to cheer. (audio below)

“I want to be a parent, but I also want to be a friend. I want to support them in whatever they choose to do.”

Above: During Hurricane Irma, Anna’s daughters stayed in the basement of the hospital while their mom worked upstairs. In the aftermath, the backyard needed a new fence, and the trampoline remains upside-down.

Lakeland

Anna describes Lakeland as a city that is very southern, racist, small-minded, with “not a whole lot of anything going on.” At the same time, she thinks it is a good place to raise kids. Still, she wishes her children could be exposed more to other cultures. 

“I’ve met a lot of people who haven’t seen snow or been on a plane. You live in the United States, and you haven’t seen snow? A lot of ‘Oh, I’ve got everything I need right here’.” 

There aren’t a lot of Polish people around in Lakeland, but she’s never felt excluded by the local community. 

“I’ve never had anyone make me feel like I was invading their country. Do I get Polish jokes? All the time. Blonde jokes? All the time. It is what it is.” (audio below)

Republican and pro-Trump is the norm in Lakeland, Florida. Anna is proud that her daughters are developing critical minds and thinking about some of the ideas they are encountering. 

“My daughter was the only student in her class that was anti-Trump. First off, you are a girl, and as a woman, you can never support Trump. She was the only one! When we drive together, I use that time to discuss different issues. I try to talk on her level. You can see the wheels turning.” (audio below)

Missing Poland

Anna misses the social life in Poland. She thinks the everyday interactions between people in Poland are more genuine. 

“When someone asks you ‘how you are doing?’ in Poland, they really mean it – they want to know. Nobody is going to say, ‘I’m fine’ even though their house is on fire!”

Anna finds conversations are not as authentic as she remembers them being in Poland. (audio below)

Anna wants her children to feel connected to Poland and has already taken them to visit the country several times. The last time they were in Poland the girls remembered how delicious the bread was, and they learned a few words.

“They’ve already got the travel bug. I always tell them the world is so much bigger than what you see. You just have to open yourself up to that.”

She can’t wait to take them on a trip to Europe. 

“They are going to try some Italian wine! I don’t want them growing up sheltered because then the kids go crazy. By the time they hit college, all the kids go crazy here. Everything is too taboo!”

Polish Christmas

At Christmas, Anna misses the holiday as she remembers it from Poland.  

“Christmas is the happiest holiday in Poland. All the other holidays in Poland are sad. Halloween is sad and the same with Easter. We don’t have egg hunts and the Easter bunny – you fast for 40 days, starve yourself, go to church every day and pray for hours and hours. But Christmas is happy.” 

She has tried to keep some of the Polish Christmas traditions going here in Florida because she knew her girls would like it. It involves a red soup called barszcz, not eating meat on the night of the 24th, and only starting dinner (with up to 24 different dishes) once the kids have spotted the first star

“You always set the table with an extra setting for an unknown stranger. If an unknown stranger comes through and knocks on the door you are ready for them.” 

After dinner, the family goes to midnight mass. When you return from the mass you can eat sausage, drink, and party. (audio below)

Anna continues to try and be a mother very different from her own, as she encourages her girls to pursue their dreams.

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© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.