Oregon

Ben’s Immigration Story – Kinshasa, the Democratic Republic of the Congo to Corvallis, Oregon

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Childhood

Ben and his six siblings grew up in Kinshasa, the capital city of the Democratic Republic of the Congo. His mother stayed home, and his father had a high-profile job, working as the financial advisor to the President of the Senate. Ben witnessed how hard his father worked so his children could have the best of everything from an early age.

Above: A photo of Ben’s father on his phone

“We were going to an expensive school when he could have put us in another school to save money. He did his best for my brother and me to come to the US and have the best opportunity.”  

Ben could see how fortunate his family was compared to many other families. Kinshasa is a busy city with many people out in the street finding ways to make some money – cutting hair, carrying things, holding open doors, selling candy. 

“There is a lot of joy in my country. Even if the country is in a very bad situation, they try to have fun and enjoy life.” 

Above: The bus at Oregon State University

Ben does not miss Kinshasa’s inefficient public transportation. He explains how it is common to have to fight to get on the bus at rush hour. Ben does miss how social riding the bus can be.

“You would be inside the bus, and then someone would comment on politics, or soccer or music. Everyone on the bus would start talking about that specific topic, and you would all be talking with random people.” (audio below)

United States

Ben didn’t grow up planning to study outside of the DRC, and he definitely didn’t want to go to the US. He had heard too many stories of racism there. 

Ben, who grew up speaking French, was attending a private American school in the Congo to learn English, and the school had a presentation about studying in the US that intrigued Ben. His brother already went to Portland Community College in Oregon, and Ben’s dad thought Ben should go to the US too. These events catalyzed Ben’s decision to journey to America. 

Ben flew into Portland, Oregon, in 2014 to join his brother and start classes at Portland Community College. He had to make a few adjustments: despite knowing some English from school in the DRC he found it hard to understand Americans, and the food in the US didn’t taste right. He felt like he was only eating it because he was starving. Ben missed dishes like fufu and pondu, which are popular in the DRC.  

Ben’s reaction when he couldn’t understand what someone was was to smile back, and assume they were saying something kind. Ben knew racism is a problem in the US, but he wasn’t expecting to encounter it within a week of arriving in the US.

“We were walking to the bus station, and there were two guys, one of them said something to me, so I smiled and walked by. My brother told me he was making a racist comment.” (audio below)

United States

Ben found it stressful being in a new place without family, compounded by the fact that he had no money. Ben’s dad lost his job right after Ben arrived in the US, so he didn’t know how he was going to pay rent, let alone stay in the United States. Luckily friends helped him with rent, and one friend from the student government at PCC helped with tuition. Ben went on to graduate with his associate degree and transferred to Oregon State.

Geology

Ben grew up on a continent with a long history of European resource exploitation, as well as human rights abuses of miners, who often are children. Learning about this led Ben to choose geology as his field of study. 

“I wanted to study geology so I could eventually go back home and start a mineral company, hire the local population, and give them a good salary.”

Above: A friend gave Ben this necklace so he never forgets where he is from

Africa

On-campus at Oregon State, Ben tries his best to be a cultural ambassador. He tries to be an advocate for “everything that is African culture.” 

“The problem with a lot of immigrants is that we want to be part of this community so badly, and we think that by rejecting our origins or who we are, it will help us be accepted. I don’t think this is the case. Once you reject your origin or your culture so that you don’t have a unique identity, it is harder for people to accept you.” (audio below)

Most people Ben encounters on campus know nothing about the Congo, and very little about Africa. 

“They assume it is in Africa because I’m black and my necklace. A lot of the time, people talk about Africa as though it was a country, not a continent. People will ask, ‘what is it like to live in Africa?’ I don’t know because I’ve only lived in my country!” (audio below)

Black On Campus

It isn’t always comfortable being black on Oregon State’s campus. Ben’s community in Corvallis comes mostly from the Black Student Union (BSU) – a place for connecting with others who are going through similar experiences. The BSU is a space where a lot of students can make connections and build community. There is a lot of conversation, listening to music and laughter. 

“You have something happen to you, and you think you are the only one. Then you get there, and you see it has happened to other people too.”

They have had hate crimes on campus, and in his time at Oregon State, Ben has heard a lot of racist jokes. 

“Oregon State is very white. You could find yourself in a room of 200 people and only two black people in the room. If a teacher starts a conversation about slavery or black people, you will have everyone look at you like you are an expert.” (audio below)

Above: The flyer from when Ben ran for student president and was the runner-up

Involved

Aside from the BSU, Ben is also a member of the African Student Association and the “Here to Stay Club” at OSU. He made several friends who are DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) recipients since coming to the US. Ben could feel his friends’ fear after the 2016 election and decided to be a more vocal ally. 

The “Here to Stay Club” at Oregon State is working to create a Dreamers Center on campus, something Ben advocated for when he ran for student body president and finished runner-up.

Home

Despite some of the challenges Ben has faced, he considers Corvallis a beautiful place to study. It’s quiet, so he feels like it’s easier to focus on studying.

On his first day at OSU, he met his roommate Sierra from New Jersey [see the top right photo]. When Ben had to have surgery on his knee, she was the one who drove him to the hospital and cared for him afterward. She has also helped him when he hasn’t been able to pay the rent. Ben’s life in the US wouldn’t be the same without friends like Sierra.

The Election

The night of the 2016 presidential election, Ben was at a PCC viewing party with the rest of the student council. He was the last student to leave campus that day, and he called a taxi to go home. It was the first time Ben had felt unsafe in an Uber or Lyft. The driver asked Ben, 

“Did you watch the results?’ What are you going to do about it? Trump is President now. Are you going to leave or stay?’” (audio below)

Ben thinks America needed the 2016 election to mobilize people into helping marginalized communities. 

“If it weren’t for that election, some people would still be at home not doing anything. It brought people together.”

 Above: Ben loves listening to music to relax

International Student

Ben’s adjustment to being in the US has taken its toll on his mental health. He guesses that many international students share in this experience – especially those who come from countries where mental health is considered taboo. What Ben expected and what the reality was when he arrived in the US was completely different. For instance, the cost of living and the level of pressure at school both surprised him. All of this, plus the challenges he knew his parents were facing back home – like his Dad losing his job – made it much worse.

Since he arrived at OSU, Ben has been trying to talk to a counselor, but there is always a long waiting list.  

“When you are mentally not in the right place, how can they expect you to do well in your classes?” (audio below)

Future

Ben’s plan is to finish his bachelor’s degree, get a master’s degree, and then work in the US for a while. After that, he would like to return to the DRC. Ben had two dreams growing up. His first was becoming a soccer star, and that ended with a knee injury. His second dream was to one day become president. He still holds on to that second dream. 

As they say in the DRC,

“If you go first, it doesn’t mean you will arrive first.” (audio below)

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Mike’s Immigration Story – London, the United Kingdom to Norman, Oklahoma

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Childhood

Mike’s childhood in London wasn’t easy. He grew up in the northwest area of the city in a low-income family that lacked stability.

Above: Mike being held by his mother. Smoking, drinking and doing drugs were commonplace in his house.

Mike still thinks London is the most magnificent city in the world. Smells are a big trigger for childhood memories, like the smell of the tube (underground train) and wet concrete when it rains – earthy yet industrial.

“That, to me, is London – a big concrete and brick city, and it rains all the time.” (audio below)

Mike’s birth was unplanned. As a baby, his parents – who he never really remembers being a ‘couple’ – and his two much older half brothers were at the home. His oldest brother left home at age 16 when Mike was only one year old. “When he had the opportunity to get out, he did,” and in hindsight, Mike respects him for doing so.

Above: Mike with his brother and his brother’s son. “That was my brother being there for me when I needed him to be. The way he has his arm around me brings a tear to my eye. I always knew he would protect me.”

Instability

Mike grew up in a musical household – three or four guitars were always laying around. Mike’s grandfather, Alexis Korner, was a celebrated blues musician. He figures it was the musician’s lifestyle that got his parents into drugs.

“You can’t grow up and hang out with the Rolling Stones and not get into heroin.”

Above: Mike’s mother singing at a show the Rolling Stones headlined in Hyde Park [left] & Mike’s grandfather Alexis Korner [right]

“Essentially, both of my parents spent their lives dealing drugs in one form or another. That’s probably how they met, and that’s why they split up. It dominated most of my young life, but I didn’t know it at the time. Looking back as an adult, I am like, ‘Oh, ya that’s why that happened!’”

When asked what his father did for work, Mike replied, “What hasn’t he done? He repaired trucks, managed tours for the band Motorhead, and most recently he drove a cab.” His father was never in the best of health. 

Above: Mike’s father at a party [left]. The postcard Mike received for his 23rd birthday – “sometimes you want more than a postcard from your dad”.[right]

When Mike was 12, his mom met her boyfriend John. Mike remembers John as “the only person who could ever handle her” and he really looked up to him.

“It was my birthday. I wanted to be Bob Dylan, so he bought me a harmonica and said I could play his guitar anytime I wanted. That’s when I learned that I loved the guy.”

Above: Mike, as a teenager, with two of his best friends.

Mike’s first connections to America were his godmother who lived in Los Angeles, and his best friend in London who was from New York. His first visit to see his godmother was when he was six.

“From the moment I came to the US, I loved it. Getting into my godmother’s late 80s Oldsmobile, hot leather seats, palm trees. I was like, ‘Wow, this is pretty awesome!’ I think I was always meant to come back.”

Above: His mother’s little black book [right], where she kept all of her contacts and news clippings. He cherishes it not because of what is in it, but because it is the only possession he has that was his mother’s.

Loss

Mike’s mother died in 2006 when Mike was only 18 – the toughest thing he has ever gone through.

Mike needed to get out of the house after his mother’s death, but realistically he didn’t have anywhere to go. He had always lacked confidence and motivation and he didn’t expect to get into college. Mike thought it was a mistake when a journalism program in Falmouth, Cornwall, accepted him. After a couple of years of studying rarely, and socializing often, he decided to move back to London, where he got a job as a police community support officer. It was a position designed by the Metropolitan Police in London to bridge the gap between the community and the police.

Above: The thumbnail photo of Caelie Mike saw and clicked on when scrolling through camgirls [right]

Love Online

Mike wasn’t loving the job, he was dealing with depression, and looking for some to connect with. He turned to the internet. One night he was scrolling through “cam model” thumbnails and clicked on a redhead he found attractive.

Caelie, who is from Oklahoma, was living in Portland, Oregon when Mike came across her picture. She started working as a camgirl to put herself through massage school. She was “camming” with a lot of people every day, but as Caelie explains, Mike was different from the other guys.

“He didn’t come in and be like ‘show me your boobs.’ He was more like: What kind of music do you like? Do you have a college degree? Who’s your favorite artist? We started talking more and more in this casual way online. He was engaging, interesting, and kind. I felt like I was being seen and heard, and that was a really new experience for me.” (audio below)

Things between them moved fast – within the first few conversations; it was clear something was there. Mike kept coming back and spending more money to chat with her, and she knew that because of the time difference, he wasn’t sleeping. As Mike remembers,

“I was never looking for love, but it found me. I was just looking for someone to listen to me and make me feel special. The more I got to know, the more I liked her, and the fact that it was reciprocated was even more shocking to me. I was just paying to be there!”

 

Caelie and Mike started writing a lot of letters back and forth. Caelie has always liked to write, feeling like it is a very personal thing to do. 

“That was my way of sharing a part of myself with him and being vulnerable with him. Sometimes the internet feels very impersonal. To have something that someone has touched is special. We had to grasp at straws to create intimacy because of the distance, and writing for me, was a way.”

Mike really wanted to meet Caelie in person. He felt like his job working as a community support officer for the Police in London, was a “dead-end,”  and he was ready for a change.

Above: A selfie they took on Mike’s first visit to Oregon.

Together

When Mike arrived in Portland in 2011, he never had any intention actually to move to the US. They had been talking every day for months, so it was exciting to finally meet Caelie in person. 

“That first time when we first got to share the same space. It was incredible. We already knew, but it confirmed it for us. Everything else is there; now we just need to occupy the same physical space. From that moment there was no question. There were lots of questions from people around us, but we never doubted it.”

Caelie remembers waiting for Mike at the airport in Portland and how intense that first meeting was. She remembers their first hug – it was overwhelming.

“We got out to my car in the parking garage and just sat there and stared at each other for a little while. That was a really good two weeks. We didn’t leave the house as we were just enjoying each other. We both cried when he had to go.” (audio below)

 Above: Tickets from the top of Space Needle in Seattle, where they made the decision to get married.

Mike and Caelie visited each other in person every three months for a while, then Mike came to the US on a fiancé visa in 2012. They tried to do the application without an immigration lawyer, but they hadn’t provided enough evidence of their relationship. After five months of waiting, they got the rejection. The second time they applied, they sent in “more than enough evidence.” 

“Even with Mike being from a western country, white, speaking English- it was hard and expensive. I really feel for people who have more obstacles. We had all the cards stacked for us, and it was still really difficult.”

Molly

Caelie was pregnant within two weeks of Mike’s arrival. Neither of them planned on having kids before, but oddly enough, if they ever had a daughter, they both agreed that they wanted to name her Molly. (audio below)

They had a “shotgun wedding” and got “some looks about it” but they were so in love nothing else mattered. Molly was born in August 2013.

“Molly is smart, sassy, and strong. She is so independent, and it is a huge pain in both of our asses. We wouldn’t want it any other way. She’s a tiny person and reminds me of both my wife and me every day. It’s an honor, and it’s absolutely terrifying, and I don’t want to mess it up.” (audio below)

Despite coming from different backgrounds, Mike says he and Caelie want the same thing for their daughter – to provide her with unconditional love. 

“We want her to have that safety and security of knowing no matter what happens and who you are or the decisions you make, you will be loved. We are your people until the moment that we don’t exist. That was something my mom actually taught me. Her love was never conditional, despite the plethora of crap that was my childhood – I never questioned her love. She made sure I had a roof over my head, food in my belly, clothes, and that I went to school. That’s always been the baseline of what a parent owes a child.” (audio below)

Mike also knows many of the things he experienced growing up – he never wants Molly to encounter. He doesn’t want her to be around drugs or irresponsible adults.

“There is nothing that quite compares to being a kid and realizing that the person you are relying on is not reliable. It shakes things. Despite knowing that my mom loved me there were times when she was screwed up – whether it was drinking, drugs, or bad relationships. Realizing that I didn’t necessarily come first at those times was kind of scary, and I don’t want that for my kid.” 

Oklahoma

When Mike arrived in 2012, they lived at Caelie’s parents’ house. Mike needed to find work to support his pregnant wife. His first job in Oklahoma was as a laborer, laying mortar for a masonry company. After that, he got into selling insurance over the phone. He figures his British accent got him that job. After the call center, he became an associate agent for All-State Insurance. Still, he wanted to try something else.

In 2018, Mike started working as the volunteer coordinator at the Cleveland County ReStore for Habitat for Humanity. This ReStore focuses on taking care of the local community and getting people out of poverty. Volunteers do most of the labor at the store. 

Mike describes Oklahoma as “quintessential midwest,” barely any hills, big plains, buffalo, and waving wheat. They have scorching summers and short cold winters, and dealing with tornadoes is normal. Politically it is a “a very red state, the buckle of the bible belt”, but Norman is a university town, so it is a “very blue bubble in a red state”.

It bothers Mike how the community is polarized as a result of the region’s history.

 “If you are rich and your family’s rich, then you live on that side of town; if not, you are over there.”

In East Norman, where they live, it is more diverse. Mike wants Molly to grow up, “knowing that there are people different than her, and that’s a good thing.”

For a while, Mike and Caelie were thinking about moving. They decided to stay.

“We want to make this place better and take care of what we do have here – a budding and caring community.”

Above: Mike wearing a scarf Caelie knitted and mailed to Mike after they started talking online

Modern Love

Caelie feels like she and Mike have a truly modern love story. Their courting seems unique, but she thinks it may become less unusual as time goes on. Caelie says ‘cam work’ is amazing because it is something that is usually done willingly as a choice. It allowed her to be financially independent and to find love across an ocean.

“I chose to be in it, and I enjoyed the work while I was in it. When I didn’t enjoy it I stopped. It taught me a lot about my fellow humans and what’s normal. It set me up to be open to something.” (audio below)

It is still something Caelie believes should be done carefully- especially the idea of meeting in person with someone you met online.

“Everybody should be cautious online, but you can’t live in complete fear. You have to put yourself out there in order to find love and a life that you want.”

Future

Mike wants to grow old with Caelie in Norman, Oklahoma. 

“Caelie is the glue to who I am as a person. I love her with all my heart.”

He hopes in the future he can look back and say that he had a part in making Norman a better place – “a little more loving, a little more caring”.

“Through my work in the community and also through raising a child that is going to live those ideals, teach other people, and maybe have her own children someday. The best I can do is try and raise a kid who is going to make the world a better place. It’s not a big fancy dream – it’s pretty straight forward.” (audio below)

*Update: Since the interview, Mike became a US citizen and returned to working as an associate agent for All-State. He says his experiences in the non-profit sector have helped him be more focused on improving the local community with the work he does with insurance. Mike’s father passed away in February of 2020.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh & Janice May. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.