girl guides

Abi’s Immigration Story – Mexico City, Mexico to New Albany, Mississippi

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Mexico

“I don’t have many memories of Mexico.”

Abi’s memories of life in Mexico are vague – it’s hard to tell what is a memory and what is from the stories her mom has told her. She knows they were poor, and eating from the street vendors was a luxury. This one lady would always come by on a bicycle selling tamales and hot chocolate. Abi would run out to her. The lady would have a huge smile and she never expected Abi to pay her anything – she could see that Abi was poor and hungry. That woman’s kindness, Abi has never forgotten, and it inspired her to want to do good for others too. (audio below)

Abi remembers how close-knit her family was in Mexico and has memories from the day they left. It had been almost two years since they last saw Abi’s father, who was already in the US. Leaving felt spontaneous – Abi had no idea her last day in Mexico, was her last day. She left wearing a black Bart Simpson backpack, with a cardigan, a coloring book, and crayons inside. (audio below)

Leaving

She remembers how sad leaving Mexico was for her mom. Abi was put on a bus which took her close to the border, then she got in the van of her mom’s friend, and this woman brought Abi across the border, saying Abi was one of her daughters. (audio below)

Abi’s mom tried to cross on her own and got caught and sent back to Mexico by border patrol the first time. This meant that Abi, four years old, had to stay two weeks in a hotel room with this stranger who crossed her and her own three kids. Abi remembers the smell of cigarettes and combing the lice from the children’s hair. For these two weeks, her parents didn’t know where Abi was and they were “freaking out”. Then one day, the woman told Abi to get dressed and get in the van. That was the day Abi finally got to see her dad for the first time in almost two years. Three weeks later, her mom crossed the border without getting caught and met up with them.

They stayed in Colorado for a few months, where an aunt was living. Adjusting to the United States was hard for Abi’s mom, and job opportunities were scarce. An uncle had a construction business down in Mississippi, so they headed there to try it out. Abi’s dad was a welder in Mexico, but in America, he worked in construction and for a furniture business. Her mom, the daughter of a seamstress, had always worked office jobs in Mexico. She always said she would never sew like her mom did but a factory in Mississippi was hiring, and she has been sewing for them ever since. Both of Abi’s parents had to work night shifts. 

Abi’s mom, in particular, has endured a lot being away from her family.

“To be able to fight as hard as my mom has to raise my sister and me is incredible. We are family people, and she didn’t have support.”

Adapting

It wasn’t easy for Abi to adapt to school in Mississippi. She started kindergarten in New Albany, and only three other Hispanic families had kids at that school. She always felt like she was bringing weird-smelling foods or weird-looking drinks to school.

“We don’t stop being Mexicans just because we moved to a different country. It was hard to find friends that wouldn’t look at you weird. It’s really close-minded here. The Hispanic community is large now, but back then, it was small, so we were ‘foreigners.’”

There also wasn’t an ESL (English as a Second Language) teacher at her school to help her.

“I remember for two years, all they did was stick us Hispanics in a room and let us draw on the board.”

But Abi will never forget one teacher, Ms. Tammy Hill, who would try her best to help despite the language barrier. It was because of Ms. Hill that she learned English in nine months. (audio below)

Abi always felt excluded due to religious differences. Most of the people in this part of Mississippi are Baptists, whereas her family is Catholic. She felt like people were always asking her questions about the bible, and she couldn’t believe they do “bible drills”. (audio below)

Community

“I’ve always been a loner.”

Her mom thought Abi needed friends and signed her up for Girl Scouts. The leader, Miss Kareen, was the first white person Abi remembers truly accepting her and the other Hispanic kids. Her first friends, her age, were Miss Kareen’s daughter and niece.

“They were the first American family that accepted us for who we were. They didn’t question why we weren’t speaking English or why we couldn’t afford this or that. Girl Scouts will always hold a special place in my heart. It gave me the confidence I never had as a kid. We were all the weird kids, and we bonded over our weirdness.” (audio below)

Stokes is a general store off the highway that’s been around for many years. It’s where Abi’s parents would go to cash their work checks. They couldn’t cash them at most places without ID, but Mr. Stokes would cash them. He asked her family what they missed from home, and they said tortillas.

“There was nowhere here that you could find tortillas. Mr. Stokes said ‘give me a list,’ and he would order Mexican products to bring into the store. He was one of the few people who supported immigrants in this community. He always told me I could take one candy that I wanted when my parents cashed their checks.” (audio below)

Like Miss Kareen, Mr. Stokes, who passed away recently, treated Abi’s family with respect and kindness.

Dreams

From an early age, Abi knew she wanted to be a medical surgeon. With her high school counselor’s help, she took all the classes she would need to get accepted, and made excellent grades by “working [her] butt off.” It was two months before she graduated high school in 2013, and many universities had sent her letters of acceptance (including her dream university, Stanford), when Abi came to realize that because she didn’t have a social insurance number, so she wouldn’t qualify for any scholarships. Abi wasn’t going to be able to afford university, which was one of the hardest realizations she has ever had.

“You spend your entire senior year planning out your life and I wanted to go to Stanford so bad. That’s all I ever talked about.”

She settled for community college, and because she was undocumented, she was paying out-of-state tuition. After the first semester, she dropped out.

“I couldn’t get it out of my mind the fact that I had failed myself.” (audio below)

Medical school wasn’t in the cards for Abi. She thought about studying criminal science, and then joining the police force – and then found out she couldn’t do that since she wasn’t a US citizen.

“I went into a depressed state. I always knew something was off about me but I used to be one of those people who said, ‘just think happy thoughts, and it will go away.’”

She didn’t know what to do with her life, felt very alone, and was hopping from job to job. Then she met her partner, he helped her a lot, and she started to see “the light at the end of the tunnel.”

Grandma

If there is one person who has inspired Abi the most, it would be her grandma. She was orphaned at a young age, married young to an abusive husband, and got divorced (which was highly unusual at the time).

“My grandma is the epitome of strength and resilience. She put all her kids through school as a single mother. She would find ways to have fun and never focus on the negative.” (audio below)

When Abi left Mexico she thought she would never see her grandma again. Luckily, one decade after she arrived in the US, her grandma got a tourist visa to come to Mississippi and attend Abi’s graduation. Her grandma makes a green mole from scratch and snuck in some spices to make sure Abi got to eat her favorite dish.

“When I see her, it is like we haven’t missed a day. She’s just the light in my world. If I can be half the woman she is I’m doing something good. She forgets a lot of things because of her age, but she never forgets someone’s birthday.”

Although Abi couldn’t go to medical school, she still managed to find employment in the medical field. It started with a job in 2014 at the hospital doing newborn photography. Finding a passion and love for photography helped her get out of her depression. 

After the hospital, she started working at a dental office. Two Italian American dentist twins, Ronnie and Donnie, really believed in her.

“I didn’t know anything about being a dental assistant, and they hired me.”

Future

Abi feels like she is at a bit of a fork in the road and isn’t exactly sure what she is going to do next. She’d like to go to dental school, ideally at Ole Miss.

Even though Abi’s been in Mississippi for almost two decades, the fact that she isn’t from there is something she is reminded of regularly.

“To me, this is my home. New Albany is the first place I made my memories in the US. It doesn’t matter how excluded they make me feel; this is always going to be my home.”

Still, Abi believes that her generation is changing a lot of things here and thinks the future is bright.

“Here in Mississippi, we need to learn how to accept immigrants. We came here because we wanted a better life. If Mississippian people were to open up their doors and listen to our stories, they could start to understand that we aren’t here to invade or take jobs. We are all just people, and we are trying to make life happen for us too. I hope and pray that everyone learns to respect others, who may not look alike, sound alike, or pray alike. We are in the “bible belt,” and if we really are Christians, then we need to act like it. Immigrants should be included.” (audio below)

Abi hopes more people like herself will share their stories.

“I don’t think my story is particularly special from anyone else that has come to the United States to try and make a new life.”

Abi also thinks too many people either try to forget that they came from somewhere else. She doesn’t want to forget her roots.

“Even though I was four years old when I came here, Mexico is still a part of who I am.”

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes are edited for clarity and brevity.

Anna’s Immigration Story – Labartoov, Poland to Lakeland, Florida

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Childhood

Anna was born in Labartoov, Poland, in the late 1970s and lived there until she was 16 years old. It was a small town, established in the 15th century and not particularly well now or famous for anything. It has three churches and “is one of those towns in Poland where everybody knows each other.”

As a child in Poland, Anna played outside a lot, but she thinks kids then grew up faster. Drinking and smoking at a young age was part of the culture. Her first drink of alcohol was at the age of 12. 

Anna was a Polish Girl Guide [see the photo above], which she describes as “military-ish.” They had squads, platoons, and ranks, and, like Scouts in America, they learned how to survive in the woods, build shelters and tie knots.

Father Leaves

Anna’s dad fled to the United States when she was six. The Iron Curtain was still up, so there was no chance that he would be returning. He received political asylum, and Anna wouldn’t see him again for seven years.

“I remember my first communion, and my dad wasn’t there. It is a big deal since almost everybody is Catholic in Poland. It is a right of passage – you get the dress, a whole ceremony – he wasn’t part of that.” (audio below)

She was used to receiving a lot of positive attention from her dad, so when he left, Anna took it very hard. His departure was even more difficult as her mother, who was an English teacher, was not very loving or patient, and her much older brothers were very hard on Anna. 

“I remember the first time we were able to call him; we had to go to a cousin’s house who had a phone. We set up a time to talk, and I couldn’t talk to him because I was so upset that he had left us. I refused to get on the phone.” (audio below)

Before he left, her father had been working in a communist factory, where everybody was getting the same minimal pay. He was a mechanical engineer, and there was no potential for advancement in Poland. Her mother told Anna that her father had left for the United States to find a way to make more money to provide a better life for the family. During this whole time apart, her parents stayed married, which Anna isn’t sure whether or not it was the best idea. Anna didn’t understand all that was going on between her parents.

Lacking Support

In Poland, you have to pick a major when you go to high school. All that Anna cared about was getting away from her mom, who was continually telling Anna she wasn’t good enough. She remembers her mom telling her, “become a hairdresser because that’s all you are good for”.

“I always tell people that I didn’t have dreams growing up. My mom always used to put me down. It didn’t matter what I wanted; my mom would bring me down. I never had anybody motivate me or encourage me in any way. I didn’t have any talent; at least I didn’t think I did.” (audio below)

By then, both of her brothers had already moved away to the US, so it was just Anna and her mom. The high school Anna wanted to go to was in a town 20 miles away, so she filled out the paperwork and her mom said she submitted it.  She didn’t.

“She didn’t tell me until the day of the entry exams. I was so heartbroken, betrayed, and angry at her, and life in general. I didn’t care and I didn’t want to go to school. All my friends were doing what they wanted to do, and I didn’t have that chance.”

Anna gave her father an ultimatum – he was going to bring her to the United States, or she wasn’t going to high school at all. She knew he was cheating on her mother.

“The reason he didn’t want me and my mom there was because it would interfere with his extracurricular activities.”

United States

Anna’s father submitted the paperwork for her to immigrate and in February 1994, in the middle of her high school sophomore year, Anna and her mom arrived in New York. Her parents were constantly fighting, so it wasn’t long before Anna decided to move out and head to California to live with her brothers.

“It was the best decision I’ve made. It was beautiful. The high school I went to was awesome and diverse and close to the ocean. It was the United States that I imagined.”

She went from taking ESL classes in sophomore year, to being in the English honors class her junior year. Anna was starting to see that she did have talents despite her mother’s misgivings.

“This gave me the confidence I was always lacking. I’m not stupid. I can do it. I proved myself.”

She was happy to finish high school, but she didn’t know what to do next.

Recruitment

Anna went to a junior college in Southern California, thinking more about Malibu Beach and hot guys, than academics. One day she got an unexpected call from a military recruiter: “Have you ever thought about joining the military?”

The recruiter was giving her his best pitch. Anna was sold when he started talking about all the travel she could do as part of the military. Her mom never let her travel when she lived in Poland.

“I only told my two best friends I had joined the army. I thought I would fail and not make it through basic training since I had no faith in myself. You don’t know how much you can do until you have a drill sergeant yelling at you! I excelled and I was also a very good shot.” (audio below)

Military

After completing basic training in South Carolina, she became an administrative specialist – “a secretary basically”. She ended up in Fort Zil, Oklahoma, which was a culture shock. 

“Oklahoma – where everybody has accents, wears tight wranglers, cowboy hats, and drives trucks. I cried when I first got there; this is not California!”

The military stationed Anna with a field artillery unit, which was almost all men. During this time, she started taking college classes, which the military paid for, and she became an American citizen. After four years in Oklahoma and at 24 years of age, she still didn’t know what she wanted to do as a career.

Anna decided to extend her contract, and in 2001 she was stationed in Germany where she stayed for almost three years. Germany is where she met her now-former husband, who was also in the military. 

In 2003, Anna arrived in Fort Huachuca, Arizona, six months pregnant. Although she was only in Arizona for a year, she loved it.  

“I loved Arizona. I didn’t think I would love being in the middle of the desert. It’s beautiful, and the people were super nice. Nobody is as nice as they are in Arizona. Even at the DMV, when you go to register your car, they are nice!” 

Anna and her husband decided to settle in Lakeland, Florida, where he grew up.

Nursing

Anna had been studying business administration while in the military, but she didn’t want to work in that field. She met a Polish woman who was working as a nurse and realized she could do that too. A few months before she finished her college degree, she took the necessary sciences and got into nursing school.

“I didn’t know what kind of nurse I wanted to be. One day I floated to ICU, this guy who was 40 years old and coded. All the nurses started doing CPR, and I just stood there and said, ‘I want to be that when I grow up’! Nurses handle everything and that’s what I do now.” (audio below)

Above: “This light comes from Florence Nightingale, the first real nurse. During the Crimean War, she was taking care of sick soldiers and would make rounds with the lamp. All nurses were required to carry a lamp. Ever since then, it has become a symbol of hope that nurses carry. We give that hope to the hopeless.” 

“In the ICU, it is always something. You have to be knocking on death’s door, whether it is your heart or multisystem organ failure. Our eyes are on you all the time – two patients per nurse. That’s why I like the ICU; it is always something, not just an earache.”

Audio: Anna explaining how it is hardest dealing with the younger patients who experience trauma

Divorce

It was during nursing school that she realized that her marriage wasn’t going to last. When she and her husband split up, her children were two and four years old, and she was still in nursing school. “It was hell! Harder than basic training!”

“When I was going through everything with my ex-husband, I noticed I would get very frustrated with them, and that was not who I wanted to be. I did not want to be my mom. I’ve got to be better than that.”

Audio: Anna reflecting on becoming a parent

Now her children are teenagers, and both are involved in competitive cheerleading. Anna clarifies that cheerleading was their idea, not hers. While it is both time-consuming and money-consuming, her girls really wanted to cheer. (audio below)

“I want to be a parent, but I also want to be a friend. I want to support them in whatever they choose to do.”

Above: During Hurricane Irma, Anna’s daughters stayed in the basement of the hospital while their mom worked upstairs. In the aftermath, the backyard needed a new fence, and the trampoline remains upside-down.

Lakeland

Anna describes Lakeland as a city that is very southern, racist, small-minded, with “not a whole lot of anything going on.” At the same time, she thinks it is a good place to raise kids. Still, she wishes her children could be exposed more to other cultures. 

“I’ve met a lot of people who haven’t seen snow or been on a plane. You live in the United States, and you haven’t seen snow? A lot of ‘Oh, I’ve got everything I need right here’.” 

There aren’t a lot of Polish people around in Lakeland, but she’s never felt excluded by the local community. 

“I’ve never had anyone make me feel like I was invading their country. Do I get Polish jokes? All the time. Blonde jokes? All the time. It is what it is.” (audio below)

Republican and pro-Trump is the norm in Lakeland, Florida. Anna is proud that her daughters are developing critical minds and thinking about some of the ideas they are encountering. 

“My daughter was the only student in her class that was anti-Trump. First off, you are a girl, and as a woman, you can never support Trump. She was the only one! When we drive together, I use that time to discuss different issues. I try to talk on her level. You can see the wheels turning.” (audio below)

Missing Poland

Anna misses the social life in Poland. She thinks the everyday interactions between people in Poland are more genuine. 

“When someone asks you ‘how you are doing?’ in Poland, they really mean it – they want to know. Nobody is going to say, ‘I’m fine’ even though their house is on fire!”

Anna finds conversations are not as authentic as she remembers them being in Poland. (audio below)

Anna wants her children to feel connected to Poland and has already taken them to visit the country several times. The last time they were in Poland the girls remembered how delicious the bread was, and they learned a few words.

“They’ve already got the travel bug. I always tell them the world is so much bigger than what you see. You just have to open yourself up to that.”

She can’t wait to take them on a trip to Europe. 

“They are going to try some Italian wine! I don’t want them growing up sheltered because then the kids go crazy. By the time they hit college, all the kids go crazy here. Everything is too taboo!”

Polish Christmas

At Christmas, Anna misses the holiday as she remembers it from Poland.  

“Christmas is the happiest holiday in Poland. All the other holidays in Poland are sad. Halloween is sad and the same with Easter. We don’t have egg hunts and the Easter bunny – you fast for 40 days, starve yourself, go to church every day and pray for hours and hours. But Christmas is happy.” 

She has tried to keep some of the Polish Christmas traditions going here in Florida because she knew her girls would like it. It involves a red soup called barszcz, not eating meat on the night of the 24th, and only starting dinner (with up to 24 different dishes) once the kids have spotted the first star

“You always set the table with an extra setting for an unknown stranger. If an unknown stranger comes through and knocks on the door you are ready for them.” 

After dinner, the family goes to midnight mass. When you return from the mass you can eat sausage, drink, and party. (audio below)

Anna continues to try and be a mother very different from her own, as she encourages her girls to pursue their dreams.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.