India

Nusrat’s Immigration Story – Karbala, Iraq to Silver Spring, Maryland

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Family History

Nusrat’s parents were cousins with roots in Iran, her father born in India and her mother in Iraq. After they met, Nusrat’s father wanted her mother to return with him to India, where he was working, but she didn’t want to go. He left for India without her, and she remained in Iraq, pregnant with Nusrat. Nusrat’s parents decided to see each other again when she was five. This reunion required a sea journey of ten days and nights, from the small city of Karbala, Iraq to the big city of Bombay (now Mumbai), India. 

Nusrat never forgot her father’s graceful manner.

“Everybody loved him. Father always used to take my advice. It was me he used to consult. I was 16 years old when he bought a new house, and he asked me if it was a good idea. My mother didn’t like that.”

India

Nusrat lived for four years in Bombay, which was very different than life in Iraq, but she liked it. She especially loved the delicious Indian food their cook made.

“India has unbelievable art and food. It’s very rich. I don’t know why some people would call it the poorest country in the world?”

While Nusrat liked living in India, her mother did not. They visited Iran every summer, and every time it was harder and harder for her mother to return to India. She couldn’t adjust to the structured lifestyle full of expectations from relatives in India. Eventually, when Nusrat was nine, they moved to Tehran, Iran, and lived there for two decades.

Education

Nusrat’s ambition was always to go to college. In Iran at this time, 100,000 students took this intense exam, and only 4000 would be accepted. Luckily, Nusrat was one of the chosen few, and she started studying to be a history teacher. After graduation, the government would assign where you would teach, and this was a problem for her parents. They didn’t want their daughter going alone somewhere to teach. Her father gave her two choices: either work at the National Iran Oil company as he did or go to London, in the United Kingdom to further her studies.

 “I went to London to study computers. That was my first time being separated from my mother and father.”

In 1974, Nusrat completed her degree in computers. Upon her return, she began working as an advanced computer consultant for the Iranian military in Tehran, digitizing their payroll. There weren’t many people in Iran who understood IBM computers as she did.

Meeting her Husband

While working in Tehran, the government paired her with a contractor from the US Marines. They chose Nusrat to train the American as she could speak English. 

Her American counterpart, from Takoma Park, Maryland, invited her to go with him to the Caspian Sea on holiday. Nusrat needed her parents’ permission, so he had to ask her father first. When her parents met this American man, they “fell in love with him,” something Nusrat didn’t expect from her conservative Muslim family. He tried to learn Farsi to speak with them, and he converted to Islam. However, for Nusrat, the relationship was becoming toxic. Still, they married and continued living in Tehran for a few years. 

Yvonne

Her first trip to the US was to give birth to her daughter Yvonne. Nusrat’s husband wanted his children to be born in America.

“It was Dec 26th, 1976 – snow was everywhere. The airplane landed at Ronald Reagan Airport, and it was beautiful. I was anxious to see his mother. As soon as she saw me, she said, ‘she’s colored. Send her back’! From that point on, it was an odd situation.” (audio below)

Nusrat’s daughter Yvonne [on left in the above photo] was born with twelve toes. Nusrat’s husband blamed her for this abnormality, saying it was because her parents were cousins. As Yvonne remembers,

“Father beat the hell out of my mother. He wasn’t even there when I was born, but when he saw her for the first time after I was born, he beat her up. He believed that she had given birth to a retarded child.”

Revolution

Nusrat returned to Iran after giving birth to her daughter. It was clear that things were changing in the country – the Iranian Revolution was brewing. In 1979 they fled to the US as part of a mass exodus of Americans.

“We were the last American people working over there. They took us with a Pan-American company airplane. Rushed us with military honor from a military station to the airport for protection. We got to Switzerland, turned on the TV, and saw that the government of the Shah had been disposed of, and the Ayatollah restored.” (audio below)

Maryland

Nusrat and her husband bought a house in Takoma Park, Maryland, where they would live for a decade.

“Takoma Park was a safe haven for interracial couples to live. It has always been a place that welcomes diversity.”

However, the emotional and physical violence from Nusrat’s husband didn’t stop once they were living in the US.

Yvonne remembers,

“It wasn’t easy for her being an immigrant here, and navigating the court system. My father would beat my mother up, the police would come, they would tell my father, ‘I’m sorry for bothering you.’ She called – they could see bruises on her face! That’s why she turned to religion for support. It was very hard to be a child and watch my mother done very wrong by my father trying to navigate a system that was not made for her. It was created for her to fail.” (audio below)

Furthermore, Nusrat’s mother-in-law would call her “nigger” at every opportunity and would feed her pork on purpose.

Above: “A History of Civilization” by William Duran translated from English to Farsi. Nusrat’s father mailed the set to her – three books at a time.

Despite the abuse, Nusrat never told her parents back in Iran that things were anything but perfect.

 “I never said a word to my mother or father. I never told anybody.” (audio below)

Homeless

When Nusrat finally got divorced, it left her and her three children homeless for nine months. They bounced from hotel, to motel, to the homes of people from the mosque.

All of this trauma made it very hard for Nusrat to be there for her children. When Yvonne was in tenth grade, her highschool English teacher adopted her.

Faith

After her divorce, Nusrat started getting more involved with the other Muslim women in her community. She met a woman from Guyana who asked her to teach the Quran. More and more people wanted her to teach them about Islam. For two decades, Nusrat taught at and hosted religious gatherings in her home. She would set up the prayer rug and have a Qur’anic study circle where they would pray and eat.

Audio: Nusrat reading a Sura regarding the five pillars of Islam

“When my mother got this house in Silver Spring, she wanted to devote it to God. I didn’t appreciate it when I was younger, but now I appreciate her commitment to something constructive.”

Community Leader

People from different Muslim communities around Maryland started asking Nusrat to perform marriage ceremonies and the Janazah funeral prayer. She would go through her grandfather’s books, trying to learn the best ways to perform these ceremonies. (audio below)

The first wedding Nusrat conducted was for the daughter of a friend. The bride’s father was Muslim, and her mother was Catholic. The father wanted the ceremony to have an Islamic component, so Nusrat performed the rituals in the church after the priest performed the Catholic tradition.

“I read this Ayah when I read verses of the Quran for marriage. ‘God created man and woman and put mercy and love between their hearts.’” (audio below)

Imam?

Nusrat never thought she would do all of the things she has done, specifically within Islam. While Nusrat didn’t call herself an Imam, Yvonne says that is essentially what she became.

“There have been some female Imams who have wanted to lead the Friday prayer and take on roles men have in Islam. My mother never wanted to be in that role. She has laid very low. I think that her story is compelling and there is a lot to learn from it in this day and age – politically, and culturally. It can open up a lot of people’s eyes about women in Islam. My mother would not be able to be an Imam in Iran. That happened here in this country and that’s pretty cool.” (audio below)

The Future

Nusrat lives with her daughter Yvonne and her two granddaughters who love to joke around and fill their home with youthful energy.

Audio: Nusrat’s granddaughters having fun with the recording equipment

“My hopes and my dreams – I have nothing left. I hope to help raise my grandchildren to become good people. I tried very hard for the Muslim community’s children.” (audio below)

Above: Photos (left to right) of Nusrat’s graduation, her son who served in Afghanistan, and her grandchildren

“I did a lot for Islam, but my intention was never to become anybody – I just went through whatever it was that was in my way. I intend to help raise my grandchildren with what I was taught, but also prepare them for how they need to be over here in America today, not 100 years ago.”

As Yvonne says,

“I was thinking about the American dream. What does that mean to me and my mother? People come here to America for a better life. Is it unpatriotic if you come here and you don’t have a better life? That your life is shittier? Does that mean you are ungrateful?” (audio below)

Sacrifice

Nusrat was happier in Iran than she has been in the United States. Yvonne understands the sacrifices her mother made.

“She was fine in her country and she didn’t have dreams or aspirations to come to America. She left what she knew to face beatings and discrimination. I hope that before she leaves the earth, she does feel that coming here for me was worth it.” (audio below)

*Update: Nusrat died on January 4th, 2019. On May 11th, 2019, after more than a decade of work, Yvonne finally finished writing her novel “Crying Girl”,  which chronicles her mother’s incredible life.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.

Sohini’s Immigration Story – Hounslow, the United Kingdom to Duluth, Georgia

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Family History

Sohini’s family’s story of how they came to Britain began a long time ago during her grandfather’s early adulthood. The British had colonized India and were recruiting Indian people for all types of work. Sohini’s grandfather could speak and write English, so they hired him as a clerk and sent him to Kenya to work on the construction of a railroad. All eleven of his children, including Sohini’s mother, were born in Africa with British citizenship.

Childhood

Sohini’s father was born in India and met her mother through their arranged marriage. Sohini was born in Hounslow, a suburb outside of London. She and her brother grew up surrounded by an extensive support system of 15 cousins. They went to school and temple together and visited each other’s houses all the time. Sohini even thought some of her cousins were her brothers and sisters.


Above: Sohini (wearing purple on the bottom right) in Gujarati attire with her cousin and friends for a folk dance competition in England.

Sohini’s parents worked in London, and the family was “getting by” at best. Her father had a factory job, and her mother worked at the elementary school as the supervisor of all the “dinner ladies” (the women who would make sure the children ate their lunch).

“Everywhere we went we kind of adopted a little British granny. This is Violet holding me [photo below]. My mom worked two jobs, so Violet would help us out. She lived in the same government housing building as us and made the best homemade shoestring french fries.”

South Wales

The family made a move to South Wales when Sohini was six years old to see if they could have greater economic success. Her parents decided to buy a corner shop in a predominantly Welsh area with some Jamaican immigrants, but no Indian people.

Above: A school picture from Wales and a drawing she did of herself after moving to Wales

“I was kind of uncomfortable when we first moved there because there wasn’t anyone who was Indian – a few kids were Pakistani. I didn’t fit in, I got bullied, and I will never forget this: They gathered around me, and there’s a song called “brown girl in the ring” – it goes something like this [sings the song]” (audio below)

Sohini did make friends at school eventually, and she does have some positive memories from Wales, especially the field trips to see castles and museums. She has always loved history – anything Medieval or Victorian. Throughout their time living in South Wales, her family took every opportunity to go back to London to visit their extended family. 

Art

Sohini loved making art from an early age, but never felt supported with this passion.

“I wasn’t encouraged by parents to pursue anything in art. It had to be stable and where I could make a lot of money. They kept pushing me to be a doctor or a lawyer like most Indian parents.”

While in Wales, Sohini remembers her art teacher encouraging her and telling her she was a talented painter. Even with this encouragement, Sohini hasn’t picked up a paintbrush since then.

Crochet

Crocheting is a form of art her parents encouraged. Sohini’s grandma crocheted, taught it to her mom, who then taught Sohini while at the corner store. Since she wasn’t allowed to go out like her brothers were, Sohini had to find something to pass the time. The boys had “free reign”, something that Sohini says is common in Indian families.

She especially loves the rhythm of crocheting.

 “Once you read the pattern and get it in your head it’s just second nature. The colors and the satisfaction of making something when you get to the end of it.”

This passion has continued, and crocheting has brought her peace in stressful times.

“If I could sit at home and crochet all day, I would.” (audio below)

Above: Sohini and her classmates in Wales

Overall the experiment of moving to Wales didn’t work out the way her parents had hoped. Sohini’s uncle was living in Atlanta, Georgia, and had submitted an application for Sohini’s parents in 1982. It wasn’t until a decade later that they got a letter from the US consulate in London saying they approved the application.

Georgia

In 1994, when Sohini was 13, they seized the opportunity to move to the United States. When they first landed in Georgia, they moved into her uncle’s two-bedroom Atlanta apartment – one family in one room, one in another.

“It wasn’t a good time. I was depressed. Here we had nobody. It was a lot more expensive to call the UK from the US in the early 90s, so I wrote a lot of letters to my cousins and friends.”

She remembers how sad her mother [below] was as well. She had never been so far away from her mother and her sisters. 

After nine months, her uncle kicked their family out. Luckily Sohini’s brother, who is good at striking up a conversation with anyone, knew the woman in charge of the apartment complex. She helped the family find an empty apartment in the same building, and slowly they filled that empty apartment with donated furniture. 

Above: “This is our first Thanksgiving in America. We had never celebrated it before. That chicken was bland!”

American Dream

The economic “American Dream” never materialized for her parents. Her father ran an ice cream shop for a while, and then a dry cleaner.

“My dad’s just not good at running businesses. None of them have worked.”

Sohini’s mom worked at a daycare for a while, then at KFC for more than a decade. 

Above: Sohini at her high school in Atlanta

Identity

Sohini says the experience of arriving as an immigrant to Atlanta in 1994 was a “true culture shock”. It wasn’t as diverse as it is today. The people she encountered in this new country were mostly either white or black and a few were from Mexico. Sohini’s appearance and background confused people- an Indian from the U.K. who had big curly hair. They didn’t know how to place her. Sohini was regularly asked, “What are you?” or “Where are you from?” and most people assumed she was “mixed or Hispanic”.

“If I told them I was Indian, I got asked what tribe. They really didn’t know India was part of Asia. I would say I was Asian, and they would say you don’t look Asian. Lots of confusion and having to explain what I was. Add in that I was born in the U.K., and it was even more confusing”. (audio below)

On the rare occasions when she did encounter another person from India, they didn’t connect – they had different diets and a fashion sense. Most of Sohini’s friends ended up being African American or Latino. 

Sohini found it strange that she had to take ESL (English as a Second Language) classes, even though English was her first language. 

“We walked into this ESL class and started speaking to the teachers, and they were wondering why we were there. I was born in England. They just made us read books and do book reports.” (audio below)

From Sohini’s memory, the 1996 Summer Olympics seemed to change the culture of Atlanta. These games exposed people to other religions and cultures, and backgrounds. After the Olympics, Sohini felt a greater sense of belonging.

When Sohini finished high school with a high GPA and had scholarships available to her, she still decided not to go to college. Her dad wouldn’t let her move away to go to school.

“He wouldn’t let me go anywhere, so I was like ‘f-this I am going to stay at home and work.’”

Work

Sohini started working at the same daycare her mother had worked at years earlier.

Above: A surprise birthday party for Sohini at the daycare where she worked

About three years later, the guy she dated at the time said he wouldn’t talk to her if she didn’t apply to college again. He wasn’t joking, and she knew he was right. Sohini thought about how her parents didn’t have more than high school education, and she knew she could succeed at the college level. Sohini started taking classes at the University of Georgia to become a teacher; then, she decided she wanted to work more in curriculum development focused on adult education. 

“I could not find a job related to my career for the longest time. I’ve never found a real opportunity where I can get paid to help adults learn.”

After graduating, Sohini started writing training materials for companies and has been doing that for more than a decade. She still dreams of putting her degree to use, working with non-profit groups, and helping homeless adults learn a skill. 

Above: Sohini’s cousin’s daughter was taking pictures to send to India, to find a husband. She convinced Sohini to come with her and have her picture taken too.

Meeting Michael

To graduate from the U of G, Sohini needed to take an economics class. Michael, a Georgia-native, was regularly sitting next to her. Sohini always wrote down everything the professor said, while Michael, who was confident in the subject, was skipping class and not taking notes when he was there. He eventually asked to look at her notes.

“He was like, ‘these are really detailed notes. Do you need help?’ and I was like, ‘Yes, I’m so glad you asked!’” (audio below)

Michael ended up becoming her tutor, and while she had a boyfriend at the time, they decided to stay in touch. What Michael didn’t know yet was that Sohini’s relationship at the time wasn’t healthy. She had isolated herself from her friends, who were telling her to leave this emotionally abusive partner. One night she called Michael and he listened, supported her and did not judge. They started dating and have been together for more than a decade.

Tragedy

Sohini and Michael wanted to have a child, but their journey wasn’t an easy one. Their daughter Maya was stillborn at five and a half months. It was traumatic.

Above: Michael and Sohini’s tattoos of clocks set to the time of delivery of their stillborn daughter Maya.

They were running out of options for how they were going to have a child.

“We got into the point in our fertility journey where the doctor said that’s it. It’s not good for you, mentally or physically.”

They had sold their house and moved back in with her parents.

Two things that helped Sohini through all of the fertility treatments were crocheting and Harry Potter books. 

“I was hooked. Every time a book came out, I got it at midnight and would sit and read it. It helped me during that period. I had distanced myself from everybody. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and I found myself again with Michael’s help, but Harry Potter kept me sane”.

Surrogacy

Michael and Sohini started thinking about adopting a child from India; then a friend brought up the idea of surrogacy. That idea stuck, and less than a year later, they were off to India to transfer Sohini’s embryo to a surrogate. The whole thing was a “whirlwind.” On their way to India to pick up their son, they stopped in London, where the family had organized a surprise baby shower.

“I just remember being so anxious. I remember looking at him through the window. This is my child.” (audio below)

“He’s a blessing. He’s a miracle. I was reading Harry Potter, and I was like, ‘oh my God, he’s the boy that lived!’ We couldn’t be happier.” (audio below)

Getting Looks

Atlanta, and Northern Georgia in general, have changed a lot since Sohini moved there. Today, Sohini would describe the area as multicultural and accepting. It still doesn’t feel that way everywhere in Georgia. Sohini remembers the first time she went to visit her cousin, who lives in the southern part of the state. “We would get looks. God forbid we stopped anywhere”!

Sohini also thinks she and Michael – an interracial couple with a mixed child – receive negative looks.

“We were in Athens [Georgia] yesterday at our favorite sushi place. As we were leaving, this woman gave me the dirtiest look and looked down at our son. I just smiled at her.”

Sohini says the Indian community can be just as bad, judging her for marrying a white guy. 

“I look back at them and smile because it’s my life, not theirs.” (audio below)

Full Circle

When Sohini went to India on vacation, she was able to visit her family’s ancestral home. On the front porch, she found this sewing machine [see the above photo]- the one her mother and all of her sisters learned to sew on. Sohini brought it back to Georgia.

Sohini isn’t sewing often, but she continues the family tradition of crocheting with a passion. She recently made a turtle, a mermaid, two Star Wars hats, and a chicken hat that someone ordered to give their granddaughter for Christmas. Sohini also made her son, ‘the miracle boy that lived’, an elephant.

#FINDINGAMERICAN

To receive updates on the book release and exhibition of “Finding American: Stories of Immigration from all 50 States” please subscribe here. This project is a labor of love and passion. If you would like to support its continuation, it would be greatly appreciated!

© Photos and text by Colin Boyd Shafer | Edited by Janice May & Kate Kamo McHugh. Quotes edited for clarity and brevity.